If your wife or girlfriend asks you to watch "Big Fish" because it's a poignant examination of the perilous relationship between father and son, take her up on it and score some points. This is a remarkable movie, with bee attacks, baseball, fist fights and circus freaks to keep you interested. It's Tim Burton in a lucid moment and it's got Albert Finney and Jessica Lange. A brilliant movie, both comedic and touching, that will rise right to the top of your list. "Big Fish" is the ultimate date flick. Trust me, boy.

If your wife or girlfriend asks you to watch "The Notebook," run away, get a divorce and change your name. It's a cliché fest that rips off 30 other movies and you will figure out the big twist before you're done your first beer. This movie is like a mouthful of somebody else's sugar. You know a flick is bad if James Garner can't save it. It's awful. Awful! Watch it and parts of you will actually shrink.

I sneezed and missed the whole show. This, after years of people (my wife!) telling me that the best fireworks in the world are in Naples. Other planets are actually knocked out of orbit by the fireworks in Naples, I was told. They last all night.

Lies. The fireworks in Naples are three hours of pushing, shoving and jockeying for position followed by three minutes of pyrotechnics. Sounds like your last date, doesn't it? Yeah.

The man is amazing. When he's not tackling reckless criminals, he's confronting dangerous wildlife. Did you see that thing? This was no ordinary bee. I'm pretty sure this is the multi-eyed, huge-stingered menace that flew up my shorts one blazing hot day in late June while I lay on a hammock. I'm just thankful Dillingham wasn't there to photograph that action.

I had the awesome experience Tuesday of watching a man I estimated at 85 years old trying to pick up a hooker who wasn't a hooker. He rolled up on Park Street in Lewiston in a long dark car wearing the obligatory checkered shirt and ultra-dark sunglasses that covered nearly his entire head. The exchange went like this:

"You sure are attractive, miss. Are you available?"

"Excuse me?"

"I say, are you available?"

"Sir, I don't know who you think I am. But I can assure you I'm not in that line of work."

A long, disappointed pause. And then:

"Are you sure?"