DEAR ABBY: I am 26 and have been dating “Mike” for four years. We met in our senior year of college and recently became engaged. I’m looking forward to being married and starting a family, but there’s one “small” problem. I’m in love with Mike’s identical twin brother, “Matt.”
Mike and Matt are identical in appearance, but Matt is funnier, more outgoing and affectionate than my fiance. I didn’t know he existed until a year ago because they had a falling out at their high school graduation and didn’t reconcile until recently.
When I met Matt, I knew right away he was the one for me, but I continued dating Mike because I didn’t want to ruin his re-established relationship with his brother. Matt reciprocates my feelings. He has told me he’s in love with me and wants to date me.
I know I shouldn’t have accepted Mike’s proposal, but I don’t want to hurt him or start another fight between him and his twin, but I also don’t want to be married to the wrong man for the rest of my life. I’m unsure what to do. The wedding date has been set. Help! — IN LOVE WITH THE DOUBLE
DEAR IN LOVE: You should have put the brakes on the relationship with Mike the minute you realized you were attracted to Matt. The engagement should be ended immediately. That you would not only continue to date Mike but also accept his proposal of marriage knowing you were more attracted to his twin was cruel.
If Matt starts seeing you after the breakup, it will probably cause a permanent rift between them. It will be interesting to see what happens when you become available because with some people the “apple” that’s just out of reach is the one that’s most enticing — and you may wind up married to neither brother.
DEAR ABBY: My 4-year-old son made a snowman in our front yard and then went inside to take a nap. Our neighbor came over with his son — age 16 — to talk to my husband.
When I brought my 3-year-old daughter outside to see the snowman her brother made, I was horrified to see it was now “anatomically correct”! I asked my husband who did it, and he said it was the neighbor’s son. My husband thought it was funny and that I was overreacting.
I think the behavior was inappropriate, and the fact that my daughter saw it and wondered what was “hanging on the snowman” was no laughing matter. If the neighbor wanted to make an X-rated snowman, he should have made it in his own front yard. Do you think I’m being too sensitive? — FAILS TO SEE THE HUMOR
DEAR FAILS TO SEE THE HUMOR: Yes, I do. While I agree the neighbor boy’s “artistic endeavor” was in poor taste, it provided an opportunity to answer your daughter’s question in a matter-of-fact way and explain there are anatomical differences between boys and girls. You could also have explained that private parts are not supposed to be displayed in public, and asked your husband to remove them as you took your little girl back into the house. Seeing the snowman would not traumatize your daughter as much as seeing you shocked and upset.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.