Columns & Analysis
A committed marriage is a worthy aspiration
At every juncture of the conversation and debate about protecting same-sex marriage in Maine, we must remind ourselves that we are talking about heart and soul, flesh and blood human beings. We are dealing with people's lives: people who are in love.
We are all wired for relationship, and that includes intimate relationship. When any person finds that special someone, we aspire to marriage. It is a noble and honorable way to live out our lives. It breaks my heart to deny any loving couple the opportunity to experience married life.
As a practicing Catholic contemplating the issues presented by both sides of referendum Question 1, it seems to me that agitated people are oddly warning Mainers about speculative outcomes should gay and lesbian people be allowed to choose marriage.
Mainers need to be reminded that being afraid is not a desirable quality. Commentary that springs from fear should be critiqued for credibility. I experience these fear-based arguments as quite hard-hearted.
I urge Maine people to recognize the harshness of the words coming from people afraid of same-sex marriage.
Let's not treat our gay and lesbian relatives, friends and neighbors as if they are not in the room with us as we debate their lives. No matter how said, those words are a form of rejection. I imagine they penetrate like daggers into the hearts of gay and lesbian people, their families and their friends.
I am particularly perplexed by people insisting they genuinely want gays and lesbians "to be happy," but then deny married happiness as an option for them. The terms are contradictory. It is as if to say, "You are special, but you are not special enough to live out your life in this deeply loving way"; or, "You are special, but you are far too different to aspire to the honor of marriage."
It is a paradoxical statement and must be exposed for what it is: Minimizing human beings who desire to love one another deeply within a marriage.
Using questionable interpretations of legal and educational events from other states and generalizing them to Maine in an effort to scare people is quite troubling to me. This fuels the fire of discrimination. When linked with commentary offered by overtly fearful people among us, the result forms the basis for alarming discrimination.
Demeaning and hate-filled vocabulary in letters to the editor have associated gay and lesbian life with "war," "carnage," "aberration," "deviation" and "abomination" (just to name a few from recent letters). Those are undeniably hate-filled words.
We do not need to protect our children from gays and lesbians seeking the honor of marriage to live out their lives. Rather, we must protect our children from people spreading questionable, fearful and outright hurtful rhetoric about gays and lesbians who live, work and love in our state.
Quite frankly, I believe most Maine citizens are not afraid. I believe most Maine citizens can discern who is speaking from love and who is speaking from rejection and fear. More commentary on the facts can be viewed at www.religiouscoalition.org, a Web site offered to us by informed, educated, prayerful, and open-minded Maine clergy and lay leaders who have recognized that same-sex marriage must be spoken to in truthful and loving terms and without useless anxiety.
Love, monogamy, commitment, integrity and morality are family values offered by the No on 1 campaign. To be around any couple (gay, straight, or lesbian) who advocates for loving, life-long, married commitment, can only enhance my life, my 20-year marriage, and our daughters' lives.
It is a privilege for me and my family to know other couples (gay, straight, or lesbian) who are committed to married life and who raise their children with integrity, love and compassion. I encourage all Mainers to have a tender heart toward gay and lesbian neighbors.
The bottom line is: No on 1 is advocating for committed marriages as a means to express the depth of loving relationships, and that is a beautiful and worthy aspiration for all human beings.
As Mainers, let's take the high road. Blessings come in abundance to those who choose love over fear.
Pamella Starbird Beliveau is a graduate student at Boston College School of Theology and Ministry, a Catholic, lector, and Eucharistic minister at Prince of Peace Parish. She is a spokesperson for Maine Catholics for Marriage Equality. She lives in Lewiston with her husband and their two daughters.
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Pamela I disagree entirely but have no hatred for you
Let me rectify something. I don't want people to take what I said the wrong way, I really would not like to see her go to hell for this. This is why I said we must pray for her. God listens to ALL prayers. I was brought up to believe that blaspheming the church will get you sent straight to hell do not pas go or collect $200. Well, Pamela, I love you as a human, and this is the last thing I want to see happen to you. You should rethink your decisions and opinions, go see father and speak into the ear of god and confess, our God is a loving God, and I can't see him putting her to hell for that. You must realise, Pam, that many gay catholics choose to abstain because that's the church's teachings. I can't have it MY way I have to have it GOD'S way, as the Pope orders, as the first pope was told what is bound here on earth will be bound in heaven as well. I'm not the only gay catholic that believes this. Nothing hurts me worse than seeing catholics practice gay sex, see a catholic woman have an abortion, or seeing a catholic take communion on their hand, as both John PaulII and Benedict are very much against it. Catholics aren't the only ones that go to heaven, hell, or purgatory, whatever church you are in you must follow what they say without questioning it. What you are doing is just like questioning God and telling him he is wrong. For 2000 years now, Gays never uttered a peep about marriage until recently. Marriage, whether you like it or not, is a true sacrament between a man and a woman. So Pam, you have my prayers and I sincerely hope God will have mercy on your soul for blaspheming the church. Seriously, I think you should leave the church if you refuse to change your mind, and go to the Unitarians where you would be so much happier. Why antagonize us devout catholics? You knew the rules well before you wrote the article, but chose to do it anyways. What did you think, Monsignor Caron is just gonna ignore blasphemy, especially by a eucharistic minister? Shame on you for the poor, horrible judgement you made to even write this article. it has no business in the church whatsoever. If these are your beliefs you should have kept them to yourself and when you face God, you'd find out how he feels about it. I sure hope you are not beyond the point of forgiveness. I hope more than just me do the rosary and ask the blessed mother to ask our lord Jesus to forgive you.
Pam Beliveau
I don't blame Father one single bit for taking away her job as eucharistic minister, if she can't follow the church's teachings, she has no business in the catholic church. If I were the bishop, I would ex-communicate her. You do not pick and choose what's god's law. It's HIS law and HIS way and not yours. This woman has blasphemed the church. May God forgive her. Let this be an example for the next one who tries to defy the church. The apostle Peter was the first Pope and Jesus told him what you bind here on earth will be bound in heaven as well. She is not "brave" for doing this, it's just the opposite. She is antagonistic, and really has no right to call herself a catholic. I would not miss her and many other parishoners feel the same. Perhaps she should join the Anglicans or Unitarians who agree with her liberal views. Opinions like hers have NO PLACE in the Roman Catholic Church. I urge others to pray that God will forgive her for blaspheming the church, the scary thing is it says right in the scriptures that blaspheming the church is the only sin that God won't forgive. Nonetheless, she does have my prayers and I hope others who read this Pray for her as well. BTW I am a gay man who abstains because I prefer to follow the teachings of the church, this life is what, 70?80?years? Heaven is forever. So no, Pam, even all gay catholics are appalled with that article you wrote. You know, this is the EXACT reason I NEVER take communion from a eucharistic minister, only from Father himself.
"we must protect our
"we must protect our children from people spreading questionable, fearful and outright hurtful rhetoric about gays and lesbians who live, work and love in our state. "
Is it just me, or did this lady just admit that she agrees with the gay activists - that children should be taught acceptance of the homosexual lifestyle regardless of the desires and beliefs of their parents?
The way this lady describes legal marriage for "committed relationships" is ludicrous. Aside from this column completely begging the question when it comes to the debate on "same - sex" marriage, for a supposedly educated Catholic, she apparantly knows nothing about the Catholic Church's teachings on marriage, sexuality, or the inalienable rights of children to both a mother and a father. None of the Church's teachings on these issues have anything to do with spreading" fear" or "hurtful rhetoric". Anyone who wishes can learn not only what, but why the Catholic Church believes what she does regarding these issues - the Church is only too happy to explain her beliefs - that the state has no authority to change the definition of marriage - and that it is a grave injustice to society, especially to children, and therefore a grave sin for Catholics to support such a position.
Although I am not associated with any campaign, and I don't work for the Church, I am getting a little tired of the no on 1 campaign trotting out all these make believe so called "practicing" Catholics. Anyone who refuses to believe what the Church teaches on Faith or Morals puts themselves out of the Church. Why can't these people at least be honest enough to say "I used to be catholic but I disagree with the Church..."
It's time for this poor lady to practice what she preaches - in more ways than one. She should stop impugning "hate" and "fear" in the name of "tolerance", and she should have the honesty to attend a church that reflects her beliefs.
- Agree Agree (1)
Wow, I don't know where to
Wow, I don't know where to begin. I too am Catholic and want happiness for everyone, but redefining marriage will not make everyone happy. Don't forget that the redefinition of marriage will affect ALL Mainers, not just those that want to have their relationships called marriage. Anyone that supports traditional marriage is not fearful of gay marriage. That is a ridiculous statement. They just do not want a radical redefinition of marriage. Also, this bill is NOT about equality or love, because if that were the case, then the bill would allow ALL people to marry. Why doesn't LD1020 allow polygamists to marry or a bi-sexual to marry both a male and female? They all love each other and this is about treating all people fairly. What about a brother and sister? Or two cousins? If we were truly striving for equality, then any people that love each other should be able to marry, especially by your thought process. Marriage is not just about love or benefits. As a Catholic, you should know better. You are purposefully trying to lead other Catholics away from the faith....Shame on you!!
- Agree Agree (1)
The very first step in
The very first step in defending the sanctity of marriage is to
outlaw divorce. Couples contemplating marriage must be made to understand that
the vows they take before God, their family and friends and the state are not
fungible. Nothing is more destructive to the sanctity of marriage than the ease with
which couples repudiate their solemn vows and dissolve their marriage. Gay marriage
doesn't begin to compete with divorce in threatening the sanctity of marriage. Let's work
on divorce first.
- Disagree Disagree (1)
Pamela, Thank you so much
Pamela,
Thank you so much for the beautiful well written article and so agree with you. I have already voted "NO" on 1 and I urge all who LOVE do the same.
- Disagree Disagree (1)
vote however you want
You can vote however you want on 1, you can vote for pro choice candidates, neither I nor anyone else can stop you, but you will face God for the way you vote on judgement day. I would hate to face God and him ask me who do I think I am to try to change the rules of the church. Just like the death penalty. Can you imagine, being on the jury, deciding to send someone to the chair, and going up to God? I could just imagine how angry he would be that I, as a human, am doing his job for him by putting someone to death. I used to believe in the death penalty very avidly until this thought came into my head one day. I don't want to have to answer to him for doing his job for him, going over his head. Just like Pamela will face him, and he's gonna ask her who does she think she is, the Pope? She has NO AUTHORITY to change the rules of the church. No one forces one to be catholic. Either you follow the catholic doctrine or you find another religion, plain and simple. How would you like it if I came into your house and suddenly started changing all your electric fixtures to the ones that I like and change your whole house around to MY tastes? Never you mind that it would not be my house nor would it be my place to do a thing like this, and this is Just what Pamela did. You may have voted NO but I voted YES and so did the majority of the state. I'm gay myself, I'm catholic, but i do NOT have sex, as it is a mortal sin to have sex that no life can come from. For the reward of heaven, to me it's worth abstaining for a measly 70 or 80 years. There will be a much better life in heaven than there will ever be here on earth. I understand her point, but she has no business to be a eucharistic minister and go directly against the catholic church. She reminds me of that Irish singer, sinead o'connor, ripping up the picture of the pope on Saturday Night Live. What she did is no different. So, you vote however your heart desires, that's what america is all about, but remember, you will be held accountable to god for every vote you cast. May God Bless You and keep you safe and well. Please pray that God will forgive Pamela for this blasphemy, prayers are very powerful. There is no way i'd like to see her go to hell for doing this, however, she should be ex-communicated for this. Please pray for her soul that she may be forgiven.
Thank you for writing this
Thank you for writing this well written piece.
- Disagree Disagree (1)
Thank you for writing this
Thank you for writing this well written piece.
- Disagree Disagree (1)
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