Living together may end long-distance engagement

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DEAR ABBY: My fiance, “Derrick,” and I have been engaged for almost a year. The whole time we’ve been together he has been overseas. While he has many of the characteristics I look for in a man, he isn’t as down-to-earth as I’d like him to be.

He’s now back in the U.S. for good, and we are living together. Derrick’s a great father to his children, a good provider, intelligent, handsome and we have a lot in common. I love his family. But for a few months now I have been rethinking my decision to marry him.

I feel like I can’t be myself around him without him judging me or making facial expressions. I have tried telling him how I feel, but I always end up hurting his feelings or he ends up pointing the finger at me.

He’s the best person I have ever met, but I’m not deeply in love with him. He doesn’t bring out the best in me and I don’t know what to do. How should I handle this situation without breaking our engagement? — MS. ENGAGED IN FLORIDA

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DEAR MS. ENGAGED: You and Derrick might be able to communicate more effectively if you had premarital counseling. However, if it doesn’t resolve your issues, do not marry him, regardless of how handsome he is or what a good provider you think he will be.

To have a successful marriage, you will have to be yourself — and you and Derrick should bring out the best in each other. With help, you may be able to save the relationship. But if counseling doesn’t work, do both of you a favor and become Ms. DIS-engaged.

DEAR ABBY: My parents split up in 1987. They have just started dating again. What is the likelihood of them remarrying? They are in their 70s.

My concern is, what if they break up? I guess I shouldn’t worry and just appreciate the time I have with them as a new couple starting out again. Are these normal concerns? — SWEET, CARING DAUGHTER, SUNNYSIDE, WASH.

DEAR CARING DAUGHTER: Of course your concerns are normal. You love your folks and don’t want either of them to be hurt if the romance goes off the tracks (again). Because you can’t control what happens next, cross your fingers and hope for a happy outcome. Your parents seem to have a strong connection, and they’re old enough to know what they’re doing. Que sera, sera.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have an ongoing disagreement about food. When there is special food in the house, something we both like, he feels free to eat as much of it as he wants and not leave any for me.

His argument is that if it’s around — even if it’s frozen — I would have had “plenty of time to get my share.” I don’t think it should be up to him to tell me how much to eat and when.

It’s particularly upsetting if I have invested hours in preparing a dish only to find that it’s gone when I want my second helping. I feel he is being inconsiderate. Am I wrong? — WHERE’S MY BEEF?

DEAR WHERE’S: I don’t think so. Your husband is behaving like a greedy child. If you’re cooking in large quantities, try this: Prepare only enough for two portions for a while — a LONG while.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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