Bag Lady is what one might call technologically standoffish. Easily iRattled. Wary of laying out dough for something that’s bound to be outdone in six months.

Shopping Siren, on the other hand, happily embraces both progress and her iPod Touch. (Yes, because that’s what it is, progress! Oooh, look: shiny —)

So, as this Felix and Oscar, we strode into the state’s only Apple Store in the Maine Mall to give it a go.

Immediately … nothing happened.

In a good way.

Nervous that the employee-to-customer ratio might be so high that we couldn’t secretly shop, or, that we’d be forced to ward off persistent sales pitches, it was nice to find we weren’t the least bit hounded. Staff, to their credit, must have good “serious shopper” radar because, indeed, it sounded as though they were closing plenty of sales.

The store itself is like the Gap minus clothes — lots of glass, bright lights and college-age staff, with the addition of try-it-before-you-buy-it tech tables. Also, the day we were there, a very obvious security guard was staked by the door, lest anyone mistake said tech tables for take-it-before-you-buy-it.

We might recommend exploring the Apple website first, where there are plenty of reviews and banter to be found, but buying in-store both to avoid shipping charges and to play with your potential new gadget before you shell out hundreds of dollars. Nearly everything — iPads, iPhones, iPod shuffles — got its own table or wall display, with many multiples to fiddle with. Even Bag Lady was tentatively poking a shiny gadget or two by the end. And Shopping Siren started thinking her iPod might need a friend. 

So, play away! Just remember to wash your hands before lunch.

• Griffin A-frame stand for iPad, $49.95

A metal cradle in which to set your iPad. You know, in case you get tired of caressing it.

• Nike + iPod, $29

Some doohickey goes in your sneaker and communicates with your iPod, mid-jog, to let you know how you’re making out. We’re guessing it’s more complex than, “Alive. Alive. Alive.”

• 3G phone covers/cases, assorted, $34.95

Opt for classy with Kate Spade or monkeys with Paul Frank. That’s the big choice in life, really: Classy or monkeys.

Make ours monkey.

• Paul Frank laptop case, $49.95

For 13″ MacBooks. Very fluffy inside. Very monkey outside.

• Chelsey Henry pink laptop bag, $49.95

Soft briefcase in pink with black squiggles, like something Elle Woods would tote in “Legally Blonde.” (Which you can watch on your laptop. Duuuude.)

• TomTom car kit for iPhone, $99.95

The official dashboard holster/TomTom kit turns your iPhone into a GPS wunderkind. We’re not sure how. Likely something to do with alien technology.

• Bose Quiet Comfort 15 headphones, $299.95

We have to admit, the sound coming from these headphones was amazing. But $300 worth of amazing? Depends on how badly you want to drown out your co-workers/neighbor’s dog/mother-in-law.

• iSee by Contour inked nano case, $24.95

Cool, nearly hypnotic, swirly patterns. Frankly, Shopping Siren was just as intrigued by this as she was the super-shiny, super-giant Apple monitor a few tables down. This was dramatically cheaper. In case you couldn’t have guessed.

Best find: iCarPlay by Monster, $24.95

A cassette tape that turns your old-school ride iPod- and iPhone-friendly. Cheap old car = more disposable income for glossy new toys. Rock out, 1992 Honda Civic! Woot!

Think twice: Kensington notebook lock, $29.95

A 6-foot carbon steel cable with locks on either end. On the package: “A notebook is stolen every 53 seconds in the U.S.” and, on the online product description: “Perfect for use at school, the office or any work station.” Here’s the thing: Do we need to be this paranoid? At the office? If your answer is an earnest “yes” emphasized by a quick nod and a darting glance at your surroundings, we suggest you have better things to spend $30 on than a notebook lock. Like nicely printed resumes. Maybe Apple security’s hiring?

* Prices as of 6/22

Bag Lady and Shopping Siren’s true identities are protected by a pair of stylish, sweater-wearing Doberman pinschers (who can be both classy and monkey) and the Customer Service counter at the Sun Journal. You can reach them at baglady@sunjournal.com and shoppingsiren@sunjournal.com.