DEAR ABBY: My neighbors and I are extremely concerned about my next-door neighbor of 38 years, “Anne.” She was always somewhat of a narcissist, and her husband has always been an unsociable, passive-aggressive bore who thinks he’s always right.

Since he retired, Anne has been drinking. She even asked one of our neighbors’ sons if he had any marijuana. She seems to live in a fantasy world and tells stories that aren’t true.

Anne never talks to anyone on the phone anymore and has become isolated from most of her former friends. When people ring her doorbell, she pretends she isn’t home. She is always with her husband and only expresses his likes, opinions and thoughts. He apparently likes these changes in his wife, but the rest of us find them alarming.

When we ask Anne if anything is wrong, she says “everything is fine.” Do you think there is anything we can do to help her? — SAN CARLOS NEIGHBOR

DEAR NEIGHBOR: Does Anne have any children or siblings that you know of? If the answer is yes, contact them and let them know there have been significant changes in her behavior and that you and the other neighbors are worried about her.

However, if she doesn’t, and because she insists that everything is fine, make sure she knows that you and her other friends care about her. Tell her you are concerned because you rarely have contact with her, but will be there for her, as always, if she needs you.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I live and work in a delightful resort town. Lately, we have noticed a trend among our friends and family who are traveling to our town. Instead of calling in advance, many of them call us on the day they hope to see us. In the last two weeks, it has happened three times.

These are people we like and would enjoy seeing, but we work full-time and we usually need a little more advance notice.

We know our friends make plans well in advance to book airline reservations, so we’re baffled that they don’t contact us while they are making their travel plans. What can we say when our friends call hoping to see us and then are disappointed when we already have plans? — BEACH DWELLERS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR BEACH DWELLERS: Tell them that you are disappointed, too, and the next time they plan to be in the area to please call sooner because you make your plans in advance and can’t cancel the ones you already have.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend, “Ashley,” and I have been dating exclusively for about two years. Last week, her boss asked her to be his friend’s date so he and his girlfriend and the friend could attend a concert for which he had tickets.

I was upset about it, but Ashley said that because I couldn’t afford tickets she was going to take the opportunity and go. In other words, she accepted the offer to be his friend’s date in order to attend.

Am I right to be upset with my girlfriend for being her boss’s friend’s date? — HURT IN INDIANA

DEAR HURT: Yes, because it appears that for the price of a concert ticket your relationship with Ashley is no longer “exclusive,” and she went in spite of your feelings. It was also inappropriate for her boss to ask her to be someone’s “date,” especially if he knew she had a steady boyfriend.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in “What Every Teen Should Know.” To order, send a business-sized, self- addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby — Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

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