DEAR ABBY: I am 37, never married, and have never even dated much. I am quiet, shy, overweight and plain.

I have been seeing a man who is 42 years old, and who has also never been married. He has proposed, but I haven’t given him an answer because I don’t think I really love him. He is very good to me and treats me like a queen, but there is absolutely no spark. (There’s also no sex. He’s impotent and has no plans to do anything about it.)

My question is: Do I marry him and “settle,” just to be married, or do I live the rest of my life alone? Is it better to take this chance and marry my best friend, or should I wait for a Prince Charming who might never arrive?

Please answer this question in the newspaper. I don’t want anyone to know I’m such an indecisive fool. – WAVERING IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR WAVERING: There’s no one-size-fits-all answer to your question. Some women have married “Prince Charming” only to have him turn into an abusive frog. Other women have married their “best friend” and lived happily ever after.

That you’re not attracted to this man and he’s unable to perform could be either good or bad, depending upon how important sex is to you. However, if you’re considering marriage to him only because you’re afraid you’ll never attract anyone else, I urge you to go on a diet, get into an exercise program, and consult the best cosmetician you can afford about a makeover. Beauty may be only skin deep, but the way you package yourself can affect the way you feel about yourself. And once you improve your self-esteem, your luck with men could change for the better.



DEAR ABBY: I am a 15-year-old male. I have been to many schools and had the same problem at every one. My girlfriends want to have sex. I have given in a couple of times, but I won’t do it again until I’m older and more responsible.

I felt guilty because I didn’t use protection and I was worried about my girlfriends getting pregnant. My question is, what should I say to my partner when she asks to have sex? – SWEARING OFF IN TAMPA

DEAR SWEARING OFF: You appear to be an intelligent young man with a good head on your shoulders. Tell these girls exactly what you have told me. Say that you prefer to wait until you are older to have sex because you’re not ready to accept the responsibility if an unwanted pregnancy should result. Under no circumstances should you allow yourself to be pressured into having sex, because your reasons are 100 percent right.



DEAR ABBY: My daughter and her husband borrowed a considerable sum of money from me, with the promise they would repay it in monthly installments. Not long afterward, they filed for bankruptcy and my loan was legally forgiven.

I feel they have a moral obligation to repay me, but my daughter tells me they have no intention of doing so. I am trying to forgive, but I find it difficult to be around them. At 73, I’m still working to pay off the loan I took out for them. How can I put this aside and have a normal family relationship? – CHEATED IN SPRINGFIELD

DEAR CHEATED: I’m not sure that you should. What your daughter and her husband did was despicable, and you’re right to have all of the feelings you do about it.

For the foreseeable future, keep your guard up and your purse closed when you’re around them. They have proven that they won’t hesitate to use and abuse your generosity and love.



Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order “How to Have a Lovely Wedding.” Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)