DEAR ABBY: I am a 60-year-old woman. My children are grown and I have four grandchildren. I also have a godchild named “Noah,” whom I adore.

Noah’s mother, “Fay,” didn’t want him when he was born, but was talked out of giving him up by her mother and me. Her mother has since passed away.

Abby, I thought Fay would get over it, but she still doesn’t want Noah. She blames him for taking her freedom away. The child is only 5 and adores his mother. No matter what she does, Noah loves her.

Fay is abusive. She yells and screams at Noah, calls him stupid and other names, keeps him in his room most of the time, and palms him off on anyone who will take him for a weekend.

This is not a happy little boy. He has so much anger in him at such an early age. Fay was abused by her mother like she’s doing to her son. I have tried to get her help, but she says there’s nothing wrong with her. How can I make Fay see that she’s turning Noah into a monster? The father took off as soon as he found out Fay was pregnant. He has never seen his son. Please advise me. – OUT OF MY MIND IN TEXAS

DEAR OUT OF MY MIND: Since you are Noah’s godmother and there is nobody else, it is now your turn to step up to the plate. You are responsible for the fact that this unfit mother didn’t place her unwanted child for adoption at birth. You are only 60 – you’re not over the hill. Why don’t YOU take Noah in and give him the love and support he needs – and possibly psychological counseling to undo the damage that has been done?

I think you already know what needs to be done. If you are unwilling or unable to do it, then pick up the phone and report Noah’s mother to child protective services.

DEAR ABBY: I recently learned that my twin sister, “Leslie,” is pregnant. When I heard the news, I told her I wanted to throw her a baby shower. I have two little ones of my own, and my twin hosted my baby shower when I was pregnant with my first. Leslie was excited and gave me a thumbs up.

Today I was told that an aunt on her husband’s side wants to give her a shower, and it sounds as if that’s the way it’s going to be. This aunt has always been bossy and pushy, and Leslie and her husband are afraid to refuse. I don’t expect my twin to offend the other side of the family, but what about me? Am I being petty? My feelings are hurt. -REJECTED TWIN

DEAR TWIN: Please stop feeling hurt. Rather than being bossy or pushy, the aunt may instead be a stickler for proper etiquette. According to “Emily Post’s Etiquette” (16th Edition): “Mothers and sisters of the mother-to-be should not give a shower, although sisters-in-law, close friends, aunts or cousins may. Naturally, mothers and sisters should be invited, but, as with any other gift- giving event, they should not initiate an invitation that bears an obligation on the part of the recipient to provide a present to a direct relative.”

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order “How to Have a Lovely Wedding.” Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447.


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