Readers of this column know what a techno-dope I am and know that the rapid advances in technology have gone right by me. They know, because I have written about such things, that I consider myself operating at 33 1/3 in an iPod world.

What they don’t know is that I have actually tried to learn a little bit about the high tech gadgets and gizmos that seem to dominate the world. I have had my grandsons show me how to send a text message on my cell phone though I have not actually sent one. I have even listened to music on one of their iPods, though I was sure my ears would bleed from the punk rock, head-banging lyrics.

I felt that I should at least know a little about all this stuff that I hear so much about. Rather than have my eyes glaze over with ignorance I thought it would be nice if they showed a little intelligence whenever techno-speak is spoken in my presence.

So, it was in the interest of learning that I read an online article about bathroom technology. The bathroom is one room where I have always been quite confident that I knew how to use all the devices there. If that was going to change I needed to know about it.

The biggest upgrades I ever expect to do with my bathroom is a new shower curtain and perhaps a padded toilet seat. However, for those so electronically inclined and with the bank account to back them up there is a new menu of bathroom techno-appliances available.

For the television addicts who hate to miss a second of their favorite shows while they answer nature’s call there is a two-way mirror with a hidden 15-inch LCD TV. The TV is not visible until you turn it on using the remote, then it suddenly appears in the mirror.

That’s all very nice, but with a price tag of more than $1,300 I’ll continue to control my urges until the commercial are on.

Maybe you would rather watch television while relaxing in the tub instead of sitting on the hopper, and as it turns out you can do that too. Saturn Bath Co. of Korea has designed an all-in-one TV-tub unit. Call me skeptical, but I’d be a little nervous about combining an electrical appliance with running water that I’m going to immerse myself in.

And speaking of running water, for those who are tired of turning faucet knobs to get the right temperature, well there’s an app for that. A company called iHouse has created the Smart Faucet that uses facial recognition to automatically adjust the water temperature and flow to your desired taste.

Once you are comfortably in the tub, the touchscreen on the faucet allows you to access your e-mail, get a weather report or plan your daily schedule. Again, wiring and water don’t seem like a good combination to me.

But, if you trust the technology of such electronics to be safe and you want a perfect all-over tan you might want to dole out $11,000 for the ProSun Sunshower. This tanning shower allows the user to turn on specific tanning lamps to target particularly pale areas of the body on which the sun never shines.

My personal favorite device mentioned in the article is Toto Talk, a talking toilet. You can get stock quotes, your fortune and a bunch of other information from Toto Talk. I didn’t make this up folks; it really exists. Boy, talk about your potty mouth!

Though I may be attempting to understand the techno-world a little better I don’t believe I’ll be adding any of it to my bathroom any time soon. However, the way I see it, if they ever come up with an electronically self-cleaning bathroom, that is technology that I will readily embrace.