NEEDS A VACATION

Red Sox teammates practically wet themselves over Jonathan Papelbon’s five outs for a save Sunday night against the Rangers. Am I the only one who remembers Goose Gossage and Bruce Sutter entering games in the seventh inning? They lived. And my car didn’t have 16 air bags in it back then, either.

MEMORY LANE

Sidney Crosby and Joe Thornton finished one-two in the NHL scoring race. Maineiacs fans proudly say they watched Crosby when. Bruins fans reluctantly toast Thornton and wax wistful about what it was like when their city had pro sports in the winter.

RUNNIN’ ON EMPTY

The NFL has received a letter from Ricky Williams requesting reinstatement after a one-year suspension due to his fondness for marijuana. He probably shouldn’t give up that night job teaching yoga yet.

YO MOMMA …

Floyd Mayweather called upcoming opponent Oscar De La Hoya a “brat.” At its rebuttal press conference, Team De La Hoya is expected to label Mayweather “poopy face” and “stupid head.”

STOP THE PRESSES

Martina Hingis has withdrawn from the Family Circle Cup because she is injured. No way? In other tennis headlines, Maria Sharapova isn’t ugly and John McEnroe was a better player than Patrick.

FORGIVE AND FORGET

Minnesota’s Board of Appeals voted to erase a felony cocaine possession conviction from NFL great Jim Marshall’s criminal record. Hey, compared to the Vikings implicated in the “Love Boat” scandal two years ago, Marshall is a candidate for sainthood.

MR. APRIL

Alex Rodriguez is the first Yankee to hit five home runs in the first six games of a season. If the Bombers can’t come up with anyone better than Carl Pavano or Darrell Rasner, A-Rod won’t have to worry about going 1-for-19 in the last six games of the year.


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