DEAR ABBY: My husband is gentle, romantic, strong, kind and considerate. He’s the “perfect 10.” The problem is, I think he has an “afternoon delight.”
He’s home every night and tells me every day that he loves me. We have been married many years. We’re young at heart, but not so young in years. I’m not asking for advice, because leaving him is not an option. The signs have been there, and I have proof. Our home life is good.
I just want to understand why this has been going on. Do some men need more than just marriage? — FOR BETTER OR WORSE, TRENTON, N.J.
DEAR BETTER OR WORSE: There is a name for men who need more than just marriage. They are called bachelors. Married men who stray are known as cheaters and adulterers. If your husband has someone on the side, then the surest way to find out why it’s happening is to inform him the jig is up, explain that you have proof, and demand an explanation.
DEAR ABBY: It has been a long time since I’ve told a man I’m interested in him or that I really like him. What advice could you give me to keep me from feeling like an idiot and saying the wrong thing? He’s a special guy and I don’t want to screw this up. — NERVOUS IN READING, PA.
DEAR NERVOUS: Do it gradually. Start out by describing the qualities he has that you find special — his sense of humor, his intellect, his style of dress, his wonderful manners, how kindly he treats others. Another time, tell him how much you enjoy his company, and how comfortable you feel with him because of the things you have in common. Tell him he looks wonderful if he makes the extra effort.
Paying compliments will get your message across. Unless he walks around with his head in a bucket, he’ll understand what you’re trying to convey. Trust me.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently found out that I am pregnant. We are, of course, very excited. We have decided to wait until I have completed my first trimester before telling family and friends.
We are friends with a couple who is having a difficult time getting pregnant, and we want to be sensitive to their feelings. We attend the same church and we plan on announcing our pregnancy in church. Do you think we should inform the couple privately? If so, what should we say? — FRIENDS IN TEXAS
DEAR FRIENDS: The thoughtful thing to do would be to approach the couple shortly before you make the public announcement and tell them that you will be announcing the pregnancy in church — but because you are so close, you thought they should know first.
DEAR ABBY: Three months ago, my boyfriend, “Doug,” gave me a promise ring. I was proud and happy to show it to everyone. But Doug’s parents, siblings and his three children don’t know he has given me the ring.
It feels odd that he’s keeping this milestone of our relationship a secret. He says it’s because he’s a private person and doesn’t tell his family about his personal life. What do you think about this? — SECRETLY PROMISED IN PORTLAND, MAINE
DEAR SECRETLY PROMISED: I think Doug may not yet be ready to settle down. Or, he may have strained relationships with his parents, siblings and three children.
Before this romance goes any further, you need to be very clear on exactly what Doug is “promising” because this scenario doesn’t ring true from where I’m sitting.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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