I could have gone to the beach.

Could have sunned myself while immersed in the first cut of grass on my lawn.

Could have gone for a hike and gotten some much-needed exercise.

Could have taken my family out for a nice Saturday night dinner.

Could have watched A.J. Burnett and Josh Beckett vie for Chien-Ming Wang’s ERA title.

Could have driven to Montreal and taunted a Canadiens fan.

Heck, with this weather, I probably could have driven to Old Orchard Beach and found a Canadiens fan to taunt.

Instead, I, and countless other get-a-lifers, stayed inside and stomached Chris Berman and the guy who looks like Rosie the Bounty towel lady for nearly six hours on a gorgeous late Saturday afternoon/evening.

It’s times like these when I think of my mother scolding me for getting an F in Physics because I missed a big test to go parasailing on Senior Skip Day.

“Well, I hope it was worth it, young man,” she said.

Hell yeah, it was worth it. And I’d give my Brian Scalabrine replica padded headband to do it again.

It was worth it even though Bill Belichick, who has been known to stick pins in the balloons of Patriots fans’ draft day anticipation, traded out of the first round.

More on the Patriots in a minute, but first I have to justify hogging the remote in case my wife reads this.

There weren’t many big names heading into this draft. Most of what little buzz it had was gone by Saturday afternoon because the Detroit Lions had already announced the signing of Matthew Stafford. I have no idea if this guy is a franchise quarterback or not. I just know that he looks like every kid I’ve ever seen play hacky-sack.

But things started to get interesting as early as the third pick, when Friend-of-Bill Scott Pioli selected LSU defensive end Tyson Jackson. There was some speculation late in the week that the Patriots would trade into the Top 10 for this guy and groom him to replace Richard Seymour and/or Jarvis Green, who will be free agents after next season. Perhaps Pioli was having flashbacks and thought he needed to find their replacement rather than the third-best player in the draft, because the self-appointed experts on the Endlessly Self Promoting Network and numerous online outlets universally panned the selection.

The Jets kept me tuned in by trading up to get USC quarterback Mark Sanchez. I love Jets fans at the draft, in part because Jets fans attending the draft always make me feel like less of a loser for watching it at home, and also because their reactions to the pick are always so over the top (go to YouTube and search “Jets fans draft” for some cheap entertainment). The 2009 selection didn’t disappoint, either. Most of the Jets fans loved the pick. I mean, they really loved the pick. When it was announced, they looked like a bunch of teenage girls who had just been told they’d won free Jonas Brothers tickets.

The hits just kept on coming with the Raiders, who snubbed the top-rated receiver in the draft, Michael Crabtree, for Darrius Heyward-Bey, who probably neither the Heywards nor the Beys have ever even heard of. He’s supposed to be a burner who can go deep, a la Cliff Branch. In fact, Al Davis probably thinks he is Cliff Branch. Leave it to the Raiders to take their fiercest rival, the Chiefs, off the hook for the biggest reach in the first round.

The rest of the first round was marked by little highlights. My wife happened to look up from a game of solitaire on the PC in time to see Knowshon Moreno’s name flashed on the screen as the No. 12 pick for Denver.

“Is his name Knosho?” she asked. That can’t be a good sign for the embattled Josh McDaniels.

The countless look-ins on draftees at their homes were priceless. I could have sworn I saw one guy’s mother or aunt or something adjust her wig on camera. I always wonder how many of the dozens of people in the room with the player will ask him for a “loan” in the next two weeks. Anyone who wonders how a professional athlete could burn through millions of dollars by the time their career is over need only take a gander at the hangers-on surrounding them on draft day.

As for the Patriots, the instant I started reading reports of them trading up in the first round, I knew it was far more likely they would trade out of it, so I was prepared for a letdown.

Needless to say, the second round Cavalcade O’ Picks brought forth reactions ranging mostly from “Huh?” to “Who the?” in the Whitehouse house. When I heard the name Patrick Chung, I immediately had visions of Eugene Chung (and so did any Pats fan over 30). Defensive tackle Ron Brace didn’t exactly cause me to brace myself, if you catch my drift. I was familiar with Darius Butler because many mock drafts had the Patriots taking the UConn cornerback with their original first round pick (I am now posting a note on my computer monitor – “Hey idiot, reading mock drafts is a complete waste of your time!!! Go fold laundry,” and will study it until next April). The biggest mystery man, literally and figuratively, was their final pick of the round, 6-foot-8, 315-pound offensive lineman Sebastian Vollmer.

Upon further review, Chung looks like a physical safety who can replace some of the void left by Rodney Harrison (we can assume he’s done now, right?) Brace looks like insurance for the very real possibility of losing Vince Wilfork to free agency next year. Butler hopefully fills one of the biggest needs on defense. Vollmer was born in Germany and projected for the fourth round by most experts despite supposedly having good potential. Germans with potential make me nervous.

Your guess is as good as mine. It’s also as good as anyone who pontificated on TV, the radio, online or in print yesterday, today or for the next four months. None of us have any idea whether any of these guys are going to pan out, not even with the alleged draft genius Belichick. His draft record has taken a hit in recent years with second round picks such as Chad Jackson, Marquise Hill, and Bethel Johnson. The best pick in that round since Matt Light in 2001 was Eugene Wilson in 2003.

The chances are just as good that the Pats will find a gem Sunday among the four third-round picks they have. Then again, they’ll probably trade three of them for two second and a fifth next year.

Who knows? It was a fun Saturday evening, but let’s just forget about these guys until training camp, okay?

I have more pressing questions right now. Is the Red Sox game over yet?