Stirring up a memory

In reading "Beyond the trauma" (Sun Journal, Oct. 25), an uneasy feeling stirred deep inside. Years ago, we just "sucked it up" and lived with it. That seemed right for me at the time. I was the officer on the front page of this paper staring at the body of Angela Palmer, 25 years ago. No other person who responded to that scene was there longer than I. The funny thing is, I hadn't even been to the police academy yet.

I was dispatched with the fire department for "smoke" coming out of the building. We were overwhelmed with smoke upon entry into the apartment (a smell I will never forget), then found three persons praying in the living room. I got them out of the building feeling pretty good that I had saved lives. A woman asked, "Where's the baby?" I re-entered only to witness a fireman finding Angela. I can still see his reaction clearly, 25 years later.

The next day my family had a freshly-baked chicken on the table for Sunday dinner. I began to sweat and shake upon that sight, and excused myself. These were clear signs of the onset of post-traumatic stress disorder that I didn't understand. I was told this would make or break me. I survived, but am often reminded of a day no training can prepare a person for.

I shouldn't have let my career get in the way of treatment and today, nobody should be let back to work without it.

Lt. Thomas Kelly, Lewiston

Maine State Police