BC-LR-BADBRIDESMAIDS:MCT _ lifestyle (750 words)
Bridesmaids behaving badly; real brides sound off
By Charli Penn
Behind every beautiful bride is a group of bridesmaids _ some supportive and willing helpers, while others…well, not so much. We asked brides on WeddingChannel.com if their bridesmaids have met their expectations, and their responses were pretty surprising. Here we reveal the best of the worst. Names have been removed to protect the innocent (and the guilty!).
The Offense: “My maid of honor turned out to be a huge mistake. She was late for everything and didn’t act like she wanted the job. We went dress shopping and she actually started trying on the dresses when I took them off!”
Our Advice: That’s terrible! It’s your dress fitting, not an excuse for her to try on dresses. The whole point of her being there is to support you, not to be distracted by what she may want to wear one day. There’s a time and a place for everything! Put simply: She should wait her turn.
The Offense: “I have a bridesmaid who’s been my best friend for 13 years. She called up my matron of honor (my sister-in-law) to tell her how angry she was that I didn’t pick her instead, and that she felt she deserved to be the maid of honor. “
Our Advice: Your bridesmaids may not always agree with the role they were given in your wedding, but that doesn’t give them the right to attack your maid of honor. When you tell a friend or family member who was hoping to get the job that you chose someone else, try to be as open and honest as you can with about the reasoning behind your decision. If she’s a good friend, she’ll understand and be happy for you just the same. If she’s not, she may still have some growing up to do.
The Offense: “My bridesmaid was so flaky. She didn’t come to my dress fitting because she said she had to work, but then she didn’t work that weekend. Next, she skipped bridesmaid dress shopping even though we planned the date around her schedule. After all this, she cancelled on us saying she won’t be a bridesmaid because she can’t afford it.”
Our Advice: Too bad she wasn’t just up front from the get-go. If someone isn’t going to have the time, money, or interest needed to be a good bridesmaid, it’s best they just bow out. It’s not fair to you if she signs on to help out and then continues to flake when it counts. That’s why it’s always best to let her know you’re okay with a polite decline when you first extend the invitation. The planning process can be stressful, and dealing with a fair-weather bridesmaid won’t make that any easier.
The Offense: “My maid of honor chose herself! I originally picked my sister, but we ended up having a falling out a few months before. I hadn’t yet chosen another maid of honor and was seriously considering just not having one at all. One of my bridesmaids called and said, ‘I heard about what happened and I’m so sorry to hear it. But I’m happy to be your maid of honor now!’ I kind of went blank, and I didn’t know what to say. I never asked her; she just took on the role!”
Our Advice: Your friend has really jumped the gun here! She can’t assume she’s next in line or that there even is a line, for that matter. And, by inserting herself in that role without talking to you, she’s saying that she calls the shots for your wedding. You shouldn’t let her get away with this. Your day should be about you, and the plans should go exactly as you want. Letting an overzealous bridesmaid try to take over won’t turn out well. Nip this in the bud now if you can, even if the conversation does become a little awkward. This is not the sort of thing a bride should have to compromise on.
(For wedding planning advice, tools, photos and more, visit WeddingChannel.com.)
(c) 2009, WeddingChannel.com
Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services.
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