A responsibility to maintain professionalism

“It’s people like her who bash the cemetery that put a bad taste in my mouth.”

On Monday, Maple Grove Cemetery caretaker David Ferland said that about Brenda Manchester, whose husband, Walter Manchester, is six years buried in the Mechanic Falls cemetery.

If anyone should have a bad taste in their mouth, it’s Brenda Manchester. Not David Ferland.

Unhappy with recent criticism about the level of care and upkeep at the cemetery, Ferland angrily lashed out at Manchester, using her husband’s grave to send a message.

Ferland’s message, scribbled on a plastic window box and left in the center of Walter Manchester’s unmowed plot over the weekend, read: “So the cemetary only get mowed 3 times a year huh. Guess I will only mow your plot 3 times a year! If you want to lie about a beautiful well improved cemetary youll always have God to answer to. P.S. this is personal. You will not have youre stone pressure washed”

All around the unmowed plot, the grass had been neatly trimmed, framing another message from Ferland: Manchester’s concerns are trivial and her husband’s grave is not worthy of his attention.

As our readers correctly pointed out in commenting on our story Tuesday, Ferland’s message was unprofessional and cowardly. And, might we add, just plain mean.

Brenda Manchester is an elderly widow who recently co-signed a letter to the Sun Journal, also signed by Lena Paradis of East Poland and Daniel Boyd of Poland, outlining their shared frustrations with the administration of graveyard rules enforced by the Maple Grove Cemetery Association.

Their letter included a petition calling for changes from 118 people who signed their names and provided their hometowns and phone numbers, a clear demonstration that Manchester, Paradis and Boyd are not alone in their concerns.

Lucille Hodsdon, identifying herself as assistant treasurer of Maple Grove Cemetery, posted a comment on Tuesday’s story noting that the trustees had not received Manchester’s letter. Hodsdon would like to have it, she noted, so she can “check the 118 signatures to verify that they are all lot owners of Maple Grove Cemetery.”

Fair enough, but does that mean only lot owners have a say in the care and upkeep there? What about friends and family who visit the place but didn’t buy the lot? Or the dead and buried who can’t speak?

Hodsdon suggests that if someone has a problem with the cemetery, “the proper course is to contact the president or a trustee to see if the problem can be corrected.”

Manchester says she did that, and got no response, so she sought the support of others who felt as she did and made a case to the Sun Journal.

For her efforts, Manchester was called a “troublemaker” by cemetery Trustee Noella Hemond.

Is she a troublemaker, or is she just a grieving woman who wants her husband’s grave site cared for?

We get that Ferland is upset at the criticism and he has every right to disagree with Manchester, as he obviously does, but he cannot refuse to care for Walter Manchester’s plot. It’s disrespectful and oddly childish.

Ferland defended his actions, telling the Sun Journal “the cemetery ought to be a peaceful place. I’m not trying to take that away from her.”

Not only did he try, he succeeded in doing so.

Since her husband’s death, Manchester has made daily visits to his graveside. Now, she’s scared to do that, which means Ferland has publicly victimized an elderly woman.

Who’s the troublemaker now?

editorialboard@sunjournal.com

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Comments

Robert OReilly's picture

Well...

Like any other customer; if she doesn't like the groundskeeping service supplied by the cemetary association, she is welcome to take her business elsewhere.

Really, people. It's a lawn. I'm sure the stiff didn't even notice that his plot had not been mowed.

ojhuig's picture

huh?

Take her business elsewhere, like dig him up and move the body? Not hardly.

Robert OReilly's picture

Yes! All customers are

Yes! All customers are encouraged to vote with their feet when they feel that their needs are not being met. I imagine Walter doesn't care where his carcass ends up. He's likely preoccupied down there with other things.

ojhuig's picture

This is not isolated

I have seen this attitude before, from men in our community. Too bad if you're embarrassed. You don't retaliate by doing it 3 times over. Stop being such babies!

CommonSense's picture

In the previous two articles

In the previous two articles on this subject the husband had been deceased twelve (12) years not six (6) years. Either way that is way to long to be going to a graveside on a daily or even weekly basis. The son in the first article said the woman had gone through several sets of snowshoes as she snowshoed into the cemetary on a daily basis in the winter. This is truly extreme behavior. The lady needs to move on and perhaps her grief issues have as much to do with the situation as anything else. The unfortunate woman seems to have way to much time on her hands. Perhaps someone in the family might encourage her to volunteer at a nearby veterans home or something to take up her time in a productive way, honoring her husband's memory instead of wandering around a cemetary morose, angry, and discontent. I suspect much of what she feels toward the cemetary caretakers is transference over the death of her husband. In addition to finding something besides hanging out at the cemetary for her to do, some counseling may well be in order for the lady including antidepressants if she is not already on them.

lurlene's picture

There are two husband's being

There are two husband's being referred and two widows. Brenda's husband has been dead for 6 years. You are not qualified to decide how long or how one mourns the loss of a loved one...

CommonSense's picture

And how would you know

And how would you know whether or not I am or am not qualified "to decide how long or how one morns the loss of a loved one?" I can assure you that any medical or mental health professional can tell you that six years or twelve years after the loss of a loved one is far to long to be visiting the graveside on a daily or even weekly basis. Any medical or mental health professional would tell you that wearing out several sets of snowshoes to reach a loved ones graveside on a daily basis for six or twelve years is demonstrating inappropriate behavior and an indication of significant grief issues. A competent medical or mental health professional would recommend counseling and antidepressents unless there is a contraindication not disclosed in the article which is why I suggested they be considered if she is not already on them. Before you make a dismiss someone's judgement you should ascertain their qualifications rather than dismiss them simply because you do not like them. If you are connected with someone exhibiting behaviors such as the woman in question, I suggest you encourage them to speak to their doctor and a qualified mental health professional. Denial, as we can see in these cases six and twelve years out does not remedy the situation.

veritas's picture
verified

Sorry, She's in De-

lurlene's picture

Your reply supports my

Your reply supports my opinion that you are not qualified to decide how long one mourns. Furthermore you making an assumption that her time spent in the graveyard is negative. This is based on your lack of knowledge to this situation. Mrs. Manchester has been spending quality time doing community service on behalf of the American Legion. A very appropriate activity. Attempting to take the focus off from the reality that the Cemetary has been poorly maintained will not change that reality.

kanek08's picture

The Board of Directors needs to address this situation

I have been reading the articles concerning this matter with great interest, since Brenda Manchester is my aunt. She has gone to great lengths to map out and notate all the verteran's graves in the town to make sure each one of them is remembered on the appropriate holidays, for which the town should be appreciative of. The fact that she, along with two other citizens, sent a letter addressing the issue of the cemetery maintenance is again showing that she cares about the deceased members of the community. Even though the cemetery association states it did not receive the petition with the 118 names, it appears that the Sun Journal did and they are correct when noted in the article that not all signatures need to belong to people who have loved ones buried there. The petition can be signed by anyone who also feels that the cemetery is not well maintained. This was just a general observation until Mr. Ferland made it personal and acted very unprofessional in dealing with the situation. He should have just left it up to the board of directors to address.
And speaking of the board of the association, I have yet to see any indication that they are willing to rectify the situation. They are responsible for the upkeep of this cemetery. They too have acted in an unprofessional manner. The issue should have been addressed and a phone call or letter returned when my aunt first brought it to their attention. (I'm sorry folks, but when you agree to be on a board of directors, you also take on the responsiblies that goes along with the role - it is not your job to go into defensive mode and hide behind mud-slinging). Instead, the situation was ignored and has now escalated to the point where both my aunt and Mr. Ferland have become the "poster children" of this battle while the board sits off in the background. The board of directors needs to call an open meeting and hold a forum with these citizens, not so that it can be a finger-pointing session, but to calmly address the situation and take the steps needed to correct this. One of the trustees said that the Articles of Incorporation don't call for public meetings. Being a non-profit association, you are held accountable to the public and/or the members or residents of the association over which you preside. If your Articles of Incorporation do not state that, then I suggest you re-write them. By the way, just as a general note to the members of the association and public: these Articles of Incorporation can be found on the Secretary of State's website and can be viewed by anyone (there is a $3 fee to download them). These, along with the financials of the association, are open to public inspection because they are a non-profit. I make the suggestion that the board needs to address this issue now before anyone else gets hurt by all of this.

Signed: Kara Kane, Accountant and Paralegal

veritas's picture
verified

Public and Private

Kara Kane writes: "She has gone to great lengths to map out and notate all the verteran's graves in the town to make sure each one of them is remembered on the appropriate holidays, for which the town should be appreciative of."

Did your Aunt clear this with the relatives of each of those veterans to see if this was in keeping with their wishes, or decide on her own that this was in their own best interests??

lurlene's picture

Actually she was doing it as

Actually she was doing it as a project for the American Legion so ALL Veteran's graves can be recognized with a flag when the Legion members place flags on Veteran graves before Memorial Day. So this was not a unilateral decision made on her part. It is a very much appreciated project and she has been recognized by the American Legion Post 150 for her hard work and dedication.

veritas's picture
verified

So she was acting in behalf of the American Legion

and merely didn't take it upon herself.

ONLY_GOD_CAN_JUDGE_ME's picture

Relax

I know David Personally and when I read the original story I thought to myself "David takes great pride in mowing the cemetarys, This woman must be exxagerating". Do I think the note should have been left for the woman? Absolutely Not but in his defense I am sure he did it out of frustration. He is a quiet man that would do anything for anybody. Had she gone about slandering him in a different way...Nobody would know his name. I am sure if she had asked him he would have been more than happy to do what he could to make sure her plot was taken care of to her liking. (with in reason of course) If the cemetary was only mowed 3 times this year (which I find VERY hard to believe is true) then her complaint isnt with David it should be with the people responsible for upkeep on the cemetary. They are the ones that tell David what they want done.....

Publikwerks's picture

First off, get the facts

First off, get the facts straight - The original story did not mention his name, nor did it place the blame at his feet. It was looking more to the board for blame and resolution.

His name only came out once he flipped out.

ONLY_GOD_CAN_JUDGE_ME's picture

Read my first sentence again

I do have the facts.....Because I know him personnally....I knew he took care of the upkeep of the lawns at the cemetary...Maybe you missed the part where I said "I know him personally".....Back off!!

veritas's picture
verified

This is 'Grave Desecration'

This is grave desecration

This is a note in extremely poor taste....

There is a difference.

[This comment has been edited by the administrator]

preaves's picture
staff

I edited this comment to link

I edited this comment to link to the photos rather than display them outright, as the photos are
1) quite large, and
2) the first is quite offensive.

That being said, if you would like to see them, you can follow through the links in the comment to do so.

veritas's picture
verified

Patti - Obviously those describing this incident

as 'Grave Desecration' don't have the foggiest idea of what that really entails. A lot of 'Drama Queens' here.

As a cop, I've worked cases in which vandals have even gone so far as to disinter the deceased to obtain body parts. That's really pushing the limit.

This is a 'Spat' in which two people have over-reacted, and many of the forums "Peanut Gallery" have gone to the torches and pitchforks.

What does State Law have to say about Grave Desecration??

§507. Desecration and defacement
1. A person is guilty of desecration and defacement if he intentionally desecrates any public monument or structure, any place of worship or burial, or any private structure not owned by him.
[ 1975, c. 499, §1 (NEW) .]
2. As used in this section, "desecrate" means marring, defacing, damaging or otherwise physically mistreating, in a way that will outrage the sensibilities of an ordinary person likely to observe or discover the actions.
[ 1975, c. 499, §1 (NEW) .]
3. Desecration is a Class D crime.

Seems writing a nasty note on a plastic planted just doesn't cut it...................... I don't think the D.A.'s gonna prosecute this one.

lurlene's picture

Thank you for posting the

Thank you for posting the law. Desecration is clearly supported. Any good attorney could certainly make a straight faced successful arguement that would support desecration.

Publikwerks's picture

Technically

Placing the planter there counts. Now, is this worth going to trial over, no no no.

But under the law, an argument could be made that he "physically mistreated in a way that will outrage the sensibilities of an ordinary person likely to observe or discover the actions".

I consider myself ordinary, and I'm outraged at this.

veritas's picture
verified

Good reason to ask for a Court rather than Jury trial.

So reason prevails.

veritas's picture
verified

Newspaper was 'Used' and 'User' in Cemetery Kerfuflle.....

And now we have readers alleging 'Grave Desecration' and crying for escorts from Military Service Organizations!!

Jeez. Put the Pitchforks down already!!!

Antedeluvian's picture
verified

Ferland should be ashamed of himself to be sure,

... a gravesite is no place to be leaving nasty notes for visitors no matter what the facts of the situation are. I consider his act to be a form of desecration and if he worked for me he would be removed for his utter lack of respect for those he was hired to care for.

Pirate's picture
verified

Now matter how we slice and

Now matter how we slice and dice it, Ferland was unprofessional, rude, and out of line. He should be required to applogize to Mrs. Manchester.

jeffyd's picture
verified

how many other places does this guy mow?

i want to know cause im not going to have any of my family members subjected to this.

Publikwerks's picture

Where's my torch?

I do feel this is getting out of hand, but I can see the SJ's reasoning for publishing the editorial. They wanted to break down their side of it, to show they aren't picking and choosing facts as the other side accused them of.

Now they need to back the f off. Maybe get both sides talking to fix this. The goal should be to make everyone happy, not give David Ferland a breakdown

joe public's picture

Maybe what should happen is

Maybe what should happen is Mrs Manchester should be escorted to the cemetery each day by someone, If I lived closer I would do it ! Maybe some retired members of the local American Legion could help ! And the idiot mowing ?he should be fired !!

xyz's picture

This is getting out of hand folks...

can't someone intervene and see if this can be worked out, there are much more important issues than this one. It is time to deescalate the situation. Ferland should be ashamed of himself to be sure, but what is wrong with the woman taking some responsibility and pruning her husbands grave. We always do this when going to visit the grave of one of our family members. It seems both sides have dug their heels in and that's it.

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