Where is the Flag man?
Does anybody know what happened to the deaf, older gentleman who used to wander downtown Lewiston displaying a variety of flags on his coat and backpack? He occasionally handed out tiny plastic flags and would express his delight by pointing toward the sky. I miss that old bird. If you know anything about him, please write me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
One of the great things about riding off-road is the opportunity to see the delicate forces of nature at work. For instance, in Lewiston, some great beast dumped an old washing machine down a hill and into a stream in the woods near Tall Pines. Within days, or possibly hours, some other woodland creature came along and scribbled spray-paint graffiti on the battered old machine. In nature, this is what is known as a symbiotic relationship.
Look what happened to Jack
So, I was at the Great Chili and Chowder Taste Contest and I’m lucky to have come out of there alive. Why do people react with such horror and bewilderment when you tell them you don’t like beans? There, I’ve said it. I don’t like beans. Not string beans, not green beans, not baked beans. If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s a bean. This includes lima, jelly and Mexican jumping. Can’t we all just get along?
It’s a dirty business
Nobody should be surprised that it was an ATV rider who prevented the Pepperell Mill in Lewiston from burning to the ground. Off-road riders are super heroes, constantly patrolling the dark and dirty areas most of you civilians never see. You could go out and thank them, but to do so you’d have to wade through a stream, scale a steep hill, crawl under a half-dozen downed tree limbs, squish through a long stretch of mud and hire a Sherpa to lead you through miles of ruts and roots. Don’t do it. Just occasionally pause near the woods and listen to the off-road super hero rallying cry. It is this: WEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
Twin Cities traffic lights to be tweaked
This is good news. Otherwise, someone is going to have to invent more swear words for us to use when we get trapped at a 30-minute red light at 2 in the morning.
No snus is good snus
The geniuses at big tobacco have rolled out a new product: tiny packets of the stuff that can sucked, chewed and swallowed. It’s being billed as the latest, greatest carcinogen, both smoke-free and spit-free. These days, you can inhale your tobacco, chew it or snort it. It makes you wonder: Can tobacco suppositories be far behind?
It’s great to see these foes still playing each other with the kind of spirit this epic rivalry deserves. It’s sad, however, to see that the fans haven’t come up with anything new by the way of trash talk over the long winter. Red Sox fans still cling to “Yankees suck!” and New York fans are still working with “Our baseball acumen is far superior to yours.” They really are smug bastards.