On the scanner
A woman walked into the police lobby to announce that she has plans to clean up the city. At last! The chosen one!
Freedom’s just another word
Police in Lewiston this week were searching for Bobby Magee, a local man who failed to show up in court. Apparently one day up near Salinas, they let him slip away.
Instrument of violence
Like mayhem? Forget going to the seedy bars or to a hockey game, a youth string concert in Lewiston is where you want to be. On Wednesday night, such a show featured a kid projectile vomiting over his cello and a fight between parents in the parking lot (“You call that a spiccato? I’ll show you a spiccato…” WHAP!) Word on the street is, at the next concert they’ll introduce a mosh pit.
God is his tag team partner
And guess who came to keep the peace when the great string brawl broke out. That’s right: The Rev. Doug Taylor, who appears to be everywhere these days. It’s too bad the Bro doesn’t celebrate Halloween because I see a superhero costume in his future.
Lady Gaga fans are everywhere
On Tuesday night, an employee at Bull Moose music chased a shoplifter out of the store and into the driving rain. While making his get away, the music lover apparently shed his pants and shirt, preferring to bolt through the rain in just his boxer shorts. Makes you wonder where he had stashed the stolen loot, doesn’t it? At the point when it became clear the pursuit was going to involve almost full nudity, the chase was ended. Which just supports my long assertion that nobody, but nobody, wants to wrestle with a wet naked man.
Found: 74-year-old map of Lewiston
What a great way to glimpse our city as it was when it was young and bright with hope. Great big arrows will show the way to “Ye Olde Brothel” and the apothecary where one could buy opium and other elixirs guaranteed to cure stomach pain and baldness. Those were simpler times before The Man came along and made all the fun stuff illegal.
Health care reform passes
Won’t somebody say how they really feel?
Wanted: Sanford and his son
Auburn police to go after trash pickers. This will no doubt upset the powerful trash picking lobby (The NTPA. Lindsay Lohan is its spokeswoman.) You can take their discarded microwave ovens and almost-like-new sofa beds when you pry it from their cold, dead hands. If trash picking is outlawed, only outlaws will get trashed. And so on.
Ice-out at Lake Auburn
Just to be a bastard, I’m going to sneak over some night and put all the ice back.
You know what they say: March showers bring April flowers.
That thing that happened on American Idol
I am outraged and/or pleased, depending on which will draw enthusiastic nods of approval from you Idol geeks.
Catholic Television Network
Is going 3-D. Awesome! Now you can feel guilty about stuff in three dimensions instead of just two. Stop coveting thy neighbor’s ass, sinner. Or that scary nun will climb right into your living room and beat you down.