Gash and dash
So, I'm walking down Lisbon Street in the bitter cold on a Friday afternoon. Just another day of foraging for coffee beans until a young man approached me near the corner at Pine Street. He walked up to me and pulled open his coat, revealing a long scar that ran along his neck between the lower part of his ear and his collar bone. Nasty stuff. Then he said: "Remember me?" and I thought, this is it. My old life is finally catching up with me. The dude was no doubt a ghost floating back from those horrible times in New Orleans, or possibly those other horrible times on the windswept streets of Chicago. But no. This was Lewiston stuff. The young man had been slashed about a decade back when Birch and Blake streets served as the city's hot corner. I snapped a picture of the glistening gore, and 10 years later, the recipient of that ice cold blade was thanking me for my photographic work. Just another fine example of why I still like Lisbon Street, from time to time, and why I still walk there.
Running in circles
On Tuesday, a caller reported to police that somebody on a scooter was doing doughnuts in the middle of the road. A scooter, you say? The image that comes to mind is of an 85-year-old retiree getting his or her wild on right there on Main Street. Regardless, we must commend the police dispatcher for using the proper term "doughnuts" instead of the less descriptive "cookies," which never seemed quite right to me. Doughnuts are what you do by spinning a motorized vehicle in circles. Cookies are what you toss when you're done. It's all very confusing, I know.
The Auburn Fire Department has circulated some common-sense tips for your Super Bowl safety. Keep kids away from the barbecue, take care when disposing of ash and embers, etc. All based on past experiences with Super Bowl Sunday moronity, I'm sure. You get the feeling they want to include even more tips, like: Don't fire bottle rockets off in your living room, never barbecue naked, especially if you are hairy, and make sure there is proper ventilation when burning your Tom Brady effigy. Enjoy the day and I'll see you all in detox.
Another letter from a state prison inmate begging for more of the Sun Journal's weekly TV guides. That coupled with all the downtown people who ask if I can hook them up and I'm convinced: Our TV Preview is made of crack.
Please fondle responsibly
A headline on Thursday's front page read: "Bill sets rules for people who handle body parts." This had me worried as I began to mull a dramatic lifestyle change. Fortunately, the new rules apply only to the body parts of dead people. Can I get a "whew!" over here?
New law will allow liquor sales starting at 5 a.m., prompting celebrations among newspaper carriers everywhere. Expect to find your paper up on the roof for the first couple weeks, and there may be obscene sketches on the front page. Also, paperboy may be wearing tassels and comical hats. If he's wearing anything at all. Additionally, you're probably not going to get your paper.