Bated breath

I can’t tell you how “Lost” and “24” wrapped things up last week, but I can tell you this: There should be more cliffhangers in real life. The intervals of the real world should end with the dramatic stuff unresolved, left to teeter over many possible outcomes.

Will Sheriff Guy Desjardins survive the threat from his friend and former chief deputy? Will Thorncrag boot dogs forever from its acres?

Will Fitty Cent really come to Lewiston or will he be stricken by “an unspecified health issue” the day before he’s scheduled to play? Will the yellow Labrador lost in Lisbon finally find its way home?

Cliffhangers are great. They lend thrills to our otherwise bland and prosaic lives. Even the small stuff would be better with open endings, heart stopping music and dramatic scenes of things to come.

Will the lawn mower start on the first pull? Will that sort-of-pretty clerk at the pizza joint ever respond to your daily come-ons? Will the Sea Monkeys you got for your kid spring to life or did they totally roast when you accidentally left them sitting next to the wood stove?

Tune in next week – or tomorrow or in an hour – to find out.

Baby, come back

And speaking of the missing dog, I rode all weekend in and out of the woods around Sabattus, Lisbon, Bowdoin, Tophsam and Litchfield. Everywhere I went, I saw bright signs seeking information about the yellow Lab named Cappuccino. It happened so frequently, I started to suspect that maybe I was the Cappuccino, running wild in the woods and having dreams about being human. There’s really no way to tell for sure. Quick! Rub my belly to see if my leg starts pumping up and down.

But really

Cappuccino is still missing. If you have info that might help find her, contact Lisa at [email protected] or 939-0299.

The Lewiston canals

Have been drained, an event as significant and profound to me as the running of the bulls. Gazing down on all of that bare mud makes one marvel over the idea of all those souls laboring for so many hours to create this complex network of waterways just so a future generation would have a place to  discard its unwanted shopping carts, bicycle frames, tires, traffic cones, television sets, baby carriages, bird cages, rocking chairs and 1937-era Lockheed 10 Electra airplanes.

Wait, what?

A thousand words

That one photograph snapped during the Bates College riot is probably going to be around for a while. The images of the grinning student and his tattered friend just say so much. It could be a movie poster for “Porky’s.”

Tell them you mean business

And speaking of the bedlam at Bates, I chatted with dozens of students in the aftermath and wouldn’t you know it? Every one of them has a father who is “the most powerful lawyer in all of (major U.S. city here).”

And so it begins

Got this helpful memo Tuesday from a guy who spends a lot of time downtown. “9:45 p.m., I reported a Naked Man running up Pine Street in Lewiston. When I caught up to him, he had blood gushing from his head and neck. I rushed him to St. Marys. I hope he’s ok. I haven’t heard anymore about it since then.”

Great tip. The only question I have is: What the hell are you doing chasing a naked man in the first place?

Also in Lewiston

Saw a dude at the corner of Ash and Park screaming viciously at his bicycle. I expect to see the bike next summer when they drain the canals again.