Everywhere, a sign

To the person who posted the tote road at the end of Edgecomb Road in Lisbon: Thanks. Thanks a lot. I’ve been dreaming of that particular stretch of slop all winter long and now this. Why a person would choose to keep all of that mud and ruts to himself will forever baffle me. Have you considered putting up a toll booth? I’d gladly pay a toll for access to that filthy shortcut to Topsham.

Foxes, bears and birds

Is it me? Or is photographer Russ Dillingham becoming more and more like that old dude from Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom? One day, he’s flinging bad guys to the ground, the next, he’s crouched in the bushes filming critters at play. An enigma, that’s what Dillingham is. An enigma with bulging biceps and a safari hat.

Teenage math whiz

It must be a weird place inside that kid’s head. Instead of worrying about whether a zit on the tip of his nose will go away before the junior high dance, he’s got headier things to fret about. Did I carry the two? Oh, my God! Did I carry the two! His pickup lines include: “Hey, baby. I can recite pi to five thousand digits from memory. Wanna try out an acute angle or two?”

Lass bares breasts at UMF

This is Farmington’s version of Girls Gone Wild. On other campuses, the ladies shed their shirts as a show of independence and recklessness. At UMF, it’s a political statement. I think that should be applauded. Or derided. I can’t decide.

Bared breasts Day 3

Now the lass in question is demanding that people come to protest with her. Particularly men. But only if they’re the kind of men who don’t get excited by bared breasts. Which is the focal point of her protest. And what is it that’s she protesting? Breast cancer? War? No. The right to bare breasts. Which makes this a “look at me!” kind of affair, with the caveat, “you better not look at me!”

What do you know? I’ve grown to hate her.

No spring cleanup in Auburn

Wow, city leadership sure knows how to hit the populace where it hurts. If a mob mentality develops – and it seems likely – malcontents are going to have plenty of stuff to work with. All those old coffee tables, the wicker chairs and other stuff their wives bought at flea markets? Torches just waiting to be born.

Free coffee at Starbucks last week

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I’d rather pay for coffee at Dunkin’ Donuts than get it free at Starbucks. Thanks anyway.

Have a ball

Somewhere in the Twin Cities Thursday, a woman called police to report children playing with a ball outside. Was the ball ticking, ma’am? Was it fashioned out of a human head? We’ll get right on that. Everybody knows that ball playing is a gateway to the hard stuff. That’s right: Hopscotch.