DEAR ABBY: I have recently begun using Internet dating sites to meet guys in my community.
With my busy work and home schedules, I have found this to be a good alternative. The problem I’m having is that some of these sites allow matches to ask if you are emotionally and mentally healthy.
In my case, I have suffered from depression in the past. I have been hospitalized for this issue and have received medication.
At this point in my life, I manage my depression with non-drug-related therapies. I no longer need a counselor or a therapist, and have in place strategies for when I feel I’m cycling downward.
How should I respond to gentlemen who are looking for an “emotionally healthy” match? I consider myself “recovering” and do not take my mental health for granted. Your advice would be much appreciated. – NOT SO BLUE IN EVERETT, WASH.
DEAR NOT SO BLUE: The men asking about an “emotionally healthy match” should be told that very few people today come without some sort of emotional baggage – them included. And, unlike some people who are carrying steamer trunks of baggage on their backs, yours is manageable.
If a man gives you any argument on that, remind him that someone who has recognized he or she had a problem – and dealt with it – is healthier than a person who has a problem, is afraid to own up to it and lets it fester.
DEAR ABBY: I am having a conflict with my granddaughter. My mother passed away a year ago. Years ago, she had become engaged to a guy in the Army who gave her an engagement ring. Mother married my father while her fiance was away on active duty.
My granddaughter now says Mother told her she could have the ring. Abby, my mother said nothing to me about any such promise. My granddaughter has not spoken to me since the funeral.
At this point, if I give her the ring I feel I would be buying her affection. What do you think? – IN A BIND IN TEXAS
DEAR IN A BIND: You and your granddaughter are overdue for a frank chat. If your mother truly intended for her to have the ring, she should have put it in writing.
What your granddaughter appears to be attempting is emotional blackmail. Giving her the ring will not guarantee her affection or her presence in your life.
If I were you, I’d sell the ring. It appears to bring bad luck to everyone connected with it.
DEAR ABBY: On Memorial Day, I attended the funeral of a respected member of our community.
During the motorcade from the mortuary to the cemetery, I noticed a man who had been working in his garden. When he saw the hearse and the motorcade, he stood, bowed his head and held his cap over his heart.
I’m sure the man did not know the deceased, but his respectful act of honoring the person who had passed was noticed by many and was deeply appreciated.
We could learn a lesson from this kind individual. A thoughtful gesture that takes but a few moments can mean a great deal to people who have suffered such a loss. – CHARLES IN MINNEAPOLIS
DEAR CHARLES: I agree. Years ago, the gesture of respect you described was quite common. However, in the last decade or so, it seems to have been forgotten.
I’m for reviving it. Even if the deceased is not known to us, taking a moment to dwell on the fact that none of us lives forever can spur us to better spend the time we are given.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.