New man turns bride’s head after marriage
DEAR ABBY: I have been married for four weeks. Two weeks after my wedding I met a man who excites me and makes my heart race. My husband, “Mitch,” and I dated for eight years prior to getting married. We’re both 25.
I have only slept with one other man than Mitch in my entire life — someone I cheated on him with for a couple of weeks. Mitch and I had dated for two years at that point, and I was only 19. Mitch never found out.
I have spent two nights with this new man. I think about him constantly — at work and at night when Mitch is asleep. I can’t get him off my mind, and he feels the same about me. But he tells me that he feels guilty, that what we’re doing is wrong and I should forget about him.
My relationship with Mitch is boring. We spend a lot of time at home and don’t go out much. Mitch goes to bed early, and I’m tempted to leave and go see this other man. What do I do? — MARRIED, BUT …
DEAR MARRIED, BUT …: I suspect you already know what you need to do. First, level with your husband. Then see if you can have the marriage annulled because, although it has lasted only a month, it is already over.
DEAR ABBY: I have begun dating a man I’ll call “Tom.” Things seem to be going well. Tom has met my son — they get along beautifully — and we’re starting to meet each other’s families.
For my son’s sake, I have stayed in fairly close contact with my ex’s parents. They have asked on more than one occasion when they can meet my new boyfriend, but I haven’t given them a straight answer because, honestly, I don’t want them to meet Tom. Since I started dating again, I have been trying hard to put my past behind me, and that includes my ex and his family. To do otherwise would be bad for me. What should I do? — MOVING ON IN DULUTH
DEAR MOVING ON: If you and Tom become more serious, at some point he is going to meet your son’s grandparents.
If there is something that you are ashamed of, I think you should have a frank talk with Tom and lay your cards on the table before he finds out from someone else. Unless there’s a court order preventing your ex from seeing his son, I doubt that you will be able to keep these two parts of your life completely separate.
DEAR ABBY: My divorce became final two months ago and several people have congratulated me. Abby, the last thing I ever wanted was to be another divorce statistic, but my ex- husband committed a heinous crime for which he will pay for the rest of his life. While I know I’m better off without him, what I would have preferred was for the circumstances not to have happened in the first place!
I am trying to get my life back on track, but it isn’t easy. And it doesn’t help when some insensitive person offers “congratulations.” They don’t seem to understand that the subject is painful. I have said, “Please don’t say that,” but what else can I say? Please advise your readers to offer condolences instead. — UNHAPPILY DIVORCED ON THE EAST COAST
DEAR DIVORCED: I’m passing your message along. However, when someone makes an inappropriate comment, instead of saying, “Please don’t say that,” try this: “Please don’t bring that subject up again. All it does is make me sad.”
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.