DEAR ABBY: My son, “Will,” is married with three beautiful children. One evening a few weeks ago, I baby-sat my grandchildren at their house. A strange car kept stopping in front of the house, and when I went to the window, it would drive off.

Will and his wife, “Eve,” both work. He returned before she did, and I left. However, I was suspicious, so I drove up the street and parked in a dark area. A few minutes later, the car pulled up again, and my son ran out of the house and got into the car. I drove slowly by the car and saw my son and a strange woman talking.

Should I tell Eve what I saw? A few people have told me to butt out. I strongly suspect that he is having an affair with this woman. What should I do? – WORRIED MOM IN MISSOURI

DEAR WORRIED MOM: Talk to your son. Give him a chance to explain. Warn him about how much he has to lose if he is involved with another woman or doing something illegal. But do NOT carry tales to your daughter-in-law without first talking to your son – if then.

DEAR ABBY: About four years ago, a woman I know, “Cathy,” gave me a beautiful matching ring and bracelet. She told me at the time that she couldn’t wear them because they were too small. Cathy said she knew I loved jewelry and wanted me to have the set because she didn’t know anyone else who would enjoy it as much as I would. I accepted the items and wear them frequently. I love them.

Cathy has since had gastric bypass surgery and lost nearly 150 pounds. She recently came into the office where I work and told me that since she has lost so much weight, she wants the jewelry back as she can now wear it.

Should I return the ring and bracelet? – UNDECIDED IN ALABAMA

DEAR UNDECIDED: Once a gift is given, it belongs to the recipient to do with as she (or he) wishes. The question you must ask yourself is, which is worth more to you — the friendship or the jewelry? Only you can answer that.

DEAR ABBY: Referring to the woman who is receiving checks from her elderly Aunt Millie, I would suggest that she contact Millie’s children or someone who is involved in her day-to-day life before cashing them. Aunt Millie may not remember that she has already sent a check, or she may be arbitrarily sending checks to numerous people and charities.

Someone closer may be able to tell the writer to relax, enjoy the money and just thank Aunt Millie, or appreciate being alerted to monitor her checkbook and keep an eye out for other problems that may need to be addressed.

Gift-giving is often a way of staying in touch or seeking more contact. The niece and her children might write, call or visit Aunt Millie more often and give her the gift of their time. – SYBLE SOLOMON, GERONTOLOGY DEPARTMENT, UNIVERSITY OF NORTH CAROLINA AT GREENSBORO

DEAR SYBLE: Thank you for pointing out that what I considered to be generosity might instead be a sign of dementia in Aunt Millie. If you are correct, contacting someone close to her could avert a big mess.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in “What Every Teen Should Know.” To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447.

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