Behold, the Pink Crusader
On Monday in Sabattus, a police officer was dispatched for a report of a naked man walking in the road. Why was he walking naked? Because it’s awesome this time of year, that’s why. But in this case, the man was said to be upset that roadwork had caused the closure of the roadway, and so to protest, he ran in and out of the road in his altogether. The situation was resolved, apparently, when a neighbor handed the man a pink towel to wear. And like that, a new superhero was born in Sabattus.
A tale of two car wrecks
In Auburn on Wednesday, there was a car crash on Minot Avenue. As far as you know. According to the police scanner, the first person who called it in reported that there were injuries, air bag deployment and fluids leaking everywhere. The second caller reported that there were no injuries, no fluids leaking and no air bag deployment. I think there is only one explanation for this: Somewhere on Minot Avenue, the timeline split, giving us two alternate realities. Somebody probably ought to get public works out there to patch the split or things are going to get really weird on Minot Avenue.
Feeling a little too at ease lately? Are you getting good sleep and generally feeling content with the world around you? Take my advice, friend, and check “Black Mirror” on Netflix. It’s an anthology with mind-blowing episodes that explore the dark side of technology — in a way that will leave you questioning your own moral character. Watch the “White Bear” and “White Christmas” episodes and, if you’re any kind of deep thinker, you’ll spend the rest of your night on Reddit arguing viciously with strangers about what the show writers meant to impart. You meet the nicest people on Reddit.
Wait, what? The Fourth of July is this week? Seems like somebody must have screwed up the math, because by my calculations, it’s only early spring. But if the Fourth really IS upon us, I guess it’s time to play our favorite summertime game “Fireworks or Gunshots?” In most areas, you can play it safe by guessing fireworks every time. The odds will be in your favor. In downtown Lewiston, though? More like a 60/40 thing.
In Fayette, a 40-year-old woman is accused of ramming her pickup truck into her ex-husband’s car and garage, badly damaging the former and destroying the latter. I expect a twanging country song about this event to chart by the end of next week. Meanwhile, in her jail mugshot, the woman is seen smiling contentedly. Beaming, really. If she had one of those dialog balloons floating over her head, it would almost certainly read: “I regret nothing!”