WE KNEW THEM WHEN

Ed Harding gets the Lewiston Maineiacs’ top job. John Paddock emerges from coaching purgatory to take over the Stanley Cup finalist Ottawa Senators. The only way Friday could have been a better day for Maine Mariners alumni is if Dale Arnold got a chance to do play-by-play for an NHL franchise that actually gives a damn about something other than its profit margin.

YEAH, BUT LET’S SEE ‘EM HIT WITH WOOD

The Twins and White Sox combined for 34 runs in the first game of a doubleheader Friday. Chicago was eliminated. Minnesota advanced to play Oregon State for the College World Series title.

SPEED KILLS ESPECIALLY IF YOU’RE A LIGHT-HITTING MIDDLE INFIELDER

Neifi Perez is the first Major Leaguer to be suspended after testing positive for amphetamines. Perez was hitting .172 with one home run and six RBIs for Detroit at the time of his 25-game suspension. Way to set the hook in another big fish’s mouth, Mr. Commish.

SAME THING HAPPENED AT LEWISTON ARMORY ONCE

Dozens of angry fans stormed the mat to protest a decision at Russia’s national wrestling championship. I wondered what Nikolai Volkoff and The Iron Sheik were up to lately.

STICKS AND STONES

Kobe Bryant has apologized to Lakers GM Mitch Kupchak for his trade demands and public complaints about the direction of the franchise. The apology was accepted, obviously. When you’ve gone through a lifetime of locker rooms with the name Kupchak, you have broad shoulders.

BUT DID THEY PINKY SWEAR?

All 189 Tour de France riders signed an anti-doping pledge before the start of Saturday’s prologue. In a related story, I hereby promise never to make fun of Barbaro, the MLS or George Steinbrenner as long as there is blood flowing through my two typing fingers.

ODOMETER FRAUD

The Atlanta Braves placed 40-year-old John Smoltz on the disabled list with inflammation in his throwing shoulder. Smoltz is 40? Uh huh, and I’m 19. Livan Hernandez and Julio Franco have more trustworthy birth certificates.

REMEMBER THE ALIMONY

Tony Parker and Eva Longoria are finally married. As for whose career remains on this side of the septic tank three years after the inevitable messy divorce, smart money’s on Parker.

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