We here at Bliss strive to be nothing if not topical.
So this week, we shop for mailboxes.
Bag Lady lost a mailbox during one of the six jillion storms in the past 10 days, which would seem to narrow her secret identity down to one of 100,000 people.
In the interest of full disclosure, said mailbox had been a little rough pre-plow encounter. A screw on one hinge popped out with some frequency. There was the hint of rust (or, shall we say, a patina?), as well as the occasional arachnid. It wasn’t ideal, but it was good enough, which, frankly, was its only requirement. (Upright? Check. Able to keep mail dry and only lightly spidered? Check.)
Now that we’ve broken up — or, more accurately, been broken up — it’s time to survey the mailbox landscape and see what greatness awaits.
* Gibraltar Chalet Cedar mailbox, Paris Farmers Union, $51.79
This log cabin-ish exterior offers an unexpected bit of flair with a steel mailbox inside. For when and if you’re ready to move beyond basic black. Packaging touts how aromatic the cedar is, which means *bonus* your spring tax bill is going to smell amazing.
Additional shout-out to Paris Farmers Union’s huge display of pink snow shovels. I actively, fervently don’t want more snow this winter. But if we must, a pink shovel is the way to go.
* Gibraltar Tuff Body mailbox, Paris Farmers Union, $78.85
A picture on the packaging shows a baseball bat breaking and cracking over this mailbox, such is its Tuff-ness. Packaging goes on to say it’s “vandal resistant,” but really, vandals, get a life and leave the box be.
* Gibraltar white plastic Parsons Vintage mailbox, Petro’s Ace Hardware and Landscape Center, $13.99
Bag Lady has never had a plastic mailbox, but the phrase “rustproof” has her listening.
* Westbrook mail post with flower box, Lowe’s, $89.98
A trimmed-to-the-nines white column with a platform to attach your own mailbox. No pressure about having a palatial home to match. It would also seem to require a green thumb, so it’s more work than Bag Lady could commit to, but it’s completely the kind of mailbox one would drive by and admire.
* Red flag replacement kit, Lowe’s, $3.98
Only lost your mailbox’s little mail flag after it was knocked about in a storm? No need to brag or spring for a whole new box, just reflag and go.
* Severe Weather Mailbox Mounting Board, Lowe’s, $3.28
It looks very much like a plain, unfinished plank, just shy of 2 feet long, but the name “Severe Weather” can’t help but catch the eye. According to the package, it’s for extra security in attaching mailboxes to wooden posts.
* Gibraltar black or white steel mailbox, Home Depot, $18.97
Very basic, flair-free. This mailbox will not make you chicken carbonara and ask how your day was, but it will stand there, day after day, and dutifully do its job. (Um, until a date with a plow truck that may or may not happen down the road.)
* Architectural Mailboxes 3-inch black steel post, Home Depot, $34.97
Also basic, also flair-free, also will not make you chicken carbonara.
Best find: Gibraltar High Grove copper mailbox, Home Depot, $69.97
This box literally had Bag Lady saying “wow” in the mailbox aisle. The lid is a fanciful arch and the knob looks like a knob you’d see on pretty kitchen cabinets. It has an all-over textured finish and it looks sharp without looking fussy. I had no idea mailboxes had gone here in 2017.
Think twice: About ignoring the problem until the snow goes away.
Bag Lady true identity is protected by a pair of stylish, sweater-wearing Doberman pinschers (who are pro-snow and pro-mail carrier) and the Customer Service counter at the Sun Journal. You can reach her at firstname.lastname@example.org.
A Gibraltar High Grove copper mailbox found at Home Depot. Might be a candidate for your next mailbox after a week of brutal storms?