Really, little red Pontiac that I followed into work on Monday. Really? Here it is nigh 2011 and you’re driving around in a vehicle absent modern-day ashtray technology. It’s just so sad. Bag Lady doesn’t have AC so can sort of relate. I mean, that has to be the reason for flashing your lit butt out the window, scumming up the landscape and potentially choking baby birds, right?
Bag Lady, improvisational maven, to the rescue.
* Special Moments double-sided tape, 250 inches, Dollar Tree, $1
It’s acid-free, therefore, (presumably) dashboard-friendly as you tape down your sweet new ashtray.
* Micro-fiber cleaning pad, Dollar Tree, $1
For cleaning the ashes off the dash. You want that tape to get a nice, unobstructed grip.
* Vent Fresh Duo, Dollar Tree, $1
For keeping the air in your little Pontiac cabin rain-forest fresh. In fresh mango and tropical gardens, your choice.
* Farberware meat thermometer, Big Lots, $4.50
For thumping your forehead the next time you’re tempted to toss a cigarette out the window. You know, just as a reminder.
Drawing a line in the plank
So, through a bathilogical sleight of hand, Mr. Bag Lady is trying to cheat Bag Lady out of her pirate-theme loo.
I know. So unfair. And yet, pirate-esque.
Rights to decorate a bathroom currently under renovation were gambled away months ago over a trivia question (I think something to do with an actor’s name) that Bag Lady answered correctly and Mr. BL did not.
Suddenly, this week it was, “Maybe we should consider …”
Tut, tut. Stop right there.
I trotted down to Bed, Bath & Beyond … which did not back me up, at all, in my pirate-theme quest. (Thanks, BBB.) Nary a knit skull-and-crossbones hand towel in sight. I might be willing to consider the Monkeying Around pattern ($29.99 shower curtain, $24.99 rug) or Dressed to Thrill with feathers, rhinestones and burlesque-esque loveliness ($39.99 shower curtain), but honestly, I’m not ready to concede just yet.
The only clear upshot of the renovation so far: The discovery of retailer coupons for sale on eBay. Bag Lady bought a four-pack of 10-percent-off Lowe’s coupons for less than $3, then saved more than $50 on bath fixtures. A 10-percent-off 10-pack sold Thursday morning for $17.50. Potential savings: $5,000 (maximum of $500 per coupon). The Home Depot and others are on there, too. Of course, the coupons have expiration dates and caveats (sellers are technically charging for their time wrangling up the coupons, not for the coupons themselves).
Still, something to consider.
And if you have strong pro-pirate arguments, please, drop me a line.
So back in *cough cough* April, a reader wrote us to report:
“Dollar Tree on Lisbon Street has the most luscious-smelling chocolate candles.”
We love tips like that. It took us an embarrassingly long time to get over there, but now Bag Lady can confirm with her own nose:
In an array of styles, each designed to look like a delicate chocolate treat or truffle, these look adorable and smell amazing. For a buck! (Even unlit the smell wafts a good waft.)
Keep those tips coming. Promise, we’ll be more pronto.
Now with pretty colors!
Bliss got a new online look this week. (You’ll find it under “blogs” in the standing SJ header.) With tasteful splashes of pink and orange, there’s now access to our Twitter feed, several weeks of archives, a bit about the column and a tiny bit about the real us. Um, a very tiny bit. I won’t spoil it here. OK, it has something to do with our coloring, but that’s all you’ll get out of me.
Bag Lady’s true identity is protected by a pair of stylish, sweater-wearing Doberman pinschers (who dodged Yoda and Darth Vader costumes for another year) and the Customer Service counter at the Sun Journal. You can reach her at firstname.lastname@example.org.