Former Mets bat boy Kirk Radomski confessed to selling performance-enhancing drugs to major league players and also gave testimony to the grand jury in the Barry Bonds perjury investigation. Now, if steroids could really help you hit a baseball, wouldn’t Radomski be known as a “former Mets third baseman?”

Safety first

Soccer goalkeeper Fabien Barthez is quitting the last-place team in the French league after fans met him after a loss and threatened to “rub (him) out.” Barthez will only return to the franchise if he is allowed to tend the net while strapped into a rainbow-colored Chevrolet with No. 24 on the sides.

Pass the geritol

Orlando “El Duque” Hernandez is on the disabled list with bursitis in his throwing shoulder. Comes with the territory when you’re 57 years old.

Preemptive strike

Michael Vick met with NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell at the draft and promised to make changes in his personal life. Let’s see, ditch your hanger-on friends now, or have them ditch you when you’re suspended for a year without pay? Sounds like a no-brainer to me.

Vote of, um, confidence?

George Steinbrenner has released a statement saying that he “believes in” Yankees manager Joe Torre and GM Brian Cashman. I bet he also “believes in” keeping Joe Girardi on speed dial.