DEAR ABBY: My co-workers and I would like your opinion on the following question: Is it appropriate to ask about the salary during a job interview? Half of us say, “Yes. When better to ask what the pay will be?” Others say, “No, it’s in poor taste.” What do you think? — ALL BETS ARE IN
DEAR ALL: Of course the subject of salary should be discussed during a job interview. Usually, when an interview is nearing its end, the interviewer will ask, “Do you have any questions?” If the topics of salary and benefits haven’t come up before then, it’s perfectly acceptable to inquire about them.
DEAR ABBY: My husband of more than 20 years decided that the grass was greener on the other side, and now I find myself on the dating scene again. I had breast reduction surgery, thinking I would be with my husband for the rest of my life. Now I don’t know how to bring up the subject if I find a man with whom I want to be intimate.
I know a man should love me for who I am on the inside, but I can’t help but feel that the scars I carry on the outside will make him turn and walk away. Not a day goes by that I don’t regret having had the surgery, but there is nothing I can do about that now.
When do I tell the guy about my scars? I don’t want this to get in the way of sharing my life with someone. — SCARRED IN ARIZONA
DEAR SCARRED: Many women have had breast reductions — some for aesthetic reasons, but others because nature blessed them with such an overabundance of tissue that it was creating painful back and shoulder problems. The surgery is neither shocking nor particularly unusual.
The time to discuss it is when you have gotten to know someone well enough that you can talk frankly with him and explain that you feel self-conscious. No gentleman who cares about you will ever walk away. And any man who does, you are well rid of before investing your heart — or anything else — in him.
DEAR ABBY: My husband, “Rick,” and I have been married 20 years. He’s a veteran who is completely disabled. We live in a very secluded area. The nearest town is 60 miles away, and I can’t be gone long because of Rick’s needs.
Abby, I’m lonely. My family lives in another state. Rick said years ago that we would move to where my family members are. But now he refuses because he doesn’t want to leave his comfort zone.
Some days I am more down than others. Our home is on the market, but we won’t be going far — just a bit closer to the town where Rick’s family is. When I bring up the subject of missing my relatives, Rick gets angry so I don’t say anything anymore. I long for my family — and for many other things as well. Could you share your feelings on this, please? — NOWHERE IN MONTANA
DEAR NOWHERE: Gladly. Because your husband refuses to move to where your family members are, keep your fingers crossed that it won’t be too long before you find a buyer for your current home. Do move closer to his family. At least then you won’t be so isolated. And once you’re closer to his family, THEY can look out for him while you schedule some visits to your family. If you go a couple of times a year, it could make a big difference in your outlook.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.