So there are times in life when Bag Lady is wrong.
I mean, not many*, but it happens, and it happened this week.
*Not true. Totally many.
For what feels like a while now, I’ve driven by Barnies Wholesale Outlet at the corner of Sabattus and Pond streets in Lewiston and owing to the similar nature of the names (both use “outlet”), fonts (both puffy, red) and advertised merch (discounted snacks, household goods), I’d believed the new shop must be related to the newish Holiday Bargain Outlet.
Mr. Bag Lady insisted, no, they’re totally different things.
And here’s where I was wrong: They’re totally different things. Mostly. There’s some philosophical merch overlap (see discounted snacks, household goods), but it’s a different store, different reasons to shop.
So please join me on this fine first day of June while Bag Lady introduces you to many things, among them a brand of cereal I’m certain you never even knew existed*.
*Unless I’m wrong about that, too.
• Despicable Me’s Fluffy the unicorn plush sweatshirt, $10
Words can’t adequately convey the flippin’ adorableness of a sweatshirt whose hood features the silly bug-eyed, pink tongue-dangling unicorn loved by Agnes in the movie. For youngsters ages 3-6, five stars out of five.
And while we’re in that universe …
• Minions toddler life jacket, $10
Super cute and tiny and safe — nice trifecta.
• Graduation gift card holder, 50 cents
In royal blue and folded sort of like a cap and gown, it’s inventive and inexpensive. Feel free to bump the gift card up by the $2 you saved on the holder.
• Pinnacle Whipped Cream hats, red or blue, $1
Pinnacle vodka used to be made here, so maybe grab a cap for the nostalgia of it all and to shade your eyes from the sun?
• Straw beach mat, 71 inches long, $2
Nothing says “summer is here” like one of these tossed in the backseat and a fine film of sand in every dang crack and crevice. Of your car. Get your mind out of the crevice.
• Got milk? granola cereal, 10-12 oz., $1
Among the many flavors was Blueberry Granola with Greek yogurt, which is available online at gotmilksnacks.com for $5.49 a carton. (The cereal’s packaged in half-gallon-sized milk cartons.) I had no idea “got milk?” was anything beyond a milk mustache, pro-milk campaign, let alone that it had cereal, wafer spirals and cookie lines.
A quick look at a few of the food offerings showed many just-passed or 2017 suggested use-by dates, but as we covered in the Holiday Bargain Outlet column, out-of-date food might not taste as fresh, but isn’t generally hazardous, according to an NPR report last year.
• LED rechargeable camping lantern, $12
Tiny, practical. Maybe you’ll run into Meghan and Harry while you’re out in the woods taking in all that nature in Canada, where they may or may not be right now.
Best find: Talking plush mustachioed emoji wearing a graduation cap, $1
This is the season for a talking plush mustachioed emoji wearing a graduation cap!
Just typing that brings me joy! Think of your grad’s face when they’ve bounced it off the walls and their best buds a dozen times.
Think twice: About making assumptions! Lesson learned. Just don’t tell Mr. Bag Lady.
Bag Lady’s true identity is protected by a pair of stylish, sweater-wearing Doberman pinschers (who are already weary of the heat) and the customer service counter at the Sun Journal. You can reach her at email@example.com.
A carton of got milk?’s Blueberry Granola with Greek Yogurt cereal. (online image)