ORLANDO, Fla. – At long last, just before the final game of the regular season against his biggest rival, Florida State Coach Bobby Bowden has figured out what the problem is.

It took him six years, 25 losses and countless hours of research to identify the culprit.

No, it’s not his son Jeff’s play-calling.

No, it’s not that the game has passed him by.

It’s something far more complex.

Bobby has found the enemy.

And the enemy is eBay.

True story: When Bobby met with reporters this week and talked about why things haven’t worked out with his son Jeff as offensive coordinator, he actually blamed the reporters and their Internet habits. “Because you all ignited it,” he said of Jeff’s resignation. “You listen to eBay and e-mail and all that junk, and you all kept writing about it, and that fans it and makes it grow and grow, and it becomes a cancer. That’s why.”

If ever there was a quote that shows ol’ Bobby has lost touch with the modern world, this is it. Do you think we should tell Bobby that you don’t, um, listen to eBay? And maybe we also should tell him that there’s FM radio now and talking movies.

We’re kidding, of course. We realize Bobby probably just was making fun of himself for being technologically challenged. We realize Bobby is from another generation and probably doesn’t know the difference between eBay and iPod. But that’s not the point. The point is that Bobby’s quote continues a troubling trend whereby a head football coach refuses to take responsibility for the dilapidated state of his program.

Just a couple of weeks ago, when boosters, fans and media were questioning Florida State’s putrid offense, Bobby said the criticism of leadership was indicative of today’s “Americans.”

As long as Bobby is spewing sociopolitical commentary, allow me to defend our inalienable right to denounce bad football. As Americans, yes, we tend to hold our presidents and coaches responsible when they put us in unwinnable, untenable situations. And we’re proud of it.

So Bobby has blamed Americans, and he has blamed eBay. Isn’t it only a matter of time before he blames North Korea, cell phones, gay marriage, myspace.com, Michael Richards, terrorists, the Expressway Authority, O.J. Simpson, FEMA, global warming, Mike Thomas, Haliburton, instant messaging, Terrell Owens and blogging?

Seriously, Bobby has blamed the media. He has blamed the fans. He has blamed the quarterbacks. He has blamed the injuries. He’s blamed everybody but himself and his staff.

And why blame the media and fans? For the most part, I’d say we’ve all been pretty reverential and deferential to Bobby during this six-year drought. Any other major-college coach in this state who’d been through six years of mediocrity would have been fired by now. Ron Zook was fired for less; Larry Coker will be, too.

But most fans have given Bobby the benefit of the doubt, and no right-thinking newspaper columnist in this state has called for Bobby’s dismissal. We all realize Bobby Bowden is arguably the greatest college coach in history and deserves the patience and leniency reserved only for legends.

But just because Bobby took a down-and-out program to the mountaintop doesn’t mean he should be allowed to throw it over the cliff without some public discussion. And it doesn’t mean he gets carte blanche to hire his children without fans and media monitoring their job performance.

If Bobby wants to keep deflecting culpability, maybe he needs to learn a little more about the Internet.

Because, at this point, eBay is the only place he might be able to sell his bagful of blame.