DEAR ABBY: I am 34 and have three children. My husband, “Gene,” and I have been married for 10 years. He is greedy, selfish, inconsiderate and rude. I don’t know why I married him, nor why our marriage has lasted this long.

Gene put off getting me a birthday gift for as long as he could; then he bought me a bowling ball. It was the last straw. Not only do I not bowl – he had the holes drilled for his fingers and his name was on it.

The next day I went to the bowling alley determined to keep the ball and learn to bowl. It was there that I met “Franco.” Franco is kind, considerate and loving – the polar opposite of Gene.

Franco and I began bowling together, and he bought me a glove in my size with my name on it. Shortly thereafter, our affair began. (I didn’t mention that I was married.)

When Gene saw the bowling glove on our dresser, he became depressed because he realized that I’d met someone. I feel sorry for Gene, but the last time I saw Franco, he proposed.

I no longer love Gene. I want to divorce him and marry Franco. At the same time, I’m worried that Gene won’t be able to move on with his life. I also think our kids would be devastated. What should I do? – STUCK IN A LOVE TRIANGLE

You are not “stuck” in a love triangle. You deliberately put yourself into one by not being honest with Franco. Before you get in any deeper, put your house in order and tell your husband why you strayed. He may not realize how selfish, greedy, inconsiderate and rude you think he is. To save the marriage, he might be willing to change back to the man who bowled you over in the first place.

Next, apologize to Franco for not informing him of the fact that you are already married. He has a right to know the score – and after that, que sera sera.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, “Jeff,” is 35 and I’m 41. We’ve been married 10 years.

Jeff is an excellent provider. He spends quality time with the children and will do anything I ask.

I have only one problem. Every gift occasion – anniversary, Christmas, Valentine’s Day or birthday – Jeff buys me an outfit I consider trashy. His most recent gift was a black leather miniskirt and bustier, black mesh stockings and thigh-high boots. When I asked Jeff where he expected me to wear that stuff, he said, “On a date with me — or in our bedroom.”

Is it healthy for Jeff to have those fantasies? – NOT A SLUT IN MISSISSIPPI

Oui, oui, Madame – as long as the fantasies include you!

WORTH REMEMBERING: “To speak ill of others is a dishonest way of praising ourselves.” – Will and Ariel Durant

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

To receive a collection of Abby’s most memorable – and most frequently requested – poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby – Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447.

Only subscribers are eligible to post comments. Please subscribe or to participate in the conversation. Here’s why.

Use the form below to reset your password. When you've submitted your account email, we will send an email with a reset code.