What do black cats, pigeons and editors have in common?

0

Sometimes they come back

Out behind the Motel 6 early Wednesday night, I came upon a dead black cat next to a dumpster. Wanting to spare the poor creature from scavengers, I hopped off my bike to scoop up the poor kitty – at which point, the poor kitty lifted its head, hissed at me, and promptly went back to sleep. It was all very Pet Sematary and I might have screamed a little.

Don’t ask, don’t tell

Bet you’d like to know what I was doing at the Motel 6 on a Wednesday night, wouldn’t you? Mind your beeswax, yo.

Advertisement

It’s bigger than all of us

A woman called to report that the pigeons seem to have disappeared from the streets of Lewiston, Auburn and Portland. Frankly, I suspect old men in parks may have something to do with this. So, I rode into downtown Lewiston to investigate this claim and almost immediately came across a pigeon strutting all cool-like across Walnut Street. The bird gave me total attitude when I tried to ride around it, too. It just glared at me as if daring me to make something of this pigeon caper. The following afternoon, I found an ugly, wet white splotch on my motorcycle seat. Clearly a message from the pigeon underworld. I believe I’ll be dropping this matter.

Snakes in a car

A guy in Auburn called police after discovering a garter snake in his car, insisting that he’d rather set his ride on fire than contend with the serpentine hitchhiker. I really want to make fun of this dude, but as one who is known to screech uncontrollably at the appearance of a hornet, bee or editor, I’ll just keep my sanctimony to myself.

Gah!

I just gave myself the crawlies imagining the horror of finding an editor in my car. I spray for those things, but they keep coming back.

Meat-eating plants from hell

So, I’ve been asked to write a story about carnivorous plants. As I recall, I had a Venus’ flytrap when I was a kid. Lost a lot of good cats that way. And now that I think of it, didn’t I have a little brother at one point? But other than the entire destruction of my childhood, I don’t know very much about these plants. If you happen to have one – or two, or 12 – why not write me at mlaflamme@sunjournal.com and tell me all about it? If your plant demands a sacrifice, the editor who assigned this story seems like a natural choice, am I right?

It happened on Pine Street

These are lean times for Talk of the Town. Downtown Lewiston in particular has been weirdly sedate lately. The strangest thing I’ve seen on Pine Street recently was a guy using a crosswalk. I swear I’m not making this up. There was actually a guy using a crosswalk to get to the other side of the street. Just bizarre.

Advertisement
SHARE