Bliss Thru Shopping: This issue? Tabled.

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They’re not the sexiest things to shop for, per se.

But what with all the celebrating coming up — March and April being official National Frozen Food, Feminine Improvement and Pecan months — something to surround with chairs and to dine on in a dining room or kitchen setting would seem exceedingly handy. Sometimes tables need to be shopped, too.

My personal interest comes in owning dogs that have gnashed and gashed our existing dining room set to within an inch of its life. What we have now looks just slightly nicer than a set found in an eighth-grader’s clubhouse. Friends have not yet begun to hover anxiously over the seats, or complain, but that can’t be far. But heaven forbid my Feminine Improvement feast is ruined by having to dive and catch a pal as she pitches to the floor from wobbling legs before I’ve even served a single margarita.

So please, pull up a chair, make a few notes to self (“No more puppies. Ever.”) and join me.

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• Broyhill Attic Heirlooms solid oak dining table, FX Marcotte, $949

Two words: “Elevator ride!”

Two more words better suited to today’s theme: “Warehouse sale!”

I was lured by the recent ads boasting warehouse sale prices and drawn to this wide, rustic table with legs as thick as my thigh. The chairs cost extra. However, the escorted antique elevator ride to the fourth floor? Absolutely free.

• Hooker dining room armchair, Gobeil’s Furniture Warehouse Outlet (Auburn Plaza), $299

Bag Lady would eat with her plate in her lap for this chair. The slightly-darker-than-honey wood had decorative worm holes, scoop arms, boned back and a leather-look seat. Alas, there were only two of these chairs, no matching table.

(Shopping Siren and I discovered this new store in the old Northern Mattress spot last week very much by accident. A clerk warned that it’s a temporary location. Signs say all sales are final.)

• Canadel green and blond dining room set with six chairs, Furniture Superstore (Lisbon), $3,098

A salesman said the Canadel sets were custom-made in Quebec and offered up a wall of stains and colors to pick from. This style was sort of rich rustic; think Kennebunkport does country.

• Four tan micro-fiber chairs and a granite composite-topped table, FX Marcotte, $648

Begging to be placed next to anything IKEA.

• Keystone Collections shaker autumn table and chairs, Morin’s Fine Furniture & Refinishing, $3,602

Natural cherry, fine lines, made by the Amish. Feeling like this trip has inadvertently become a cultural, international adventure. C’est fantastique.

• Canadel table with four Ashley chairs, Marden’s, $799

The all-black chairs and black table legs match well. In the middle of the square table: a big wooden, raised lazy susan large enough to hold a gigantic German chocolate cake. I’m just saying.

• Tall round pub table with four chairs, Furniture Superstore, $1,198

This would have to be one upscale pub. The table had stylish, dark wood and a granite-looking lazy susan flush in the middle.

Bag Lady didn’t get the memo — are lazy susans hot?

Best find: Santos matching hutch with formal dining room table and six chairs, Gobeil’s, $2,999.95

Three words: “List price, $10,000.”

The chairs had wheat-styled spindles on the back, the tabletop had a dark inlay and the table legs ended in fancy feet. The hutch is more like an armoire; perfect for storing paper plates. No money for fine china after this splurge. Bag Lady would have to count her pennies and keep the dogs away — worth it.

Think twice: Card tables, TV trays, overturned cardboard boxes

Company may hesitate at an invite to come on over and toast Pecan Month on a makeshift surface. Go on and spring for something sturdy.

What happens on your new table in the off-meal hours? Between you and the curtains. Please, just let there be curtains.

Bag Lady’s true identity is protected by a pair of stylish, sweater-wearing Doberman pinschers (who are not about to be deterred, thank you) and the Customer Service counter at the Sun Journal. You can reach her at baglady@sunjournal.com.

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