Invest in Facebook
The social networking giant is going public. Sadly, 95 percent of you will not post this on your wall to prove your love of the stock market.
If the above item makes no sense to you . . .
. . . Give yourself a round of applause. You probably have a life.
Googling your unmentionables
Out of this world
For the first time, a NASA spacecraft has detected matter from outside our solar system – space gunk that comes from elsewhere in the galaxy, that is. Somehow, this news is resigned to the back page while SNOOKI MIGHT BE PREGNANT is screamed in giant headlines. Ironic since there’s a good chance that Snooki comes from another part of the galaxy.
If you have no idea who Snooki is
For God’s sake, don’t Google her.
I thought maybe you weren’t getting enough of that JCPenney commercial on television. You’re welcome.
They’re tearing it down and putting up a parking lot. Ah, The Chalet. It looked almost regal from the outside, but on the inside . . . Well, they’re tearing it down. And along with it will go a lot of memories for me. When I first moved here in the mid-’90s, I went there a lot. A lot! I remember this one time, I spent three nights straight there because I really wanted to . . .
But this is none of your business. I’ll thank you to keep your nose out of my affairs.
Fines of up to one trillion dollars
So, Soviet researchers drilled through miles of ice in the antarctic and discovered a lake that has remained in darkness for millions of years. After hearing of this, the Lake Auburn people rushed up (down?) there and put up signs warning that there is absolutely no swimming in, touching or even thinking about the lake in a certain way. Also, no making out in a car next to the ancient lake between the hours of dusk and dawn, you deviant.
Just let me know when this gets annoying.