DEAR ABBY: I am a 19-year-old student taking courses at a community college. One of my classes is taught by a great professor who also works at a state college teaching other teachers.
After an evening class with him one night, I returned to the classroom because I forgot something and ended up walking with him back to the parking lot. While putting stuff into my car I saw him get into another student’s car. I waited a while without them realizing I was there and ended up seeing my professor and this student smoking weed and fooling around.
I feel angry and betrayed knowing he would put his career in danger. They are both consenting adults, but I don’t know whether I should report it or not. What do you think? — BETRAYED STUDENT ON THE WEST COAST
DEAR STUDENT: Unless you have ABSOLUTE PROOF that your professor was smoking something other than tobacco, I think you should keep your mouth shut. As you said, he was with another consenting adult. Are you sure your feelings of anger and betrayal aren’t jealousy? Because you asked what I think, I’ll tell you: Mind your own business.
DEAR ABBY: A year ago my husband and I met a nice couple on a cruise. We had so much fun with them we invited them to our home for a visit.
While they were here I showed them the photo album I had made with our cruise pictures. They were in most of them. It has been three months since their visit and we can’t find the album. A few weeks ago, while talking to the wife on the phone I mentioned it. She said we didn’t show the album to them but she wished we had. Abby, we know we did!
Should I mention it again or just make a new one and never invite them back? — MISSING MORE THAN THE PICTURES?
DEAR MISSING: You appear to be seeing the picture clearly now. While the couple may have been charming, they’re not nearly as “nice” as you assumed. If you want a record of your cruise, by all means create a second album. (Surely you don’t need me to advise you to never invite them back.)
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together for 19 years. We have three children and from the outside looking in, you would think we have a wonderful life. But my boyfriend has been unfaithful numerous times, which has caused me to have trust issues and insecurities. I took him back because I wanted our children to be raised in a two-parent home, which is hard to find these days.
The problem is, two years ago I cheated on him. He found out by tracking my phone, bugging the house and monitoring my calls and emails. He “reminds” me of it every day and we argue constantly. I’m sorry it happened, but I still have trust issues because I can’t see what he has been up to. I guess my question is — is this a relationship worth saving? — GOOD FOR THE GANDER — GOOD FOR THE GOOSE
DEAR GOOSE: Let’s review your letter. Nineteen years as a couple, three kids and he’s a serial cheater. You cheated too, and your complaint is that you can’t monitor your boyfriend’s activities the way he is scrutinizing yours?
Although you say you’re staying together for the children, a household filled with anger and suspicion isn’t healthy for them or for you. This is not a relationship worth saving in my book.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.