Look for love, not future paycheck


DEAR ABBY: I agree with your advice to “Looking Twice in Idaho” (May 21), who has concerns about his girlfriend’s lack of a college degree. You suggested premarital counseling.

Not all college degrees are created equal, and a college degree does not automatically insulate one from life’s misfortunes or economic setbacks. This couple should definitely make sure they have compatible financial and personal goals. However, the prospective groom should not assume that a lack of a college diploma will cripple his future wife’s earning potential any more than his possession of one will guarantee it. – LISA IN SAN JOSE, CALIF.

Many readers wrote to say that marriage should be based on love, not love of money. However, opinions regarding who should leave that relationship and why varied. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: It is the girlfriend who should exit the relationship – and the sooner the better!

“Looking” equates success with the future paycheck of a woman he admits is kind and considerate and who loves him. He, not she, will be the problem in any potential marriage. He should value his girlfriend for who she is, not for her earning capacity. His attitude will inevitably destroy any marriage he enters into.

There is nothing wrong with a wife who prefers to manage her home and devote herself to her children and husband. Get a grip, “Looking.” Your immaturity is showing. – TOM IN ALIQUIPPA, PA.

DEAR ABBY: Since when does love require a college degree? This is the silliest excuse I have ever seen for trying to get rid of someone.

I never graduated from high school, having dropped out to pursue “life” as I saw it. I went back five years later and got my GED – for myself. My husband spent seven years in college and received his bachelor’s and master’s in English.

I started working for a furniture store when I was 17 and have been there ever since. My better-educated husband earns less than half of what I do – proof that a piece of paper does not make one a success! Love is blind, and it does not earn a salary. – THE BREADWINNER IN CINCINNATI

DEAR ABBY: I, too, have only a high school education. Twenty years ago, I married a professional. I married him for “love” and thought that was why he married me. Over the years I have realized that in his eyes, love and money are on the same page. I have overheard him talking with his friends, saying, “Well, she only makes enough money for groceries!”

If “Looking” has doubts now, then there is a real problem. He should break up with that girl before she wastes any more time on him. She’s still young enough to find someone who will love her for herself, and not the amount of money she’ll bring in. – GROCERY GIRL IN GLEN ALLEN

DEAR ABBY: If “Looking” wanted a college-educated woman, then why did he date and start living with someone who is not? Was it just a fling? Was he thinking an uneducated woman was fine to use until Miss Right came along?

His girlfriend is the one who should be questioning their relationship and having major concerns about his ability to raise children. With his hang-ups, what values will he pass on to his children? Will he treat her as a second-class person, not an equal and respected partner in their marriage?

I think he is a shallow person, and I hope she has better sense than to marry him. – NANCY IN HOUSTON

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.