We introduced this daily page and its related discussion board April 1. You only wish we’d been kidding. At any rate, the next afternoon being Opening Day, I rapidly blogged a boatload of predictions for posterity.
Or perhaps that should read, pulled them out of my posterior. And I quote:
Division Champions: Yankees, Tigers, Angels, Mets, Astros, Dodgers.
(Look, four out of six ain’t bad. Forgive me for affording excessive respect to the slow-pitch softball team playing its home games in the Bronx. And for assuming that Roger Clemens would re-up with his neighborhood National League franchise and get away with a having 45-year-old arm and, um, groin.)
AL Wild Card: Indians. NL Wild Card: Phillies.
(I stand by those picks. Let’s just forget that the first one means I stiffed the Sox.)
AL MVP: Alex Rodriguez. NL MVP: Ryan Howard.
(Those could hold up, too, since it is a frivolous, individual award that doesn’t punish you for going 1-for-23 in October. When your team isn’t eliminated in August, that is.)
AL Rookie of the Year: Daisuke Matsuzaka. NL Rookie of the Year: Josh Hamilton.
(Hamilton, the Devil Rays’ former No. 1 pick, a recovering crack addict and an emerging star with the repulsive Reds, was the better pick. The other choice makes me look like the crack addict.)
AL Cy Young: Roy Halladay. NL Cy Young: Roy Oswalt.
(Hey, why didn’t I just go for the triple crown and pick Roy Hobbs as MVP? Then again, these two are a combined 18-8 for a pair of sub-.500 clubs. My prediction that Bill Belichick would go 9-23 in two years with the Patriots panned out much worse.)
First manager fired: Ozzie Guillen.
(I meant to add “after the All-Star break.”)
Team and date for Roger Clemens’ return: Astros, July 15.
(If what he’s done prior to next Sunday can be classified as “returning,” I’m still holding out hope for the original Lynyrd Skynyrd lineup to reunite.)
Date for Barry Bonds to hit No. 756: July 22.
(By The Price Is Right rules, closest to the actual retail price without going over, I might win that pool.)
NL Fantasy Bust: Barry Zito.
AL Fantasy Bust: Justin Morneau
Most Wins on the Sox Staff: Big Schill, 17
(What scares me is that I think Wakefield will overtake Beckett.)
Last Time I Ever Make Opening Day Predictions: April 2, 2007.