Talk of the town: Does anybody really know what time it is?

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The big blow

Well, what do you know. A big corker of a storm blew across the land and I wasn’t there to report on it. On vacation, I was, so when the mighty wind and rain did its thing, I was just like the rest of you civilians, fretting over power outages, complaining about utilities and checking the local news for updates. I liked it. Sensing this, an editor waited until I was officially back on the news beat and assigned – bet you didn’t see this coming – a weather story! About cold temperatures! In November! It hurts to be me sometimes.

I’ll bet you say that to all the boys

While I was away on vacation, a kind man left a voicemail in which he referred to me as “a very nice writer.” I was absurdly touched by this comment. I get the occasional voicemail now and then, but the adjective “nice” isn’t often in there.

Moon over Pine Street

At about 9 p.m. Wednesday, I beheld the fattest, brightest moon I’ve ever seen and it squatted squarely over Pine Street in Lewiston, a glorious juxtaposition of sweet, golden light over the litter-plagued grittiness of the hood. I mean, it was like a Shakespeare sonnet collided with a Charles Bukowski story all up in here. I was moved, yo. I would have stopped to take a picture, but I really like my new set of snow tires . . .

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Moon over My Hammy

At the start of the week, I got a frantic message from a guy who had heard that Denny’s in Auburn was closed down. Can you imagine it? Where’s the bar crowd going to go in the middle of the night? Or my momma, when she’s all trashed on Allen’s Coffee Brandy and craving eggs and corned beef hash?

Just kidding

My momma hasn’t eaten corned beef hash since the incident. (BTW, you can relax. Denny’s is open, but a very nice young lady explained that a balky boiler did cause a shutdown for a couple days.)

The Crosswalk Bluff

And speaking of Pine Street, I’ve noticed an upswing lately in this crosswalk Tomfoolery. You know how it goes. A guy is milling around at the side of the street in the general vicinity of a crosswalk. He’s fiddling with his phone, glaring at passing traffic or just standing there with his thumbs hooked in his pockets and his mouth open. Does he want to cross the street? Not cross? If you come to a full stop, the dude will just stand there doing nothing and the drivers behind you will lay on their horns. Plus, a “lady of the night” might climb into your car. If you don’t stop, the crosswalk dude will jump up and down in a rage and other pedestrians will think you a cad. It’s a real conundrum out there. And this explains completely why that lady was in my car. OK?

It’s Happy Hour somewhere

The time change has been a real killer this season. If you’re one of those layabouts who sleeps until noon, you’re looking at maybe five hours of sunlight, tops. By the time 6 p.m. rolls around, it feels like midnight. Worse still, it’s going to get darker earlier every day for the next month. I think I’ll get one of those big sunlight therapy lamps and then use it to beat myself over the head with such force that I’m unconscious until late April.

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