DEAR ABBY: Can you tell me why men watch porn? My husband watches porn on the computer at all hours of the night. When I found out about it six months ago, he promised he would stop doing it, but I just realized that he still goes online and watches it when I’m asleep at night and early in the morning.
Our sex life has diminished to almost nothing. I considered blocking the site on his computer, but is that a good idea? Please help me. How can I compete with this? — FEELING DISRESPECTED
DEAR FEELING: Men watch porn because they are turned on by the visual. You have a right to a sex life, but meddling with your husband’s computer won’t fix your problem. Because your marital needs are not being met, frame your conversation with him that way. He may be addicted to online porn and unable to stop watching without a professional intervention.
P.S. Please stop comparing yourself with what your husband is viewing on screen, because what he is seeing isn’t real. It’s show business. And it’s about as authentic as ”Guardians of the Galaxy.”
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married 13 years and have two young sons. She’s a free spirit. She likes to independently make a lot of decisions that affect us both. This has led to arguments about what should or should not be decided on together.
We have had years of counseling with multiple professionals. Frankly, I feel she ignores my opinions and concerns if I don’t agree with her position on an issue. She will commit to a compromise, then turn around and do what she wants anyway.
Recently, she brought up having permanent eyebrow makeup done on an international trip she was taking without me. I asked her to wait until she returned so we could discuss it further before she jumped into it. Despite promising not to, she did it anyway, and I think it looks awful.
I’m left feeling my trust in her has been further damaged and I have a reminder of it staring me in the face on a daily basis. How can I trust her in the future? How can I get past looking at her ugly choice every day? — DISGUSTED IN ARIZONA
DEAR DISGUSTED: If ”years of counseling” haven’t worked for the two of you, I think it’s fair to conclude that you and your wife have a troubled marriage. While some might say that it’s your wife’s face and what she puts on it is her business, if a daily reminder of her broken promise to you is a deal-breaker, it may be time to consider whether you can forgive her or if it would be in everyone’s best interests to go your separate ways. In marriage there is supposed to be compromise. If you are staying because of your sons, take into consideration that because your relationship with your wife is dysfunctional, the tension your boys are exposed to on a daily basis is not healthy.
TO MY JEWISH READERS: At sundown tonight, Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year, begins. As we begin this time of solemn introspection, I would like to wish you all ”L’shana tova tikatevu” — may you be inscribed in the Book of Life and have a good year.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.