Here are some thoughts for singles.

Selfishness – What I mean is basic self care, which means taking care of yourself. You only get one of those machines called a human body, you know. Treat it like it has to last a lifetime.

Selflessness – Where in your life is your focus so completely on others and your service to them that you forget about your own troubles?

Solitude – There are two words for the state of being alone. One is solitude, which can be a really good thing. The other word is lonely, which is not a good thing. I’ve noticed in my 49 years that there seems to be no lack of people around. Makes me wonder if in the final analysis that being lonely is a choice at some level.

Success – If you do not define success on your own terms, the culture will define it for you. Our culture would have you believe that if you are single and not in a relationship, you are somehow unsuccessful. Strive for intimacy with a special someone if that is what you want, just make sure it is defined as success on your own terms.

Someday – Pull out your calendar and do a little experiment with me. My calendar has Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and then begins again with Sunday. What about yours? As hard as I look, I can never ever find a Someday. Yet we live our lives as if we really believe there is a Someday out there. Turn your Someday into Today and do something you have always wanted to do.

Someone – We are designed as social creatures. It’s how we are built. So it is therefore only natural to look for that special someone. Keep looking, even if you have to interview many, many people for the position. Keep looking, and don’t settle. There is someone out there for you, and it only takes one.

So now what – The best quote I have heard in a while came from Jack Canfield, co-author of the “Chicken Soup for the Soul” series and author of “The Success Principles.” In an interview with Alex Mandossian, Canfield said, I believe only partly tongue-in-cheek, “Here is one way to look at what you will do with your life – Congratulations, you won the sperm race. Now what?”

In other words, now that you are here, now that you have the privilege of life, what are you going to do with it? Whatever difference you were born to make, why not get started today?

With your permission, I’d like to invite you to visit for more tips and tools for singles, couples and their relationships.

Jeff Herring, MS, LMFT, is a marriage and family therapist.

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