Last week, waiting at a red light on Main Street in Lewiston, Bag Lady idled next to a rusty white Pontiac Grand Prix whose owner was clearly of two minds about accessorizing.

The front passenger tire, black, bleak, had no hubcap. The rear tire: a flashy, silver spinner ‘cap.

So mixed message. So Britney Spears, I’m-stylish-and-classy-but-I’m-going-to-show-you-my-Brazilian-wax anyway.

The light turned green before I could share all that.

So, instead, in a nod to the white Grand Prix driver, and Presidents’ Day car sales, Bag Lady cruised Center Street this week.

Forget fuzzy dice. There’s a world of little auto touches out there.

• License plate frames, Pep Boys, $9.99-$39.99

Too many license plates go flagrantly unframed. (Bag Lady’s included. She’s been inspired to rectify this.) They had everything from stamped dog paws to dolphins to tie-dye to flames.

Not a fan, however, of one that looked like it’d been racked with bullet holes or one with two clothes-free ladies. I don’t know, kind of showy.

• Stiletto-shaped air freshener by Steppin’ Out, VIP, $2.99

Think Barbie’s shoe, only four times larger. In Tango Nights scent, mmm.

VIP gets props for a large air freshener selection. Flamingos, fish, trees, leis, you name it. Scent city.

• Palm pump soap applicator by Carrand, NAPA, $4.29

Irresistible. Looks just like a large, fluffy blush brush; it’s got a little hollow spot in the handle to dispense car wash soap. Nothing short of Matt Damon washing my car naked would actually make car washing fun, but this’ll help. A little.

• Orange County Chopper accessories (key chains, car mats, the works), NAPA, $3.49-$28.99

This episode: Senior yells! Pauly hits something! Mikey skates by! So what if the Teutuls are as predictable as February snow.

The boys still got it going on. You can too.

Best find: Skull shifter knob by Radical Accessories, Pep Boys, $9.99

Solid die-cast metal with red bejeweled eyes, plus there’s lock knob covers and valve caps to match. Were Bag Lady to make a new female friend and discover she had a silver, skull-shaped shifter in her otherwise staid, beige Saab, wow, whole new level of intrigue and respect.

Think twice: Decals that show anything whizzing on anything else.

Firemen on fire. My NASCAR driver on your NASCAR driver. Ford man on a Chevy logo.

C’mon people.

Let’s just pee done with it.


Only subscribers are eligible to post comments. Please subscribe or to participate in the conversation. Here’s why.

Use the form below to reset your password. When you've submitted your account email, we will send an email with a reset code.