The choice is clear
Take a Taser to the groin
Chew a wad of tinfoil
Drink a cup of spit
Write a weather story
Write a cat-up-tree story
Dine on a salad of belly button lint
Sit through “The Notebook” again
Sit through “Pearl Harbor” again
Naked Macarena in a cutlery store
Lewiston canal skinny dip
Spoon with surly sportswriter Randy Whitehouse
Prostate exam from Dr. Shrek (Shrektal exam?)
Talk about our feelings
These are things I’d rather do than watch one minute of that show with Sarah Palin and Kate Gosselin. They go together like fingernails and a chalkboard. Like a fork and a toaster. Like a knee and a groin.
Time for another list.
Jingle all the way
A semi-lucid reader wrote to suggest a correlation between the media obsession with Brett Favre and the local obsession with the Vista Drive Christmas display. As far as I know, the Vista Drive display hasn’t sent out lurid pictures of its naked bulbs. As far as I know.
Had to watch the season finale for a news assignment because apparently, I’m being punished for something (hard to imagine, isn’t it?). The worst happened. I loved the show. I found it gripping and tense, like sudden death overtime in a restaurant rather than a rink. What can I say? I’m as shocked as you are.
Lawyer on lawyer action
Embezzlement, affairs, porn surfing and bleeding ulcers. Our heroic court reporter has turned into John Grisham for the week to cover the sweaty action in 8th District Court. A six-figure theft, sexually explicit e-mails and ethical violations all over the place. The only thing left to the imagination is the question of which character will be played by Matthew McConaughey.
Pawn show in Auburn
Boy, did I misunderstand that assignment. Linda Lovelace wasn’t even there.
Brothers in frostbite
I’m told there is a fellow who rides a motorized bicycle from Auburn to Mechanic Falls each morning just to get to work. He rides in snow storms, he rides in single-digit weather. If anyone is familiar with the fellow, let me know. I’d like to shake the bright red block of ice that is his hand.
A sucker born every minute
From Facebook: “I have decided to be the Assistant Crime Reporter for Mark LaFlamme. I will dress in a brown trench coat and brown 1930s-style floppy brim Stetson. Always there will be lit cigarette hanging from the corner of my mouth. And so that I don’t confuse the public, I will be known as Lark MaFlamme. “
I wouldn’t take that job if you paid me.