Liars! They've been teasing us with this kind of talk for years. So far, we've got 130 Rite-Aids and 212 CVS stores, instead. And that's just on Sabattus Street.

I want a Walgreens because, A. There is no "Mart" in its name. B. It tends to be open 24 hours, catering to vampires like me who crave gummy worms at two in the morning. And, C. Walgreens is the only joint that sells the sleep-aid Alka Seltzer PM, which eight out of 10 insomniacs will tell you is better than heroin. Only Walgreens sells the stuff, so if we don't get one, I'll have to keep buying the stuff on the street.

You hate to see it happen. Bad if you're counting on the chickens for food. Real bad if you're the chicken. Every farm should have a version of Foghorn Leghorn, a hulking loud-mouthed, know-it-all rooster to watch over the hens. It's good business and always good comedy. See the moronic dog run out the length of its leash. Watch the hilarious anvil-to-the-head trap and listen to F.L.'s rambling taunts. "That boy, I say that boy is about as sharp as a sack of wet mice."

Brilliant! Foghorn was one fine Rhode Island Red. It's a real pity he and Miss Prissy never made a go of it. But I'm just thinking aloud now.

Ah, I can't stand the pouty, overrated, high-maintenance, self-loving, prima donna pin-up girl. Madonna's OK, though.

The Den at Chase Hall on the Bates College campus was twice burglarized this week. Nothing taken, but food and drinks were thrown about the place. Police are looking for a portly, unshaven man who was seen fleeing the area in a sheet and with garland wrapped around his head.

Really blows this year. Seriously, it's an embarrassment. Word on the street is that you lost to a team of blind retired nuns, though you did take them to extra innings. What you need is a gold glove at shortstop and a number three hitter who can move some runners. Call me.