DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together nearly five years. We have two beautiful children.

Over the weekend, I had a friend over. We had a few drinks, and my husband asked if I wanted to try “something new.” I thought he meant between us, but when I said yes, he went to my friend and asked her to join us! We had never discussed having a third person join us in our “private time.” I would never be with anyone besides my husband.

Why would he ask her without consulting me? I am really hurt and offended because now I think he is interested in her, and I’m not enough for him. He did apologize. He said he thought that’s what I wanted.

I no longer know how to act around him because he made me feel so worthless. Should I forgive him? – HELEN IN HOLLYWOOD

DEAR HELEN: I don’t know how many drinks your husband had, but it appears he had at least one too many and acted on an impulse to live out a sexual fantasy. Should you forgive him? Yes, but not until you have hashed this whole episode out in the sober light of day – and are fully assured that he’s faithful and intends to remain that way.

DEAR ABBY: A new family moved into our neighborhood a couple of weeks ago. They have this little tube tacked next to their front door they call a “me-zoo-zah.” I’m embarrassed to ask them what it’s for. Have you ever heard of one, and can you answer my question? – CURIOUS IN IRVINE, CALIF.

DEAR CURIOUS: The little tube is a MEZUZAH, and it’s hung on the doorposts of the homes of observant Jewish people. The cylinder contains a parchment scroll inscribed with verses from the Old Testament written in Hebrew, which remind the dwellers every time they leave or enter to be faithful to the Commandments and to Jewish values. (One wit has suggested that the tubes are actually electrically charged to “zap” any anti-Semite who tries to enter!)

DEAR ABBY: I have read your column ever since I immigrated to the United States from Asia in 1990. It has been a very useful tool for me in learning about your culture.

Now I need your help. I am going back to work soon, and it is hard on the kids. They do not want to go to day care after school – they are 10 and 5 – but they cannot stay home alone. They still need supervision.

The reason I am going back to work is because we need the money. My husband was laid off after 30 years working at one company. However, he cannot take early retirement because he is still too young.

Should I mention to the kids that we are heading for financial trouble, so that’s why they have to go to day care? Please reply ASAP. My husband has found a job, but we need the extra income. – FAITHFUL READER IN TEXAS

DEAR READER: Tell your children that you love them and are doing what you feel is best for them. However, telling them your family is “headed for financial trouble” might be a burden that is too heavy to place on them. It’s enough to say that you have taken the job temporarily because the family “needs the money right now.” They will be able to understand that without becoming frightened or insecure.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: Are you feeling down today because you don’t have a special Valentine? The surest cure for the blues is to do something for someone else. So how about logging on to and sending a Valentine message to our troops stationed away from home today? I guarantee it’ll give you a lift, and give a boost to the spirits of our servicemen and women who could use one.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

Only subscribers are eligible to post comments. Please subscribe or to participate in the conversation. Here’s why.

Use the form below to reset your password. When you've submitted your account email, we will send an email with a reset code.