So many of the couples I coach report feeling like they have drifted from being soul mates to being roommates. To make matters worse, they feel at a loss as to how to reconnect and grow closer again.
One of the simple yet powerful techniques I use is to ask them when were the times they felt the closest and the most connected. What we typically find are times when they were doing things together in which they both had fun.
Each person makes a list of things the would like to do for fun with the other person. After the lists are made, there are two actions that can now be taken:
• Make a third list of the things you both put on your own list. Then, over time, pick out an activity you both would like to do and go do it.
• You can also pick something off of your own list that your partner did not have on their list. Most couples will find that there might be one or two things on the other person’s list that they just do not want to do no matter what. That’s OK, because just like attorneys in jury selection, you each get to strike one or two things from the your partner’s list. As in, “You can do that one by yourself, thank you very much!”
You may have noticed that this is a quick-fix exercise that requires you to take action. You can talk all you want about improving your relationship, but unless and until you take action toward improving your relationship, nothing will happen.
Remember, nothing will change unless you change.
If you would like to read more about these solutions and other immediately useable tips, visit http://couples-connection.com
Jeff Herring, MS, LMFT, is a marriage and family therapist.