LEWISTON — Raequann Lunt started his first fire almost three years ago. He'd found matches and lit a sock in his bedroom.
He was 5.
Two years ago, he placed his pillow on the stove and turned on the burner. That fire gutted the kitchen.
He was 6.
In May, while Raequann (Ray-KWAN) was visiting his uncle's home, a younger cousin showed him where his father kept a container of gasoline and a lighter for camping. Raequann poured the gas on a stick and lit it. The ground was so dry that the flames immediately spread to a vacant trailer. Firefighters from several departments battled the blaze, but the home was destroyed.
He was 7.
Raequann's mother is afraid of what he might do when he's 8.
"As he gets older the fires seem to be getting bigger, " said Laura Foster. "Eventually they're going to hurt someone."
Raequann has been getting help. After each fire, his mother said, he's spent time in the behavioral treatment ward at area hospitals. Over the past three years he's regularly seen a psychiatrist, a counselor, a case manager and other professionals. But the fires have kept coming.
The family has taken to removing all fire-starting items from the house and stashing any needed lighters in a locked box. Foster and her new husband sleep in shifts — he during the day and she at night — so someone's always awake when Raequann is home. They're getting an alarm for his bedroom door so they know when he gets up at night. But it's all a short-term solution to what is potentially a long-term problem: Raequann likes to start fires.
"He can't control himself," his mother said. "He'll tell you that. He's told the state that. He tells all of his workers, 'I can't control myself.'"
In Maine there is help for young fire setters, but that help is largely limited to assessment, education and outpatient counseling, nearly all of which Raequann's already gone through. So, in desperation after the May fire, Foster typed "fire setting programs" into the Google search engine.
She found the Brandon School.
Located in Natick, Mass., Brandon is a residential program that specializes in childhood fire setters. Highly regarded by experts throughout the country, including those in Maine, it has a near-perfect record of success with fire setters as young as 7 and as old as 17.
Suddenly, Foster had hope.
However, it's not as simple as enrolling him in school. Brandon costs up to $410 a day, an amount his mother can't afford. Since Raequann is on state insurance, the state would have to approve payment. The process for getting him there has been slow, filled with frustrating discussions, arguments, meetings and delays. At one point, Foster said, Raequann's case manager told her Raequann was too young and the program was too far away — the state wouldn't pay. Since then, there have been more meetings, more discussions. Finally, a possibility.
But Foster fears her son's time is running out.
High risk
At first, Foster thought Raequann's fire-setting was a phase. He was only 5, after all.
He'd lit the sock on fire next to his fish tank, saying he was trying to keep his fish warm. The flames were easily doused with water, but Foster wanted to make sure he got the point that playing with fire was dangerous.
"We called the Fire Department, just to scare him," she said.
Fire officials talked to Raequann about the fire, asked him questions, completed an assessment. Their determination: It was not just a phase. He was not a little boy who could simply be scolded out of playing with matches.
Although the fire itself hadn't been serious, they believed Raequann's fire-setting was.
"They said, 'He's at too high of a risk. There's nothing we can do,'" Foster said.
She got him into therapy with a local psychiatrist. For a while, everything was quiet.
Then there was the kitchen fire.
Pregnant with her third child, spotting and experiencing numbness in her legs, Foster had left Raequann and his two cousins in the care of her 12-year-old daughter while she rushed to the hospital. Foster's sister lived a few streets away and she said she'd be over. The kids would be alone for no more than 10 minutes.
But before her sister could arrive, Foster's daughter called. The house was on fire.
"The smoke detectors are going off (in the background) and she's, like, banging on everybody's doors getting everybody to come out," Foster said.
With the apartment building located right behind the fire station, the fire was quickly extinguished. However, the damage had been done. The family would spend nearly two weeks living elsewhere while the kitchen was repaired.
Foster asked that her son be reassessed.
"(Raequann) was even more severe than he was the last time," she said.
He spent some time as a patient in St. Mary's Regional Medical Center's behavioral unit. After he came home, Foster and Raequann's case manager sought more help for him.
"We had tried getting him everything, every service we could for fire-setting," Foster said.
He received in-home support with workers who took him out four times a week, serving as mentors and giving his mother a respite. His family removed all fire-starting material from their house, monitored what he saw on TV and kept a constant watch on him.
Still, they sometimes caught Raequann playing with matches and lighters.
"He could find them anywhere. He could find them outside," Foster said. "There was one time we were out walking and we had stopped at the store. He was right outside while I was inside paying for something. The lady that works at the store, she had just left her lighter and her cigarette out there because she was on break and she went in to ring somebody in. It was just as easy and as quick as that. "
Foster suspected that her son had set more fires than the two she knew about. She started telling her neighbors about him and warning the parents of Raequann's friends whenever they invited him over. He began losing friends.
"It's so hard because he doesn't understand why he can't go over to people's houses," Foster said.
Foster has tried grounding him, tried taking away privileges and keeping him inside. Some acquaintances have told her she should hit Raequann or burn him. Foster has balked at both.
"I'm not going to burn my child," she said. And besides, "He's burned himself before. It doesn't matter."
One day in May, she took Raequann with her to her brother's house to baby-sit his children. Her brother lived in a rural trailer park, had a swimming pool, had kids Raequann could play with. Getting out of the city sounded like a good idea.
"The kids were literally outside playing in the pool one minute ... the next thing I know the two boys are flying in saying, 'Somebody set the trailer on fire!'" Foster said. "I knew right as soon as they said it. I know my son and I know how he is."
In this fire, it turned out, Raequann wasn't alone. The boys at first said a stranger set the blaze. They later admitted that they had done it, with Raequann's cousin getting his father's lighter and pointing out the gasoline.
Foster is certain Raequann had no idea gas could be used to light fires before that.
"As far as he knew, gasoline goes in the car and that was it," she said.
But Raequann was the one who poured the gas on a stick and lit it, so his mother considers him responsible.
The fire destroyed the vacant trailer. Firefighters said the boys were lucky neither of them was hurt — particularly Raequann, who touched the flame to the gas-soaked stick.
A crisis worker interviewed him soon after that fire.
"The lady asked him, 'Will you play with fire again?' He's like, 'No.' Then later on he switched his story and said, 'Well, I can't tell you I won't. I can't control myself,'" Foster said. "Then he's telling the lady he wanted to go back in the fire and kill himself because he's just a bad person."
Why
Children set fires for many reasons, according to experts. The vast majority are simply curious. In fact, fire-starting is so common among young boys that experts estimate 70 to 90 percent of men started fires at least once when they were children.
But sometimes it's more than curiosity. Some children set fires as part of criminal mischief. Others are in crisis and set fires in response to a bigger issue — like one little boy in Maine who set his bed on fire because he was being molested there and thought getting rid of the bed would make the molestation stop. Others have deeper psychological issues.
Because fire can so easily get out of control, the size of the blaze tells experts nothing about a child's motivation — a curious 4-year-old with a lighter can burn down a house just as easily as a psychologically disturbed teenager.
The Brandon School's executive director, Timothy Callahan, likes to recall the talk a Brandon expert once gave to a group of 100 Rotary Club members. At one point the expert asked how many of the men had ever set a fire as a boy.
"Almost everybody raised their hand. And the guy in Rotary who is actually a very well-known insurance person said, 'Well, I set the town forest on fire,'" Callahan said. "That tells you sometimes it's very difficult to figure out how much of this is a stupid kid doing a stupid thing that got out of control."
Only a professional assessment can determine which category a child falls into.
Between January 2000 and June 2010, more than 2,500 children started fires in Maine, according to the Fire Marshal's Office. Those fires caused 14 deaths and 115 injuries, and they cost nearly $41 million in damage. It is unclear how many of those children were simply curious about fire and how many had a serious problem.
In Maine, curious fire setters are handled by parents, school programs and local fire departments that teach small children about the dangers of fire and their families about child-proofing. Criminal fire setters are usually dealt with by parents, police and the court system. Children in crisis and those with deeper psychological issues are referred to mental health professionals, social service agencies and other service providers.
Maine most notably offers the Juvenile Fire Safety Collaborative, a three-year-old program that connects and trains fire and police officials, educators, the court system and social service agencies to assess and work with young fire setters. The collaborative has been lauded by experts, including those at the Brandon School, for bringing together so many groups to deal with fire-setting by kids.
But no program in Maine specializes in the most intense young fire setters.
"Residential is the ideal. Nobody's going to be kidding anyone about that," said Jerry DiMillo, who served as director of the Juvenile Fire Safety Collaborative until the program lost its federal funding. The collaborative is now part of the Maine Department of Public Safety.
DiMillo now volunteers with the collaborative. Although he believes Maine is doing the best it can with the money and resources it has, he said the state simply doesn't have what some young fire setters need: specialized residential treatment.
"I'd like a Brandon," he said.
Help, before it's too late
Raequann is a quiet, reserved boy with large, dark eyes that look at the ground, his hands, passing traffic — anywhere but at the stranger sitting next to him. He's going into the third grade this fall and he loves math class because "you do the work first and then you color." He likes playing games, "but not board games. Video games." He believes fire is "bad."
"Because it can hurt somebody," he says softly.
Ask why he starts fires and he doesn't answer. Ask where he finds things to start fires and he shrugs slightly and looks down. He is not comfortable talking about it.
That, his mother thinks, is part of the problem. No one has ever quite gotten to the bottom of why Raequann starts fires.
"I think he's nervous and afraid to say why he does it. But I'm thinking if he's in the (Brandon) program and around other kids that have the same problem as him, he may open up more and tell them why," she said.
At times, Raequann has laughed and smirked about the fires he's started. Other times he seems contrite and ashamed. Once he said lighters were talking to him.
Although Foster gave permission for everyone connected to her son's case to discuss his situation, his psychiatrist and case manager declined to comment. Tri-County Mental Health Services confirmed Raequann has been treated for the past three years for fire-setting behavior, but would not say anything else.
The State Fire Marshal's Office said it is aware of Raequann and his problem. Officials there have put Foster in touch with the High Fidelity Wraparound Maine Initiative, a state program that connects children who have serious emotional or behavioral issues with a team of people who can offer mental health, social work, education and other comprehensive support. The Fire Marshal's Office is newly acquainted with the wraparound program. Raequann is one of the first children it has referred.
Joe Thomas, assistant state fire marshal, is excited about the initiative's potential to help young fire setters. "You have just about every possible agency, profession, discipline sitting at that table that is going to need to be involved."
But Foster said the wraparound program has no openings until August. And even then, the help it seems to offer is help Raequann's already gotten. He needs, she believes, a residential program geared toward fire setters.
"I just want him to get help before it's too late," she said.
Even Thomas believes Raequann might best benefit from residential help.
"We've got somebody who needs some type of treatment like Brandon would offer," the assistant state fire marshal said.
Foster said that after Raequann's case manager initially told her the state wouldn't pay for Brandon, things have started moving — slowly. A discussion here, a meeting with Raequann's psychiatrist and case manager there. But a parent must formally ask the state to pay for residential treatment for a child, and that requires an application with information from the child's therapist, service providers and case manager.
Joan Smyrski, director of children's behavioral services for the state, said Maine rarely sends children out of state for residential treatment anymore, and hardly ever children as young as 7, because regulations require children be placed in the least restrictive environment possible and the Department of Health and Human Services has found that children do better when treatment is received close to home. Right now, only 14 kids are being treated for problems out of state. But Smyrski said the state takes seriously all requests and would definitely consider paying for Raequann to attend Brandon. It just needs his application.
It's the case manager's responsibility to submit it. According to the state, that hasn't been done.
Tri-County leaders declined to comment on the specifics of Raequann's case, but Executive Director Chris Copeland said there are many steps in completing an application.
"We're doing everything we can," he said. "Obviously, we're incredibly concerned about this young man."
In the meantime, Foster said more meetings have been scheduled to discuss Raequann's situation. The process is frustrating for her, particularly since she believes she may finally have found a solution to her son's fire setting, if only she can get him there — before the next fire.
"My worst fear is if something happens, the first thing they're going to do is say, 'Where were the parents? What were they doing?'" she said.
Next week, Raequann turns 8.




Are you kidding me??????
How did this story make it into the Sun Journal in the first place?....It's obvious to me that the family of this young child contacted the newspaper themselves. I really don't think the Sun Journal went out seeking a story on young firestarters...maybe I'm wrong but I don't think so. The bottom line is this young child needs HELP and so does the FAMILY....People are calling his problem an "addiction"...We all know that "addiction" in families is a "Family Disease"...everyone involved in this child's life needs HELP....If it were me..I would be running to DHS not walking or waiting for answers....Contact the facility in MA yourself...tell them your "predicament"...If you are so desparate to get this child help..HELP IS OUT THERE...Sitting around "waiting" for someone else to do the "foot work" obviously is not working...So do the "footwork" YOURSELF....These posts have gotten way out of hand...Show up at the facility in MA yourself with this child...I'm sure THEY WILL DO SOMETHING. If this child's "problem" is so out of control...I honestly don't think he will be turned away...As far as "Queenhoneybee" thinking she is better than anyone else...I don't get that from her at all....She makes TOTAL sense to me...what doesn't make sense to me is this family "sitting around" waiting for someone else to "solve THERE" problem...and relatives coming out in her defense. And the things that are being said...put your "ENERGY" into getting this child the help he apparantly so desparately needs. Sit around and do nothing...wait for phone calls...mentoring..counseling..etc...everything that has already been tried IS NOT WORKING...Sometimes as parents we have to do the work ourselves...So pack up the boys belongings..get in the car and take the ride to MA....Like I said..if you all are so concerned....put your "energy" together and take that child to where everyone says he needs to be...NO QUESTIONS ASKED...Whats the worse that could happen in doing this?...They turn him away?....I don't think so...but if they do...they do...At least the family can say "THEY TRIED".....Relying on the "State" to take care of this problem obviously is not working...so take MATTERS INTO YOUR OWN HANDS.....
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If somebody named me Raequann I might start fires too.
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Your comment just confirms what a sad world this truly is. I believe, being a fire starter is an illness. What's your excuse in posting such a cruel comment?
A rude nature is worse than a brute nature by so much more as man is better than a beast: and those that are of civil natures and genteel dispositions are as much nearer to celestial creatures as those that are rude and cruel are to devils.
Margaret Cavendish
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How sad, not how said.
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from what I see this parent is on this blog day and night. where is the kid??
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I'm sorry Diana that your blind because she IS NOT on any blog day and night....and he's at home with her when she's not working.
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Yet, I'd like to know what you think should be done about getting pyromaniac children the medical attention they need? Should the state pay for these children to be treated out of state?...or maybe Maine should try to get a center of our own? What do you think would be better? I believe this is what this story is about, yeah right. :)
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You know, it's really sad the way our society works today. ever heard of don't judge a book by it's cover? This is obviously a real issue. The ignorance in the comments amaze me. Rae DOES need help. HENSE why Laura is is putting it out there. And that makes her a bad parent how? Because she has a picture of him and mentions that her whole family is being affected? Shouldn't that as a community give us a reason to try and help? Apparently all we can look at is grudges we hold against her or her family instead of looking at the 7 year old the write up was about. It's obvious here that she needs assistance. I could see if she wasn't doing anything to fix this herself. Then yeah, run your mouth. But if you actually READ the write up, it says that she's done MULTIPLE things to help her child. Be a grown up here. There is a difference between having an opinion and just being ignorant. Bringing up that she gets state help, HELLO HAVE YOU MET LEWISTON!? Do you think people WANT to say they get assistance? Uhm, probably not. And she works, so she pretty much deserves to get assistance. Just saying. I work retail, and i see people every day come in with foodstamps and TANF and they DO NOT have a job. THOSE people shouldn't get help. The people that aren't trying to help themselves are the people you need to attack. Not the people that have jobs and are trying to make their lives better. How can you say all of this stuff? I won't wish anything upon your families, i can't even imagine what Laura must be going through. But being related to her, i wouldn't even wish this feeling upon anybody. Nobody deserves to be stuck in a position where their at a dead end, and the only hope would be for OTHER PEOPLE LIKE US to help, and to come on here and see all you people running your mouths. It's sad. it really is.
Laura, keep your head up. Eventually something good will come out of all this. I'm glad your a strong person. I don't know how your doing it. :] you've definatly got gram on your sholdure helping you out. Love you <3 -Crystal
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She could have done it without putting his name and image out there. The newspaper should have known better.
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Ojhuig, yes, the paper should perhaps have known better than to use this family's real names. Yet, it is what it is. I don't believe condeming this mother and the newspaper should be the main focus. I would hope that as a community we stand together to afford children that are pyromaniacs affordable instate help. We can find something wrong with most everything that gets printed in any newspaper. We can assume and blame anyone we choose to. Yet, what does it accomplish? I believe this story is about desperate parents, that need help for their children....and there is no help to be found. Ojhuig, if this child would have set himself on fire and died, his name would be all over the paper, and we would all be feeling extreme compassion for this mother. We would also be screaming for help for children that have a compulsion to play with fire.
Why can we not as a community, show that same compassion now? Why can't we make sure that children with this illness receive the help they need before we read about them in the obituaries?
Ojhuig, if this family's names being printed is that offensive to you, if you really believe this is detrimental to the well being of this child and his family, why didn't you contact the newspaper in private? Why would you want to kick this family while they are already down? Do you truly believe humiliating this family is helping anyone?
Compassion is sometimes the fatal capacity for feeling what it is like to live inside somebody else's skin. It is the knowledge that there can never really be any peace and joy for me until there is peace and joy finally for you too. Compassion will cure more sins than condemnation. The whole idea of compassion is based on a keen awareness of the interdependence of all these living beings, which are all part of one another, and all involved in one another. We are all one people, Ojhuig. :) Instead of kicking people when they are down, perhaps we could all try extending a hand in friendship and help them up, while helping them out. :)
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I know what it's like to need services for your child and to get the runaround. My son went to residential treatment for severe autism and self-injurious behaviors, and as if that's not heartbreaking enough, I had to endure a cycle of blame and accusations to get him there. He knew what the Lewiston special ed directors were saying about me, and he believed it for a long time, the lie that he could have been served in the public school and I was just trying to get rid of him. He's now 26 and our relationship is finally what it should be. So I know all of that. I just can't get over the damage that's being done to this little boy because the paper could not be responsible enough to change his name. It would have been so simple and would not have affected the story or the need to get this treatment issue out in public.
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and PS I never impugned her parenting skills vis a vis the fire-setting or any of the other judgmental things people are saying about her. So you can drop that routine. As to my choice to do it in the blog instead of privately, this is what I chose and I'll thank you not to judge me, either.
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I am so sorry to here about what people did to you and your son, ojhuig. There is no routine...I am voicing my opinion, jist like everyone else. You are correct it is your choice. Don't you think this mother feels as though she is being judged? I don't believe I was judging you...at least it was not my intention to judge you. Yet, you feel I did anyway. I believe this is how this mother must feel also.
She did everything she could to get her young son help. Her last hope was to come to the community. Did you see how some in this community have treated her? Have you read the horrible things that were said about her little boy? One person even suggested burning this child...I think it was unconscionable to say such a thing.
This was not said because their real names were used....this is the mentality of some of these that live in our community. Like you said, it was your choice to post your disapproval publicly...and it was her choice to allow their names to be used. You don't want to be judged, and neither does she. :) Lets hope this little boy gets the help he needs...and everything turns out as well for this mother and son. Hopefully as well as things turned out for you and your son. :) In the end, it's all about wanting the best for everyone. :)
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Not only did this mother go to the newspaper requesting this story be done and have her minor son's full name printed, a child she claims to be concerned about and to be suffering from a mental illness, she had his photograph included as well. There is no way this child can go anywhere in the area without being recognized. His mother has painted a great big bullseye on his back.. She has also printed her full name in the story and in comments, why? IOne has to wonder if the one with the greater mental health issues isn't the mother in her incesent need for attention. This looks like Munschowsins by proxy. She has also set her teenage daughter up for daunting and ridicule at an age when she is highly vulnerable by printing her name and th at she attends Lewiston High School etc. These are not the behaviors of a eesponsible parent in good mental heaLth. This family, by the report is getting extensive services, we can only hope that the agencies involved will review this article and comments particularly of family and those with intimate knowledge of the family and act quickly to remove the children from the home and area moving them to a location with aliases where they will not be recognized before more harm is done. This is a very sad story already however, I fear without swift intervention it may become tragic and an even bigger news story.
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Here we go once again trying to make it seem like your the high and mighty know it all. Seriously. The only people out here criticizing her are the low life's of Maine. Instead of doing that why don't you sit back and think if it was one of your children or relatives in her shoes. Betcha there wouldn't be no downing remarks then huh. Oh that's right I forgot nobody can be perfect and have such a perfect family like Saint Candice, DWilson, DR and conserve-mom...I so forgot that you guys are so perfect there's nothing wrong with your families. Ur familes are just a screwed up as everyone else's so come back to reality cause La La land isn't doing anything for you....you've surely forgot what happens in the real world. See in the real world people deal with mental illness's and health issue's and hard times...it's called life...and with scum like you guys trying to bring someone down well you guys have been mislead on how a real community is suppose to work cause you guys must like to keep everything hidden so you can fool people by thinking you have everything under control cause nothing bad ever happens in your so-called fake family.
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You're funny RuffRyderGirl. We're the low lifes? Nice screen name. I also really like your swearing, grammar, punctuation, and threatening remarks. I've posted all along that this boy needs help. My point, however, has also been that he is a product of his environment. If you think that having his dad in jail, having his family dependent on the state, and living downtown in section 8 housing has had no effect on him, you are simply foolish. He probably does have psycological problems, I never said he didn't. If he does get the help that he needs, and I hope he does, he's going to come back home to a negative, uneducated, welfare environment. How's that going to do him any good?
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Shame on you Sun Journal, and especially this mother, for not using a pseudonym for this child. It wouldn't have hurt the story one bit. This is a small town. Now that boy will be stigmatized forever, even if he conquers his obsession. What a horrible thing you have done, all because you couldn't be bothered to change the name.
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There is no shame in that...so what if they didn't change his name...don't mean he's scared for life...AND HIS MOTHER DID NOTHING WRONG
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7I have read the comments about this article and I can truthfully say I am ashamed to be from this state. I have worked with children for about 40 years and am quite aware of this issue and the frustration of parents trying to get there children help. I am so sorry for this poor child who does not know what is wrong with him and the fear he faces daily. Living in a community that would condemn a 7 year old instead of supporting him is very painful for me. I can't imagine how this family must feel. It just amazes me how people can put forth such hurtful comments with no education behind them. I have had extensive training to work with children in these situations. It scares me to hear some one would want a child handcuffed. I would hope this person does not have children and if they do I hope someone is watching because I would be concerned for their safety.This child is in great need and you are arguing about grammar. God help us all. This parent is doing what she can to help her son, with all the red tape she must go through I hope it is not to late for him or some one else. I will keep this family in my thoughts and prayers and hope thus community will also.
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I am thinking about this young boy and how his case has been played in the press. There had to be a better way. Airing this all publicly, including the blogs, does not make the system move any faster.
Because of this, I won't share my thoughts on what's happening. I just hope that people do all they can with the channels available to them before brinigng it to the front page of a Sunday paper. This has served no one, especially this young boy, whose name, photo and details of his actions will follow him forever thanks to this decision.
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From the article, this began as a typical child playing with matches case. As Veritas pointed out the human species has a long and natuaral relationship with fire. This went wrong almost immediately when instead of disciplining the child who stated he was trying to keep his fish warm which is also an understandable explaination for a child of this age and consistant with the location of the sock fire, the mother tells the the boy he can not control himself and takes him to the fire department. She then insists on theapists, psychiatrists and in home support. Instead of disciplinary action the young man is showered with attention, trips here and there, mentors, gifts and every conceivable reward. He has his mother, a fireman, therapist and psychiatrist telling him he cannot control himself. Candiceanne was deadon yesterday morning in her early assessment. This boy learned that he could use "not being able to control himself" to control everyone around him. It has now reached critical mass and we have learned a lot about this entire family from the mother, aunt, other family members and lifelong friends and the picture and outlook is not good for any of the children to remain in this home. I should hope that there will be a lot of calls to DHS in the coming days for the sake of these children. I aam particularly concerned as well that the mother sought ought coverage for this story in which she include her name, the names of her children and their likenesses (photos) in the article itself and even more personal information in ongoing comments. She has placed her children at great rusk of oustrisization and retaliation at school and in the community, endangered their housing and stigmatized them for life by her actions.
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Please reread your comment? Are you for real? I believe Candiceanne has family and life long friends, teachers, neighbors and aquaintances that believe that she was much less than an ideal mother. I believe those nine children feel that way also. I am sure there are people that feel the same way about you. Though I do not know you, I have met others that speak as the two of you do. You both display unwarranted self-importance.
This is not about what the two of you think happened or should happen... it's about Rae and those that know how to treat pyromaniacs. It's about getting some sort of treatment center in our own state. Retaliation? Have you lost your mind, sir? This mother is trying to get help for her child, and by making it public she has opened the door for others to come forward that are going through the same thing. Hopefully they will open a treatment center, and name it after Rae.
DWilson and Candiceanne let me guess, you both belong to the Harper Valley PTA.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aOZPBUu7Fro
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Btw, I worked at Kennedy Park pool for many, many years and have seen many, many things that would make your hair curl. Want your child to grow up healthy, happy, and safe? Bring them someplace to play that is healthy, happy, and safe...that place is none of those.
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I believe you have seen much. I have worked with children most of my life and I could tell you stories that would curl your hair also. Most of these children were from affluent families. My husband and his family lived on Knox Street years ago. During the sixties and seventies, Kennedy park was probably at it's worst. My inlaws never recieved a dime of state aid.
My in-laws were hard working people. Their children attended Catholic school, and all went on to college. :) Today some of them work out of state and some work in the state of Maine, all have done extremely well for themselves...all of them played at Kennedy Park. I've been married to this man that played in Kennedy Park for thirty-one years this coming August. :)
People that have no car, and perhaps live in town, haven't many choices. Those that work in the park have the greatest opportunity ever. They can make a difference in a childs life. I believe we all can. I am posting a link about a teacher that judged a child by his behavior...she was wrong. Hopefully if enough people see this little video, people will stop judging and start making a difference. :) Today Rae needs help, he is a pyromaniac. There is no help in this state. I hope this will change.
http://www.makeadifferencemovie.com/org01/
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Mad, If you read any of my earlier posts, you would indeed notice that I wouldn't begrudge this child treatment. He indeed needs it! I say help him now before he hurts himself or someone else! Absolutely.
My point is more of a nature vs. nurture. He can "go away" for all the help in the world, but when he comes home, what environment is he coming back to? A healthy one? A helpful one? To ignore the role environment plays in incidents like this is foolish.
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Is it possible that the child may have a legitimate mental problem? I mean, it is not uncommon.
And is it not also possible that he doesnt have the best home environment in the world also?
I had stayed out of this because I felt like it was none of my business. But after further thought, and reading the comments on here, I feel like its everyone's responsibility to intervene when a child is hurting, even if that just means calling DHHS.
I really do hope that the child gets to go away for help. It appears that his parent/parents cant handle him right now. While he is gone, I hope the mother will get some help so that she can provide a better home when he returns.
As far as the hateful comments about state aid......the aid is there to help families like this. But, I do think it is the responsibility of the parent/parents to use the aid wisely as a means to better themselves, so that they dont need the aid down the road. Food Stamps, TANF, ect is meant to be temporary, not a lifetime thing.
But for right now, I dont begrudge her the help. And anybody with an ounce of compasion should feel the same way. I am more concerned with them finding the help they need, because it sounds like its gonna take an awful lot of healing.
We all need help healing sometimes.
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I agree fully ajg1959, Great post btw. :)
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This is about a seven year old child. You are making this about his family. Wow. It really doesn't matter how Rae got to where he is, or his mother's potty mouth...it's about protecting Rae and others from dying in a fire. What is so hard to understand? Are you saying that if a child is from a disfunctional home or has potty mouth parents we should kick the child to the curb?
I don't believe or feel this way. It makes me want to reach out to this child all the more. We have had a child die in Caribou, and a child that just died in Amity...should we feel less compassion for these children because their parents didn't meet our standards? This story is not about who we should blame...it's about having no existing help in this state for children that are pyromaniacs. As far as this mother being in Kennedy Park...so are hundreds of other families. Perhaps they live down town. Do we judge people for taking their children to the park for goodness sake? Are we now the judges of what parks peiople should frequent?
We need help for these children, affordable help. I believe that our greatest concern is to keep this child alive and well, giving him the help he needs to lead a good and productive life....I'd hate to open the newspaper tomorrow morning and see that Rae set himself on fire. I believe this should be everyones concern.
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I meant to ask what eradicated that behaior, nor irradicated. That's what I get for reading an article on irradiated veggies the same time as this board :).
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MY SON ALSO HAD THE SAME ISSUES ABOUT 14 YEARS AGO, WE SOUGHT HELP, I CALLED EVERYPLACE AVAILABLE, I TOOK CLASSES, DHS GOT INVOLVED, AND INSTEAD OF HELPING ME, THEY TOOK MY CHILD, SHUFFLED HIM AROUND THE SYSTEM, IN AND OUT OF ST.MARYS, AND OTHER TREATMENT FACILITIES, IN THE LEWISTON AUBURN AREA, I WAS THE MOST AWFUL 2 YEARS OF MY LIFE, WE WERE ACCUSED OF MINIMIZING THE SITUATION AND WERE THREATENED WITH TERMINATION OF PARENTAL RIGHTS, IT WASNT UNTIL A INCIDENT ON THEIR PART LED TO A THREATENED LAWSUIT BEFORE I WAS ABLE TO GET MY CHILD HOME, I KNOW HE NEEDED HELP BUT WHEN WE ASKED THE ONLY HELP WE GOT MEANT LOSING OUR SON, HE HAS NEVER AND WILL NEVER BE THE SAME SINCE COMING HOME, HE CLAIMS HE WAS MOLESTED BY OTHER CHILDREN WHO WERE THERE FOR SEXUAL ISSUES.. LONG STORY SHORT MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY, I KNOW HOW LONG AND HARD OF A ROAD THIS WILL BE FOR YOU.. I KNOW YOU ARE WORKING WITH TRI COUNTY AND OTHER AGENCIES FOR HELP, JUST BE CAREFUL AND SLEEP WITH ONE EYE OPEN, ALOT OF TIMES THESE STATE AGENCIES ARE NOT ALL THEY ARE CRACKED UP TO BE, I AM ALSO HAPPY TO SAY THAT MY CHILD IS NOW 20 HE HAS BEEN HOME FOR 9 YEARS, AND WE HAVE NOT HAD ANOTHER INCIDENT SINCE HE HAS BEEN HOME.. IF YOU EVER NEED A SHOULDER PLEASE KNOW THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO WILL GIVE YOU ONE!!
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What, in your opinion, irradicated the fire setting behavior?
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A few weeks ago it was the kid selling lemonade to cover a mortgage - complete with picture of child. A cheap, easy, and most probably inaccurate story - the new journalism.
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No one would read their crummy rag otherwise, so they resort to a show about freaks to bring in page views for their web advertisers!
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Your previous responses led me to believe you were a family member, as you purported to have knowlege of this child.
Turns out you don't, so am left scratching my head here. Why the previous vitriol, then?
This is obviously something that needs to be handled by therapy (may I suggest family?), not played out here on a message board.
Considering DHHS states they have NOT received an application for this treatment/placement, and determination has not been made what this child's real needs are, isn't calling the SJ a bit much? Ridiculous. This child is now labelled in public. There should be a law against supposed parents making spectacles of their children. It sounds as though this poor kid is now a walking, talking diagnosis with therapists, in-home supports, respite, etc. etc...
BTW, I threw up in my mouth a little with your comparison to another child being stabbed to death. I don't GET your even bringing that horrific tragedy up...and I'm damned glad I don't.
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It's about true love for children. It's about hoping for the best for all and not just for some. It's about extending your hand to another when they are down...instead of kicking them. It's about trying to right some of the wrongs in the world when given the oppertunity. It's not too hard to understand, Jo.
I believe this was not intended to be played out on a message board. I think it was to inform the public that there is a need in this state, that has to be met. I don't believe that DHS doesn't want to help. I think it's about the guidelines that they have to follow. I don't know much about DHS...I've been blessed never to have needed any help. But not everyone is that fortunate...and I understand this. I believe the real problem is that there is no help in this state. The cost for out of state help is astronomical...this has got to be addressed, and I believe this is why Rae's story was posted.
I don't believe this story made a spectacle of any child. I believe that some of the posters turned it into a three ring circus...those that want to condemn inorder to make themselves seem better than others for the day. Tomorrow this story will be gone, yet, Rae and other children will still need help.
I am sorry you threw up in your mouth...but when any child dies senselessly it is a tragedy for the whole community...It is the same for Rae. If he would have set himself on fire that day at his uncles...we would be mourning the loss of this child also. The comparison is not far from being the same. Children shouldn't have to die...especially if we as a community can prevent it.
We are all one people, Jo...perhaps we should all try and remember this.
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I thank you for expounding so eloquently upon your previous posts.
However, there are a few points we'll have to respectfully disagree on though, and that's perfectly okay.
Many blessings to you and yours, Madeline. You sound like a good woman...
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Dear Jo, and that is okay. :) Blessings to you and your family also. :)
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This breaks my heart, i knew this little boy when he was younger, and he's a good, sweet kid. I hope he gets the help he so desperately needs. Hang in there.
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All right...
I've got something to say...yeah.
It's better to burn out... than fade away!
....no serenade, no fire briggade...just a pyromania!
What do you want?
Come on, sing along!
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My earlier comment wasn't meant as an attack, and I certainly don't wish this child heartache in life. My point was that, for whatever reason, the mother is not equiped to handle her son and I'm glad she's asking for help before he hurts someone.
HOWEVER...to not look at the child's upbringing and family situation is irresponsible. Do not simply stick your head in the sand and say it's all psycological. Poverty and absentee fatherism contribute to ALL aspects of life.
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WOW MR DERRICK BRIGGS I'M GLAD YOU THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING. FYI HER HUSBAND DOES NOT DO THAT BUT I WILL BE SURE TO INFORM HIM WHAT YOU HAD SAID AND WHO YOU ARE. I CAN'T WAIT FOR SOMETHING TO HAPPEN TO YOUR CHILD SO THESE IGNORANT PEOPLE CAN JUDGE YOU ALSO AND I LAUGH CAUSE IT WILL BE CALLED KARMA
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This is your mentality?? You're threatening this guy and hope that something happens to his child?? Are you crazy??!! Yup, I'm sure his upbringing had nothing to do with his current state. Stick around long enough, and the truth comes out.
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Sorry to burst your bubble lady cause everyone knows how perfect and a know it all you are but I wasn't threaten anyone. Everything stated in his comment was all lies. Ya her brothers are drug dealers that's why her youngest brother just graduated HS and will be going to college next year cause he's taken a year off to work...oh wait that's right this family don't like to work cause they asking for help for a young child I forgot...my bad....
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I'm far from perfect. I don't threaten people online. "I wasn't threaten anyone." Eventhough you meant to say threatening...I still managed to understand your post. You absolutely threatened him and his child.
"I WILL BE SURE TO INFORM HIM WHAT YOU HAD SAID AND WHO YOU ARE. I CAN'T WAIT FOR SOMETHING TO HAPPEN TO YOUR CHILD" those are your genius words. And, yes, it's a threat.
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No that wasn't a threat......If it was I wouldn't have no problem admitting it......Something bad has happened to a child and his family and you low life's are out here trying to knock her down and I just hope that something happens to all you low life's and people do the same to you so all you scum's will know how it feels that's all.
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GASP! None of that can possibly be true! I don't believe one word of that!
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GASP! None of that can possibly be true! I don't believe one word of that!
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... for his next book...
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I don't get it. How many kids and how many sperm-donors? She seems to contradict herself. I'm not asking who they call "daddy". Are all of the children conceived from different "fathers"? To me, that's an important point based on some of the nonsense I read earlier. It DOES matter.
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I hope and pray to god that Karma hits you low life's real bad and something horrible happens to your family so people can start trashing you guys for real and make it seem like it's your fault. WHAT PART OF HER HAVING A JOB DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND. AND SO WHAT SHE HAS 3 KIDS BY 2 DIFFERENT GUYS. THAT IS NOT THE ISSUE HERE. THE ISSUE IS SHE'S TRYING TO FIGHT SO MAINE WILL GET THE HELP HER SON AND OTHER KIDS LIKE HIM NEEDS. SHE'S FIGHTING HARD UNLIKE YOU PEOPLE WHO ARE TRYING TO BRING HER DOWN.
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This is great. Another show about freaks. Thanks SJ!
C'mon people. This kid needs a good old fashioned spanking. He CAN control himself, he CHOOSES not to. This is not a disease. Enough with the psychobabble and let's call a spade a spade. He's being a naughty little brat, for whatever reason, and should be punished. Simple as that. As for the mother, well, thank goodness she won't be bringing any more little pyro's into this world for the taxpayers to feed. I find it hard to believe that she is in no way at fault for her son's behavior.
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This is psychological Tired not anything else that can be said or done completely. You say beating a child will work when it does not. This is not about anything other then mental illness and how to contain it in a child. I wonder if you've ever lifted a hand to any child that you had, choking them, and or beating them. You know a few punches here or there just a little bit to loosen them up rather then knowing the consequences?
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BEEP BEEP BEEP - back it up there Joe. I did NOT say "beat the child". I suggested a "good old-fashioned spanking", IE, a little discipline. Reading all of this, I'd wager that some solid discipline would do wonders for this kid. Further, I simply don't believe this crap about "mental illness" either. For crying out loud, every person on welfare has some freakin' disease that prevents them from working and this is just an extension of that foolish mindset. All of you amateur social workers have all the answers, yet the problem never gets any better, does it? I just see more and more people collecting a check - because they're naughty, because they're sad, or because they have an owie. The list goes on.
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I'm laughing at you right now because that approach does not work without knowing the psychology of the situation. If you think backing off and playing a game with others is fun then anything that we say to each other is in the wind. You wanted to enjoy this and end the mental illness angle because you're not smart enough to comprehend that angle. This is not a foolish mindset it is the truth or we could have what you wanted and eliminate completely any budget for fulfilling mental illnesses simply to satisfy that mindset. It doesn't get better without diagnostics and tests being performed since you seem to think that a good old fashioned reading worked how about a good old fashioned cold read just to satisfy my own justified ventures to probe the psyche?
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If you and Madeline are truly part of this childs family, I can see why he's a balled up mess. Your responses are ignorant, laced with name calling and very rude. I asked a very simple question. Is that how you respond to this child's worker's? Displaced anger will get you nowhere.
I agree this kid should be out of the home; it's just too bad he needs to be institutionalized at age 7, with other's up to 17 yrs old, having "sexualized, severe behavioral and emotional issues" to achieve it.
I wish this child well...
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My responses are NOT ignorant when people are posting ignorant comments on here trying to make it look like something it's not when all my niece wants is her son to get the help he needs before it's to late. And his WORKER is not acting like these ignorant people trying to put the blame on the mother.
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the responses from the family are rude, foul mouthed, and trashy. The grammar is horrible as well. Further more, I am tired of my tax dollars paying for everyone's aches and pains. Quit drinking, smoking, and buying scratch tickets and pay for your own kids needs.
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WOW SCOTT HEY GUESS WHAT SHE PAYS TAXES ALSO AND SHE DON'T DRINK, SMOKE OR PLAY SCRATCH TICKETS. WHEN SHE'S NOT WORKING SHE'S TAKING CARE OF HER KIDS. AND I WILL SAY WHAT I FEEL AND I'LL SAY IT ANY WAY I LIKE.
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You know what, even someone working a full time job would not be able to afford to send their child to a place that is $400/day! Its nice that you took the time out of your day to say those awful things about someone. Regardless, of whether theyre on the state or not, this woman needs help with her son! Would u say those things if the childs parents both worked full time jobs and were saying they needed help and couldnt afford it?! This has nothing to do with the family, and everything to do with the help this little boy so desperately needs.
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You insult others for you're own personal gain and to feel a little bit better about yourself. From what you're saying that fits you and Tired well enough to match and fits neatly into the confidence game you play on here. Just a little bit more not conning but feeling better about yourself.
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I am not part of this childs life...infact I do not know him. I remember Laura when she was a child...she's my daughters age. She has been through more than most...and has turned out quite well I am told. :) Good for you Laura. :) Jo, we do not know what nightmares people have got to live through. So I believe that we should try to assume the best instead of the worse in people. If we don't we are just shutting people down. Last month we had a ten year old thast was stabbed to death...today this little fellow says he wishes he could die. This does something to me, as it should to all of you. Today Laura has been put into the hot seat, just imagine Jo if this was you. I bet you sure would appreciate a little kindness. :)
If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble. ~Bob Hope
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i am not putting anyone down and can't believe all the people that are, but years ago i was with a guy who's 4 year old boy was a fire starter. He wasn't in his dad's life at the beginning of it because his dad too was in jail or drunk or whatever. I think it has alot to do with the REAL dad's interest and interactions with the boy that counts. I think if the boy had his real dad he wouldn't have been so bad off. That doesn't mena i think his other dad isn't good enough, i think it's phycological, I have two girls and they have a deadbeat dad and it does hurt a child in the long run, by the way the boy NEVER started a fire when he was at our house, and I don't have a clue why. But good luck on this and I think some doctors just make the problem worse.Also the boy is grown now and not a trouble maker, he makes other bad choices in life but not to hurt anyone.
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Laura, keep at it... hopefully quicker than you think or least expect it, the State will step in, or someone who is financially stable will help pick up the tab for your son.
On another note... I feel your pain (having raised a child with severe autism with other disabilities). We have had to put bars on his bedroom windows (with fire department okay), taken shifts because of self-mutilation, etc. We also had help from different organizations... so, yes I know what your are having to go through... an emotional roller coaster. We went as far as going on news to get the word out on autism and that there is help out there, however, there are only three schools in Maine for autism and a waiting list. So with that I really hope that you are able to get the appropriate services and help your son needs before something drastically happens.
Like myself, I commend you for speaking up and hope that you have the courage to let us know what happens (the out-come) of this ordeal. Good luck, keep your chin up and remember there is hope... you and your whole family.
Do not make yourself depressed or discouraged by some of the remarks others have made. You did something that took lots of courage and there are many people who support you and what you are doing. Who knows, maybe others will finally speak up knowing that they are not the only one and will come out of their shell and speak up as well.
Keep up the good work! :-)
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Maybe that's what he wants to be...
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"Then he's telling the lady he wanted to go back in the fire and kill himself because he's just a bad person." I don't think this is something that this little boy wants to be. Gee...what is wrong with some of you? This is a little boy. I believe that some of you are so desensitized to the hardships and needs of others...that you became a bigger problem than this little boy that starts fires. We wonder why children have big problems...take a look at some of you in our society.
What a rotten thing that you posted, brain. :(
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How did the SJ get ahold of this story? I'm curious if the mother contacted the press? Anyone know?
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What does that matter....it's a step forward to getting her son help
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I hope this little boy will get the help he needs...I live in a place with a burn victim and she is very badly scared for the rest of her life...She was burnt saving her brother's life. He lite some curtains on fire...She was burnt on her face, lost some of her hair and on her body...She is very lucky to be alive...
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It's painfully obvious to me that Hassan's girl does not have the capacity to deal with the situation and appropriately care for her ill son. Whether it be because of circumstance, education, socio-economic status or whatever, she needs help. While I wish she (and others currently on the government dole) would stop having babies, get educated, and find quality jobs....I do commend her for recognizing that she is illequiped to handle this situation. I hope that she and her son get the help they need because he's obviously on a path to disaster. If he turns 15 and burns your house down and kills your family, wouldn't you wish that the state would have helped him when he was 7 instead?
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Who in the hell do you think you are...for real....it's people like you and the rest of the ignorant people who don't know a damn thing about the family or the situation thinking your god and a know it all jack @ss. And why is it when something bad happens in a household it's oh they gotta be on state aid and have no job. Bravo you are a grade A loser conserva-mom. She does have a job and she's by far a better mom then you cause she's doing what it takes to get the help she needs even thou she has low life losers like you trying to bring her down. Stop judging her and trying to make it seem like it's somehow her fault or she's a bad mom. U like all the other negative people need to stop judging and let her try and get the help she needs for him. This is the only way Maine will ever get the proper buildings and staff needed for Raequann and other children like him. U and the other negative people out there don't seem to want that for some reason...hummm I wonder why....
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To conserva mom i'm not having any other children all my children are 6 yrs apart i just wasn't spitting children out I have 3 amazing kids all in there own way I may be on state aid but I also work its hard to find a job I don't just sit at home and make babies and collect state I work full time take my son to all his appointments which take 4 days out of the week go to my daughters practices and games along with my sons games and practices as well as deal with a 1 yr old I TAKE DAMM GOOD CARE OF ALL MY CHILDREN ALL I'M ASKING FOR IS TO GET MY SON HELP BEFORE HE HURTS SOMEONE OR HIS SELF
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perhaps this story needs to be dealt with in private....we all know the boy needs help..so get it...I'm sure some therapist would like to make a name for them self? and if the parent can afford Internet, they can afford help.
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For your info I dont have internet my aunt called me this morning and told me some people were being ignorant on line about the story so I came to her house to post sh*t on here so untill u know me and what I have in my house keep your mouth shut
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lets shed some light on this issue... and i'm glad the mother was brave enough to do so... good for her!!! this issue is more prevalent than we think. anyone talk to dhs? get with the program.
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Internet...19.99 a month. Care for Rae...410.00 a day. I believe the reason for this cry to the community is because their is no help at all for child pyromaniacs in this state. No help at all...What is available is out of state and unaffordable. My goodness Johnny...that was a cruel remark you made. :(
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I hope they don't get into the new Section 8 Housing in Bates Mill 2.
Maybe we could put them into old Bates Mill 5.
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as Johnny Cash would say, If someone don't stop the 'Ring Of Fire', the kid will be 'Stuck In Folsom Prison' in twenty years." (thank you Johnny Cash)
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I have section 8 a**hole I don't need to move in to bates #2 I have a landlord a nice one that understands so keep your mouth shut
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Fire has appealed and been all-powerful to Mankind since the beginnings of time. For all of the many millenia in which we've existed it has helped us survive by providing warmth, cooking, and weaponry in warfare. We associate mystical attributes to it, and fire has long been included in religion and mythology. There is no accident that we physiologically and psychologically respond to fire - the creation of fire, the cleansing of fire, the destruction of fire. It's not a 'phase' - it's who and what we are.
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he's stuck with a name like Raequann. I dunno, but getting stuck with something like that is likely to do weird things to kids. For his entire life he's going to have to teach people to pronounce it and spell it. That gets old fast.
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You are probably the only one that has ever made fun of this child's name, Tron. I believe the kids of today have grown beyond this...at least I hope they have. For those that have not, they probably have someone just like you in their lives that encourages such things, as making fun of peoples names. You amaze me, Tron. I know you can do better...I wish you would. Perhaps we could send you to Candiceanne...she would show you what she has up her sleeve for notty boys like you!
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haha it would be nice if kids have "out grown" making fun of others names. Thats not something that is out grown though. Watch or read any news source and refer to articles on harassment now they are doing it online. Like some people border line do it to each other here.
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I just consulted with my nine year old granddaughter, about making fun of other peoples names. She has informed me that there was only one boy in her classroom that did make fun of the names of others. I believe that is a great improvement compared to when I attended elementary school. Perhaps the children are kinder to one another than adults are to each other. :) Either way, an adult making fun of a childs name in order to antagonize a parent, is just plain wrong. I believe Tron can do better. I am far from perfect myself. In defense of this mother and child, I just refered to Candiceanne and her side kick as dumb and dumber. It really wasn't very kind of me. ;) I'll try to do better myself.
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YOU NEED TO NOT COMMENT ON MY SONS NAME HIS NAME HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HIS PROBLEMS HE HAS A UNIQUE NAME NOT ONE THATS COMMEN WHAT KIND OF A NAME IS TRON GET A LIFE LOSER U HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO WITH UR LIFE THAN TALK ABOUT HIS NAME U GO JERK
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Tron means 'Percy the Putrid Puking Pumpkin' in Swahili.
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First, Candicane, you are not a child pyschologist, nor do you even know this child, so you HAVE NO IDEA what his problems are.
Secondly, Candicane, you have a superior , know-it-all, attitude on every single topic. You sit upon high and try to tell us peasants how it is.
You remind me of Cliff Clavin on Cheers. You think you everything, but in truth, dont put out very much reliable information. Just a bunch of lies twisted to sound like fact.
Give it a break, cause you might just be the dumbest smart person I have ever heard of.
PS. Remember, it does take a certain degree of intelligence to be smart, and if you try to look smart without any intelligence behind it, you just look dumb.
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Candicane is the only person that I know that can "scold" a psychological problem out of a kid. Alot of psychological problems are physical in nature. In other words, ones brain may a true medical problem or chemical imbalance that causes behavioral disorders.
But, Candicane is the only mother I ever heard of that can cure these disorders by :scolding".
Simply amazing!
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Kudos to Raequann's mother for trying to get the help her son so desperately needs. If we were all perfect parents and had perfect kids like Candiceanne, then we would not need wonderful programs like Brandon. I agree with Madeleine, it's too bad Maine can't have a treatment center like Brandon. Perhaps it would cost a lot less money to have it in state. Regardless of the cost to the taxpayers of Maine, I hope Raequann is able to go to Brandon. It sounds like he could get the help there that he so desperately needs. Good luck to Laura, Raequann and the rest of their family. You are all in my prayers.
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Well, Saint candiceanne, I am certainly glad you were not my mother. You may THINK you understand disorders, but apparently you do not. And this child is 7 years old!!! He does not have the skills to know how to control himself!!! What he has is an ILLNESS! Don't you think they might just teach them at Brandon how to deal with this and control it? ....get a clue for goodness sakes! Ahhhhh, if only I were as perfect as you.
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God Forbid any of candiceann's 9 children ever had asthma, the flu or something worse, like cancer ... she would have been forced to scold them into learning how to control that. ***eyeroll***
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It's wonderful that they have a place like Brandon to help these kids, but why do they have to make it so hard for parents to be able to get their kids there by charging $410 a DAY? Even parents that make good money would have to scrimp and save for that. I know that in the end, it's worth it, but my goodness, people are desperate when they send their kids there, make it more accessable! My best wishes to Raequann, believe in yourself, young man and you will get better! How scary it must be for such a little boy to realize, that young, he has such a serious problem. On the other hand, how wonderful for a little boy to know it is a problem. Good luck, Raequann!!! You can do it!!!
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Perhaps Maine could look into getting such a treatment center of their own. Maybe they could make it more affordable. Maine has nothing for these cases.
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Obviously the kid needs some serious help.. how long is this program going to take?? How much is the State of Maine going to have to pay??
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Fake Screen Name, if we do not pay the money now, chances are, we will be paying for a grown man that is arrested for arson and perhaps manslaughter. If that should happen....the cost then will far more exceed the cost of getting this little seven year old help now.
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is a legend in her own mind.
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It's clear that many of the people commenting have never worked with juvenile fire setters before. There is a very specific skill set required to ensure appropriate therapy and reduce the rate of recidivism. Clearly, the programs that this young man has participated in have not worked. What is the state waiting for? Send him to Brandon- they clearly know what they are doing. It sure sounds pricey but bottom line, what's the alternative? Continuing to pay less for a day rate at a local facility that doesn't work? Waiting for more damage to occur? Worse yet, for someone to be seriously injured or killed in a fire?
This family wants help, and deserves it. Our role is not to judge them and ponder the reason this child sets fire, but to recognize the fact that they are asking for help. No one is validating these fires. Kids that set fires often cannot control themselves, just as alcoholics cannot control themselves. No one would laugh at an alcoholic who says, "I just can't control myself". We would sympathize and try to be supportive of his attempts at sobriety.
Pony up ME, start writing a check for $410 a day. It's well worth it.
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My oldest daughter,one of the three who I gave birth to has profound learning disabilities to the point the school psychologist cried at her 3rd grade PET because my saughter's goal was to read a chapter book. She said children with my daughter's level of disability did not have those types of goals and asperations. My daughter was never ever told you can't. She was always told you can do anything you set your mind to. In 1998, I moved the family out of Maine to give the three children at home better opportunities. I had already put one child I did not give birth to with profound learnong disabilities perhaps worse than my birth daughters through college and he was doing great at his job and another had been in business for himself quite a number of years doing very well. Where we moved to schools are county run with each high school serving the local students and having a magnet componant. My daughter with the severe learning disability, she was bussed down the county to one of the country's top 100 hundred high schools to participate in a program for outstanding students beginning her freshman year. She was in all honors classes as a freshman. By senior year she was dual enrolled in college. The child with learning disabilities so profound her school psychologist cried at her third grade PET graduated 7th in her class.
Oneboy who came to me when he was in 7th grade continues to serve in the United States Army. I have lost count of his tours in Iraq and Afganistan. His 1 year older half brother recently left the army to join the Tennessee State Troopers and has blessed me with a beautiful grand son, my second grand son. His one year older brother recently relocated to Tenessee with the company he has been with for the past ten years or so. My biological son falls next in line. He is married and they are expecting their first, my second grand daughter. He is a heavy equipment operator with a heart for farming, truck driving and all things community service . Both girls who are mine by birth work and attend college full-time. The last is a boy between the girls who came into the family at a time when I thought I was done taking on children but he was a real blessing as they all are. Dispite serious learning disabilities and a tough past he has completed the trade school program of his choice and has a job he loves.
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The following statements have appeared throughout your various posts today. Why do you feel it necessary to distinguish between your biological and non-biological children? Is this how you always refer to them?
"I have raised 9 children only three of which I gave birth to..."
"My oldest daughter,one of the three who I gave birth to…"
"I had already put one child I did not give birth to with profound learnong disabilities perhaps worse than my birth daughters through college"
"One boy who came to me when he was in 7th grade continues to serve in the United States Army."
"My biological son falls next in line. He is married…"
"The last is a boy between the girls who came into the family at a time when I thought I was done taking on children"
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I had written a similar comment then decided against it, because this clown only has me, me, me and I, I, I in her vocabulary she is a very self-centered person, a narcissist.
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In light of the conduct of so many women today as interestingly put by another to behave as "Pez Dispensers,"it has been necessary to make it clear that I am not one even though I raised nine wonderful children. I have spent 30 years cleaning up after these "Pez Dispensers" by caring for the most wonderful human beings raising 9 children, loving carrying for, and feeling as if gave birth to each and every unique and precious one. Where I to have just said I had 9 children or written of my nine you would have thought I was irresponsible and in all but the rarest cases, bringing 9 children into the world would be highly irresponsible. The Duckers, I believe that is the correct name, would be a rare exception. I also wanted it clear that even children who had come from "less than ideal" circumstances can have their lives turned around as with the children who joined our family in their pre-teens and teens.
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if you truly believe this to be so-then why the harshness? have you turned away a child for being a fire starter? have you turned away a child for their at the moment bad behaviors because of what they have had to endure in their lifetime. there are so many 'unwanted' children in maine and even in the world and this is how we treat them? its NOT just the parents trying to survive and raising their children in a single parent household-or two parent household that are parenting their children and teaching them along the way to be responsible adults... behaviors or addictions can just happen-its deeper than we may think. i just kinda wonder about what people think about mental health issues... i mean are we that ignorant?
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This is not about YOUR children. We are all happy things worked out well for YOU and your children...and we want the same for Laura and her son. Again, A child pyromaniac is a child with an impulse-control disorder that is primarily distinguished by a compulsion to set fires in order to relieve built-up tension...It is a disorder, and needs to be treated...this Mopm is trying to get him that help. Do you have NO understanding, Candiceanne? Unless YOU have had a child that is a pyromanic...YOU have NO idea what this Mom is going through. :( Shame on YOU, Candiceanne!!!
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I was responding to Rae's mother's aunt who seems to think there is smomething wrong with someone who can successfully raise three bilogical children and six non-biological children to be healthy, resposible, contributing adults. I DISAGREE WITH YOU THAT RAE HAS AN IMPULSE CONTROL PROBLEM, HE HAS A PARENTAL CONTROL PROBLEM. From experience, the best thing for RAE would be for the state to take him immediately, haul his butt to Brandon for as long as it takes, change his name and place him with a strict and active family that will promote his interests and propel him into a sucessful life. Before anyone else freaks, I said RAE, not the boy who was molested or anyone else mentioned in the article.
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if rae had a parental control problem i don't think that his mother would love him so much to be pursuing the mass deal.
i still will not ever understand how someone can make accusations or arguments about someone when they know not a thing about them. there is something very terribly wrong with this picture.
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You suck as a human.
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The above comment I made is directed at CandiceAnn. CandiceAnn, you suck as a human!
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I was responding to Rae's mother's aunt who seems to think there is smomething wrong with someone who can successfully raise three bilogical children and six non-biological children to be healthy, resposible, contributing adults. I DISAGREE WITH YOU THAT RAE HAS AN IMPULSE CONTROL PROBLEM, HE HAS A PARENTAL CONTROL PROBLEM. From experience, the best thing for RAE would be for the state to take him immediately, haul his butt to Brandon for as long as it takes, change his name and place him with a strict and active family that will promote his interests and propel him into a sucessful life. Before anyone else freaks, I said RAE, not the boy who was molested or anyone else mentioned in the article.
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He has no parenting problem hes in a loving home with me and his dad and his siblings take him a way for what im a damm good mom and nobodys going to tell me different i didnt ask for public insults i just wanted people to know that this is a growing proublem and how many other children out there have this problem u would be the reason why nobody would say anything afraid of being critisized
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hasansgirl2001, I commend you for being brave enough to get the word out there amongst your neighbors and community that your son has this problem. There are very few parents who would openly admit that their child has any problem at all. Some who would go to great lengths to convince everyone around them that they and their children are perfect and flawless.
I also commend you for all of the work and patience you put into helping him get better. With your perseverance and dedication to this I have no doubt you will raise an amazing young man.
For those who are attacking her for this article. What if she had not spoken up about this? What if she had not attempted to get help for him? What if she was in denial about his problem and swept it under the rug? What if, God forbid, she never spoke of it at all and the boy set a deadly fire. How many of you hypocrites would then be jumping all over her for NOT seeking help, for NOT alerting neighbors and community, for NOT being a good mother? Either way it seems she would not be good enough in your eyes. THAT is disgusting!
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Thank you eye roll at least someone sees my point if everyone only knew how I hurt inside everytime he wants to go to a friends house and I have to tell him no and he cries cause he dont understand I fire proof my home but I cant expect everybody too what they do in there home is there buisness
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ONCE AGAIN YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT. HOW DO YOU KNOW HER N HER HUSBAND AREN'T STRICT IN THEIR HOUSEHOLD. AND I NEVER SAID SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH SOMEONE WHO CAN SUCCESSFULLY RAISE ANY CHILDREN. BUT I DID SAY YOU WASN'T PERFECT N THAT NOBODY IS PERFECT SO ONCE AGAIN STOP TRYING TO LABEL YOURSELF AS BEING PERFECT CAUSE ANOTHER NEWS FLASH YOUR ARE NOT PERFECT. AND STOP ACTING LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON IN THEIR HOUSEHOLD CAUSE YOU SURELY DO NOT KNOW.
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Tell me something Candice do any of you're own children suffer from RAD or any other anti-social disorders due to you're pressure on their lives to conform squarely to the demands of the routine life that you want? Looking at it logically that would be an abusive parenting style not all parents understand mental illness and judging from it the outdated doctrinal thought that you used comes from an older school of logical assumptions. It is impulse control which we learn about as future educators in every college course. He cannot stop himself and it is a stronger obsession and form of thought with obsessive compulsive disorder. Not boiling down to active parenting it boils down to mental illness. You want that parenting style to be a scaffold developmental methodology yet it is not and prompts abusive policies within a household by completely removing them. You want to destroy a family over you're own little cruel game if you want to advocate that I could advocate that the little abusive pro-conformist stance damages children.
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Joe I believe in my very first post I wrote that we have lost an entire generation and have started on a second with your ideas. No, my children, in fact no member of my family suffer from any mental illness or anti-social behavior and I credit the fantastic upbring we have had in personal responsibility, accountability, and that we have all been told from birth we can do and be whatever we set our minds and hearts to be. My children would most definitly dispute your assumption that they were subject to "preasure on their lives to conform squarely to the demands of the routine life that you want." First and foremost they would dispute that their lives were "routine." They would say they new there were rules at home they were expected to fall, rules of life, and that there were rules AKA laws in society that also applied to them. They were taught that failure to obey had consequences, don't we wish the courts impossed the consequences prescribed against criminals? The children also emphatically had our support, backing and we were there to fight for them to be all they could be. It was not always the case for these kids. Briefly, one of my boys came to me with significant learning disabilities. His whole life his mother had told him he could not. He still had a glimmer of a dream and hope when he arriven but barely. He had a carereer he wanted to pursue but she had always said, "you can't." In your world she was right and he would spend the rest of his life on welfare and unhappy. In his and mine, he was told of course you can, you will just have to work harder and do things differently but together we will figure it out if this is what you want. He graduated at the top of his post secondary trade school class, got a great job and is even thinking about going back to school to go further because he can! Rae CAN too! STOP HANDICAPPING OUR CHILDREN AND OUR DISABLING OUR HANDICAPPED!
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Don't say I'm handicapping or disabling you know I have aspergers but what burns you up inside that I came out of the same situations and know the factors. This is psychological not parental what you tear apart from the child you have foreknowledge of and say it anyway.
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Take him from his parents? "haul his butt"? YOU are, a legend in your own mind. You said, the boy that burnt his bed was in a different catagory than Rae. The boy that burnt the bed was also diagnoised as being a pyromaniac as is Rae. YOUR point, Candiceanne? Do you think that this child should be placed with someone like YOU? Wow, you are really on an ego tripp...it is very unbecoming!
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But I have to ask, where is the "old" husband, (perhaps Raequann's father) in all of this.
And with all the help that the kid needs, not to mention a 12 you daughter, and the State having to foot the bill, was it really necessary to get pregnant again?
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There is no old husband when they said new husband they meant i was newly married got married May 22 of this year so there is no old husband. As for his dad he is in and out of jail he seen his dad maybe 3 times in his life my husband is his dad been there since he was in my belly and hes the strictist man i know and it still dont make my son stop. Playing the system we are not playing the system just trying to get him help thats all
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Try using doesn't in place of don't. It will make you points much more valid. :)
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First and foremost, I hope the child and the family get the treatment they need. There is no simple solution to this situation, and I firmly believe that the entire family needs to get involved. The problem cannot be solved simply by sending the child away (I think most people know this). The parents must be involved (as it sounds like they are) and they will need to re-evaluate the way in which they deal with the child's actions and the other possible factors that are contributing to his disturbing behavior. I think it would be unfortunate for the state to foot the entire bill, thoughl. Has anyone contacted Brandon to see if payment is negotiable or if there is a sliding fee scale for low income applicants? Are there other social services out there that can assist? I was curious, so I looked up on my private insurance plan and treatment at such a facility as Brandon is not covered. Incidently, I do not have the financial resources to pay for such inpatient treatment if something similar happened. I know the state would certainly not offer assistance to me in this situation. Very messy on all accounts. I would suggest, again, to appeal to local social service groups that may be able to assist.
Secondly, I find it very difficult to read most posts on this forum due to poor grammar and spelling. I am sure people have excellent points to make, but I lose interest if there is one paragraph that is a giant run-on sentence. I know this is probably petty, but constant double negatives, improper verb conjugation, and run-ons detract from your point (even though you have an important one to make). I know we all make occasional mistakes, but I will stop reading a post if it does not make sense. I am not a snob, nor do I think I am more educated than many people on this forum. I simply want to point out that sometimes the purpose of a post is lost if a reader cannot follow your writing.
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*your haha
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You don't need to explain yourself....those that attack you or your family, don't know you...and know nothing about pyromaniacs. I hope Rae gets into Brandon. I believe you will all benefit from it. Keep your chin up girl. I remember you when you were just a little girl, Laura. You overcame much in your childhood, and in your life. You will overcome this also. :) God bless you. :)
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exactly-you don't owe anyone an explanation. never mind the rudeness on sj-many are just full of it. they are no better than you or i... they just want to believe they are. you have shed light on this issue-it is common in children... people who foster children have the right to ask for no fire starters-but i think with your real life experiences it goes to show that any child should not be turned away, but there is help out there for the children who desperately need it. it is also great experiences going to sessions (or hopefully mass (fingers crossed")) for you child-this can teach him life skills/social skills that he may have otherwise may not have a chance to have. you have done a good thing. don't regret it.
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FYI the "old husband" is not his father and he's also trying to help get the boy some help. As for his father I agree with Madeline go find him and tell him your thoughts.
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This is about getting young pyromaniacs help! It's not about condeming their families. There is a time and a place for everything treehugger...this is neither the time or place! If you are that concerned about this young childs father, perhaps YOU could find him and tell him your thoughts, face to face. This child is seven, get it? His Mom is trying to get him help, get it? Treehugger, do you know anything about these people? I know you don't, because if you did, you wouldn't be spouting off. :(
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having worked with and among dysfunctional families I am just pointing out a common thread.
Some women have a pattern of thinking of themselves as Pez dispensers and spitting out kids of any
sperm donor that comes along that is "Mr Right" of that moment.
I have a woman that lives down the street that was crying about the State not being able to provide
help with her violent 14 yo boy. The kid had been moved back to the home after a stay at Spurwink School.
The State provide her with in-house child care workers and after a year, they could not fund it anymore.
She was telling me this as her 8 yo boy was selling me cookies from his school, (never did see the cookies) and she was
8 months pregnant with her 3rd kid. "What am I going to do".
I told her to stop having kids and get the boy's father to help. (Hmmm, I wonder if that's why I never saw the cookies).
Three kids, three different fathers. The two boys are constantly in trouble with the law.
Guess you can't blame the kids, the 8 yo father told me he had 13 kids in all. FIne example of a father.
I was talking to one of these Pez dispensers one time about her child and commented about the boyfriend. She corrected me and told me that "Carlos" was not her boyfriend, just her "baby's daddy".
"Ding"!
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Just cause you had that lil experience doesn't mean every lady is doing the same thing if they have more then one child and more then 1 baby daddy......your labeling one person cause of another persons wrong doing...
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I dont just spit out kids thank u my oldest daughter is the only one that has a different father because I was young and thought I was in love my last 2 have the same father and i dont just fall for a mr right all my relationships have been 5 yrs or more so keep that in mind
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...must be in the wrong line of work. what does this have anything to do with this woman and her son? are we judging?
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Honey, how's the weather over there in Oz? :)
To judge;To form an opinion or estimation of after careful consideration.
Guess when one has a different opinion than yours, it's a bad thing. :(
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loverly-just had a rainbow over my house...
would you rather me use opinionated, crast, hateful, crude, ignorant? what? i don't mind that other people have different thoughts or feelings to situations, etc. but to make a mockery of others, belittle, down them, be hateful, or self-righteous is not very becoming of someone who chooses to act that way. i think it is more that when i have to different opinion and not afraid to speak up-its a bad thing for those who want to start an argument-which i see no point in-i don't owe an explanation to anyone. all i know is when i go to bed a night and wake up every morning i am being the best person that i can be for myself without causing or wanting ill will on someone or thinking that i am better than someone (cuz i am NOT). i am satisfied in my life without having to put someone down in the meantime while i'm living it.
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You come on to this forum and put people down every day. And you do act like you are better than everyone else.
You tell the forum how much more advanced your ideas are and how stupid and archaic everyone else's is. You are full of yourself.
How in the world can you write these lies about yourself?
Quote:
"all i know is when i go to bed a night and wake up every morning i am being the best person that i can be for myself without causing or wanting ill will on someone or thinking that i am better than someone (cuz i am NOT). i am satisfied in my life without having to put someone down in the meantime while i'm living it."
End Quote:
That is all a lie, go back and read your posts this week and you will see.
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No, Madeleine these are exactly the points. This boy did not just one day come out of a vacum and start fires and declare he has no control of himself coming into existance at 5 years old. We ass a nation are in the process of losing not a FIRST, but a SECOND whole generation because we hold no one accountable and no one responsible. We look for painless fixes and there are none. Being a parent is hardwork 24/7 365 days a year for a lot more than 18 years per child. We have babies having baies and babies killing their babies when they can not cope or those babies killing others because they are never taught self-control, accountability and responsibility.
Someone here mentioned they played with fire as a small child. I have sons that did the same and I agree it is normal especially when you see mom and/or dad lighting fires for camping/ BBQs/brush but I think the difference is in what you said after, you were told it was unacceptable and punished. The consequences were made real for you and not a reward. This kid has adults falling all over themselves showering him with attention for one reason and one reason only FIRE. Wrong answer.
I can see real serious consequences for the other children in this family having the message pounded home day in and day out, if I do bad like Rae, I will get all this attention (not disciplinary) taken out, "mentored" all the good stuff. I can here the wheels turning, Kwhat can I do to get the attention on me." This is what our society has created in place of strong self-motivated individuals with self-respect and confidence who are productive contributing citizens. It starts in the family, with the family and at birth.
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If I do "BAD" like Rae? Now YOU have labled him as being bad? He is a child with a disorder, that needs to be treated, get it? This family is doing there best to get him help. They could just let him continue, and pretend this is not happening...until someone dies. There is enough blame to go around, that is for sure. Blame will not help this child! Most child pyromaniacs are between five and ten years of age and don't realize the dangers of playing with fire. Pathological fire-setting, known as pyromania, manifests when the action is “a deliberate, planned, and persistent behavior." Juveniles in this severe group set about 5.3 fires. Most young children are not diagnosed as having pyromania but conduct disorders. (They are not even diagnoised correctly)
Kinda like what you are doing, Candiceanne!
YOU stated, It starts in the family, with the family and at birth. Really? There are many God fearing people, that have raised their children with great morals and values, not only in word...but these parents lived well. They set a good example. Then these children grow up and go out and do exactly the opposite of what they were taught!!! What then Einstein? Get over yourself! Thank God your children are doing well, yet you never know what tomorrow may bring! Your condemning of small children, is a sure sign that you will someday reap what you are sowing!
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Madeleine, dear, calm down and think. As you wrote I said if I DO bad not that you or I or any one else IS bad. That divisionis important, the diference between the thing done and the person doing the thing. I do not consider Rae to be bad I believe Rae chooses to do bad things.
Not all cases are the same. Lets take the case of the boy who was molested and set fire to his bed in his attempt to escape the molestation. No one, least of all me, would suggest this boy did not need treatment. He needs treatment for having been molested, to help him deal with all the issues surrounding it for the fire setting in response so he does not consider that an acceptable response in the future though I think that highly unlikely. I suggest you read your own definition of pyromaniac here again it is very apt here. Rae sets fires not because he was molested but because he learned from that first normal experimention with fire that his fire setting or the threat he would set got him positive attention he thrives on. Attention other kids get by getting good grades, playing a musical instrument, playing a sport, or some other productive activity Rae found out he can get a ton of just by people thinking he might set a fire and when that attention wanes or gets diverted like when his mom got in trouble with her pregnancy he sets a fire immediately to get all the attention and then some back to himself. Pyromaniacs set fires not for attention, they do it for the FIRE EVENT. They want to destroy something, see the pretty flames etc as you wrote.
When I wrote problems start at birth I was refering to the consequences of lack of parenting skills. I would point out another very heartbreaking story in today's paper of a young father from Caribou aawaiting trial in the death of his 3 month old daughter who he admits he throuw into her crib to stop her crying. He was 17. Her head hit the crib and her crying stopped forever.
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for your information candiceanne my son plays sports and we do tell him he can do anything he wants to do if he sets his mind to it be whatever he wants to be when he grows up so like everybody has told u u dont know me or my family and i give all my children attention my daughters in high school this year she does track,cheering and basketball so not all the attention goes to my son
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You stated that other CHILDREN would see pyromania, as a means of getting attention...did YOU not? As an adult I could care less if YOU judged me...and I didn't think you did. I believe you are judging Laura and her son, and all pyromaniac children. I believe you do not get it. Joe, responded to you, as many others did...perhaps you should read what they have had to say....YOU are not an authority on pyromaniacs. Your means of child rearing could be detrimental to a child like Rae.
You now state, "Attention other kids get by getting good grades, playing a musical instrument, playing a sport, or some other productive activity Rae found out he can get a ton of just by people thinking he might set a fire and when that attention wanes or gets diverted like when his mom got in trouble with her pregnancy he sets a fire immediately to get all the attention and then some back to himself...... Pyromaniacs set fires not for attention, they do it for the FIRE EVENT. They want to destroy something, see the pretty flames etc as you wrote." Are You a NUT Candeiceanne? I never wrote that children want to see pretty flames.
I am beginning to believe that you only raised children so that YOU could get a high from controlling others...especially children. I think YOU really don't like children at all. We have also read some pretty sad stories in this paper, of foster mothers that claimed to love children...yet the urge to control caused them to kill these children. Ahh Candice, you don't impress me one bit.
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Madeleine, dear, calm down and think. As you wrote I said if I DO bad not that you or I or any one else IS bad. That divisionis important, the diference between the thing done and the person doing the thing. I do not consider Rae to be bad I believe Rae chooses to do bad things.
Not all cases are the same. Lets take the case of the boy who was molested and set fire to his bed in his attempt to escape the molestation. No one, least of all me, would suggest this boy did not need treatment. He needs treatment for having been molested, to help him deal with all the issues surrounding it for the fire setting in response so he does not consider that an acceptable response in the future though I think that highly unlikely. I suggest you read your own definition of pyromaniac here again it is very apt here. Rae sets fires not because he was molested but because he learned from that first normal experimention with fire that his fire setting or the threat he would set got him positive attention he thrives on. Attention other kids get by getting good grades, playing a musical instrument, playing a sport, or some other productive activity Rae found out he can get a ton of just by people thinking he might set a fire and when that attention wanes or gets diverted like when his mom got in trouble with her pregnancy he sets a fire immediately to get all the attention and then some back to himself. Pyromaniacs set fires not for attention, they do it for the FIRE EVENT. They want to destroy something, see the pretty flames etc as you wrote.
When I wrote problems start at birth I was refering to the consequences of lack of parenting skills. I would point out another very heartbreaking story in today's paper of a young father from Caribou aawaiting trial in the death of his 3 month old daughter who he admits he throuw into her crib to stop her crying. He was 17. Her head hit the crib and her crying stopped forever.
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In a world where people tend to brush things that bring shame under the rug, you have let other parents going through the same sort of things, know there is help. Good for you! Your son is only seven years old, and you have been on this since day one. I believe that it is not you that did not want to help your son, it was the lack of help in this state. Thank you for aiding other parents. Perhaps other parents are going though the same thing, and they too have no where to turn for help...perhaps they are to ashamed and are trying to handle this in secret. I commend you for your courage...that proves to me that the welfare of your child and others, comes ahead of pride. :) Keep your chin up Mom...I believe help will come.
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I cannot believe some of these ignorant comments! The boy is sick and the mom has done everything she can to help him. Walk a mile in her shoes and see how you do! I am sure , the person with 9 children, not all of them walk on water, nor do anyone's children. It is not easy asking outside of your family for help when your child is obviously disturbed. Way to go Mom!!
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Nobody should be downing or trying to put the blame on my niece. She is trying her best to get her son the help he needs. She doesn't reward him for his actions and he's not playing the state or doing this for attention. The state is basically telling her he needs to hurt someone before they can help and she's trying to get him the help he needs before it comes to that.
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Typical, multiple children with multiple partners, no eduction or parenting skills. No father figure for a role model. Breed them and let the taxpayers feed them. Sad and disgusting.
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To let u know my nieces kids have the same father except the oldest and she works too so she pays taxes like everybody else who works
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good for you momma for trying to get help for your lil one. i hope everything works out for you and your family! the program in mass seems to be a great one...
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Handcuff the little bugger. Harder to light fires when you can't use your hands.
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How about a loser like you getting handcuffed. That is not what he needs. And your are a grade A low life loser for ever suggesting any child be handcuffed. CAN WE SAY CHILD ABUSE YA I THINK UR A CHILD ABUSER FOR EVEN THINKING THIS WAS THE SOLUTION FOR HIM.
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DR and RuffRyderGirl, please review our commenting policy.
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My, my. Such a temper. Light any fires recently?
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After I read your post, Dr...this came to mind. “Mocking laughter from Hell.” Shame on you, Dr.
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Keep on name-calling, dearie. Just adds to your charm.
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If I was aspiring to be charming, I guess I would find your post offensive. Being charming was the last thing I had on my mind after reading your mean spirited post. Honesty is what I was aspiring for...and I believe my words were honest and truthful. ;)
“Do all the good you can,
By all the means you can,
In all the ways you can,
In all the places you can,
At all the times you can,
To all the people you can,
As long as ever you can.”
-John Wesley
Being mean spirited, is far from being charming. Charm is the ability to make someone else think that both of you are pretty wonderful. I believe you are not charming either!
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I have raised 9 children only three of which I gave birth to. I love everyone of my kids as much as any of the others. They are all amazing human beings. Never, certainly not at 5 years old, 10, years old, 15 years old or now at the oldests age of 36 would I ever accept the statement, "I can't control myself." Such a statement is not a fact but an excuse to do whatever you feel like whenever you feel like and not take responsibility for your actions and those are never acceptable conditions. You do not get ahead in life accepting that attitude from your self and you set your child up for a life of heartache and misery accepting it from them. I would like to know why this boys mother did not say, "Son, you can and you will control yourself, that is just how it is. We don't do this."
The other thing that I see here is this behavior being reinforced. This kid is getting all this extra and special attention, he has people taking him out 4 and 5 times a week "mentoring" and he is the center of all kinds of attention so long as he keeps this up and he has figured this out. He knows, my playing with fire gets me things and attention I like; I get rewarded for doing this. This kid is not dumb, he learned to play the system at 5 years old with the help of all these professionals. So long as the attention he is getting is happy rewarding attention he will keep this up. Make the attention of an unpleasant, unrewarding variety and it will cease.
Reading about the Brandon School what I have said is what they are doing. Too bad Rae's parents and the state had to make it necessary for Brandon to do something so simple and we can only hope that when he comes back they don't undo it. I also hope someone doesn't get hurt or killed because of this case or another one because certainly this is not the only case like this. We have to insist on personal responsibility and tell our children always, yes you can.
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"I have raised 9 children only three of which I gave birth to. I love everyone of my kids as much as any of the others. They are all amazing human beings." Other than you... I wish I could count how many times you have posted the same drivel as if that makes you mother superior.
Give this forum a break and find a new line to start your stupid comments with, like your the answer to a prayer. I roll my eyes every time I see your asinine comments.
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Candiceanne, did you not read where this seven year old child wished he could go back and die in the fire!!! You accuse him of being an attention seeker? Are you for real? YOU heartless wonder. How about the child that burnt his bed? The child that wanted the molestation to stop, so by burning his bed he thought he would be free from being abused. ADULT's are notorious for displaying lack of control....open your eyes, YOU'RE one of those adults! Here is something that YOU are in control of Candiceanne, " Whether or not you judge other people." And you have displayed lack of self-control!
A child pyromaniac is a child with an "impulse-control disorder" that is primarily distinguished by a compulsion to set fires in order to relieve built-up tension.
This gosh darn world is so full of tension, it's no wonder children set fires. STOP condemning the child and his Mother, it doesn't help...perhaps it is exactly the reason this child feels so much tension. It's not easy being a kid, especially when you have a disorder. Get over yourself lady, this is a small child...and his mother has done everything she can think of to get him help! She has even come to the newspaper and is now seeking help from the community. You are NOT the answer to her prayers...you are nothing more than a show off...and you are showing off at the expense of a seven year old child and his Mom. I'm not impressed! :(
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The kid who set fire to his bed in his attempt to stop being molested is a whole different thing. What I, and I believe most writers have been responding to is Rae and I have written his name in my comments to make that abundantly clear. Lets take a moment to disect Rae's case a bit. At age 5 he gets a hold of some matches and sets a sock on fire in his bedroom. He tells his mother this had something to do with keeping the fish warm and she says it did take place right next to the fish tank. Now I don't claim to be perfect and my parents certainly weren't either nor my grandparents nor theirs, but all generations work, went to college where appropriate, hold down jobs, no one went to jail, certainly not prison, no drugs beyond alcohol that I am aware of and we are a really big family. Any one of us would have set a sock on fire even if it was to keep the fish warm there would have been serious consequences. None of us would ever have considered doing it again or anything close. None of us as parents would have called a friendly fireman in to have a chat with little Johnny or Suzy and no Johnny or Suzy would tell any adult "I can't control myself." Rae was taught that phrase and he was taught he could use it and how.
Since the first fire at 5 that we could attribute to normal childhood experimentation there have been two more fires. The events surrounding these to me are more interesting than the fires. I say this because he could have repeated any behavior and it would be the same and I may have the order mixed up which is also irrelevant. I think you will see what I mean. The first fire was at age 6 when he placed a pillow on the stove turned it on and burned up the kitchen. What lead to his doing this? Attention was diverted from him to his mother and he unborn child. Rae lost control of the center of attention when his mother got into trouble with her pregnancy and rushed to the hospital. Not only was mom suddenly the center of attention and not Rae, there was no adult fawning over him since his aunt had not arrived. The last fire was at age 7 when he burned a dwelling down. This time he was, I believe visiting an Uncle and playing with other children, the uncles who competed for the man's attention and Rae was not at the center again. This kid is older and wiser. He knows how to manipulate and he knows setting fires and the threat he will set fires keeps all attention on him. That attention is not Rae kept sitting in a chair at the table, in A corner or someplace else always in sight and away from anything and everything he can start a fire with so it is punishment. No, Rae is rewawred with the attention he gets with trips here and there to talk to people who say nice things to him and continue the "you can't control yourself" "its not your fault" game, take him to the storre and the park to give mom a break and soforth keep mom's attention on him to the exclusion of his siblings and no discipline. Heck he has the current man of the house staying up all night and out of the marital bed. Rae runs this family.
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For your information my son dont run my house hold we take shifts in the home to make sure the neighbors and there children along with our other children are safe so till u know what we go through on a daily baise dont tell me hes an attention getter
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Would you like to respond? Login or create a new account. You'll need to verify your account before you can respond.Candiceanne, take a break.
Candiceanne, take a break. Even you with the patience of a saint can't talk sense to idiots. Lady, your son is running your house and has been since before he was 5 years old. He has complete control whether you want to admit it or not. Ya, ya, ya, blah, blah, blah someone now has to be up 24/7 to make sure the little SOB doesn't get lonely and burn the place down killing you, one of his delightful welfare collecting siblings, your latest fella or the neighbors. Atleast with him keeping either you or the man out of the bed we do not need to worry about you popping out another that we can expect from your daughter at anytime who I now calculate to be 13 or 14. With little brother getting all your attention for bad behavior she will be looking to get some of her own and a baby is the perfect way to get it. Either you will have to pay attention or she will get that unconditional love from her baby.
How to deal with junior? Start by completely, and I mean completely stripping his room. Remove toys, curtains, bed, all furniture including the bed, all clothing and the carpeting. Have the power disconnected to that room. Have a smoke and fire alarm installed well out of reach. Put a top notch lock on the outside of the door where other children can not reach it. At bedtime strip search him. stick him in, lock the door and do not give him attention. You are, pardon the pun, adding fuel to the fire with this one catering to his desire for attention, it is not healthy for him or your other children.
Remove all lighters, candles, matches, sterno, and other "combustibles" from your home. Absolutely no one smokes there or brings smoking materials to the home. During the day, he sits at the table in the center of a room away from sofas, chairs, curtains and so on or in the center of the room also away from everything. No games or toys that are electrical or can be combustible. No more "outings" with mentors or relief people alone. Let the other kids share in the attention he should not be getting rewarded.
Lady your son does run your house by keeping you and your man from sleeping peacefully together at night. He runs your house by constantly keeping all attention on him out of fear depriving your other children of your attention and nurturing. When was the last time you and your daughter went window shopping or even a walk around the block without you being afraid junior was setting a fire? Candiceanne has been deadon lets just hope no one ends up dead before some control gets exercised.
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Would you like to respond? Login or create a new account. You'll need to verify your account before you can respond.For all of the second grade
For all of the second grade vitriole being hurled at this post, I can understand why the kid's out of control. DWilson obviously has some kind of experience in the system (police, education, social work...) as his suggested methods are quite valid. The kid is indeed pulling a power grab with the consent of the adults. One of the best things I can add to the list would be a loud door alarm. You can get one for about five dollars and they install in minutes. Stop spending so much time on a bogus DSM diagnosis (unless you can be honest with yourself and admit you like the SSI money) and look at it from the standpoint of a power struggle.
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Would you like to respond? Login or create a new account. You'll need to verify your account before you can respond.WOW your a loser
WOW your a loser also.....just like the rest of these pathetic poor excuse for human beings....why is it when someone trys to get the help they need they have jack offs like you and the b*tch who thinks she's a saint and the child abuser DK who try to bring them down but yet if she was to continue to not help her child and he hurts someone really bad in the fire or wound up killing someone in the fire you idiots would put the blame on the parents and say "WHY DIDN'T SHE GET HIM ANY HELP WHEN SHE KNEW HE HAD A PROBLEM" Here she is trying to get him help when she knows he has a problem and you all still wanna knock her down and try to make it out of something it's not. SHE'S NOT DOING THIS FOR THE MONEY @SS MUNCH. AND FURTHER MORE SHE DON'T WANT HER SON ON SSI. I'M SORRY IF NOT EVERYONE CAN BE BORN WITH A PRETEND SILVER SPOON LIKE YOU LOSERS WHO THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING WHEN YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T.
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Would you like to respond? Login or create a new account. You'll need to verify your account before you can respond.Wow, just amazing :(
(unless you can be honest with yourself and admit you like the SSI money)? Do you judge everyone this way? Is it always about money? What if this woman had no state aid...would that change the fact that her child is a pyromaniac? Gee whiz Mac antsaior...when will you realize that each case is complex and different. Stop trying to fit all people into the same mold. It really is shameful.
The question here is, why doesn't Maine have help for these children? For goodness sake we have plenty of help for drug addicts and alcoholics. Is it because sick adults count more than sick children? What is your point really. It really doesn't matter who thinks they are smart, or who you deem to be a bad parent, or who has experience...It's about children receiving the help they need before it's to late.
Do you believe the school he attends, or the church he attends, or perhaps the stores that they shop in will all put door buzzers up...and what good what it do if they did? This boy needs to be cured of this, so he can one day be free from this sickness. A power struggle? Who are you to make that assertion?
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I work in the behavioral field if you must know. Sadly, I see most often that it's a matter of control more often than not. Also, if this parent truly knows their child, than they will stay ahead of their child in the community. Also just as sad, I've seen more "parents" with an entitlement mentallity when it comes to benefits and services.
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Would you like to respond? Login or create a new account. You'll need to verify your account before you can respond.Excuse me?
I understand that you perhaps have worked in the behavioral field...so you know that no two children or cases are the same, correct? If you worked in this field why don't you tell us why there is no help for these children in this state? And if you concentrate only on being ahead of your child...what happens when you can't be with them. This child needs to be cured, not just monitored, wouldn't you agree?
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Would you like to respond? Login or create a new account. You'll need to verify your account before you can respond.Who are you to talk. You know
Who are you to talk. You know nothing and here you are just like that dumb broad acting like your perfect and know everything. And ya it takes a real man to call a child an SOB. Be glad I don't know who you are.
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Would you like to respond? Login or create a new account. You'll need to verify your account before you can respond.He calls a child a little SOB, while defending Candiceanne
Two peas in a pod. Dumb and Dumber...etc.
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Would you like to respond? Login or create a new account. You'll need to verify your account before you can respond.First of all know what your
First of all know what your talking about I cant have no more kids second of all my daughter gets is attention she dont need to from a boy or baby she is not even thinking about a baby shes all about school and sports and we go window shopping and my kids may get welfare but i work almost 40 hours a week and for u to call my son a sob was un called for my sons smart and get it straight your a sob for calling an innocent 7 year old that my son can read a**whole
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Would you like to respond? Login or create a new account. You'll need to verify your account before you can respond.Save it, Candiceanne :(
The child that set fire to his bed is at Brandon, and diagnosed as a pyromanic! And YOUR point was, Candiceanne?
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Would you like to respond? Login or create a new account. You'll need to verify your account before you can respond.Too bad you don't know what
Too bad you don't know what your talking about talking like your perfect. NEWS FLASH YOU AIN'T PERFECT AND NEVER WILL BE NOBODY IS PERFECT AND IF ANYONE SAYS THEY ARE THEY ARE FULL OF CRAP. And how do you know what my niece said or didn't say to her son was you there NO. His mother is trying to get him they help he needs and your making it sound like it's her fault. And saying you can and will control yourself wont work and don't you dare say it will cause your full of it. Just cause you raised 9 kids and 3 of them was unlucky enough to be your real kids don't make you an expert on jack crap. And are you such a retarded dumb broad that you really think my niece was in some way rewarding her son. Really stop talking like you know everything cause you don't know a darn thing about anything.
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Would you like to respond? Login or create a new account. You'll need to verify your account before you can respond.I agree with part of what
I agree with part of what you've said, he certainly needs to be taught how to control himself.
But, boys will play with matches, they are drawn to it. I did from about 7 - 11 and I can tell you "attention" was about the LAST thing I wanted! Boys play with fire because fire is cool. It's neat. If I got caught, I was in big trouble and I didn't like it. But I did it anyway. We over analyze a child's rational for doing something like this. He doesn't want attention, he wants to play with matches!
If he's burning stuff down though, he mustn't be too bright.
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Kudos AwardedAgree (1)
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