DEAR ABBY: I have been dating “Kate” for a year. She’s caring and down-to-earth. We have so much in common, and time goes by quickly when we’re together.

That’s why, when a new job brought Kate closer to my place, I told her she could stay with me, so her commute would be less stressful while she gets used to the job and learns her way around. I enjoy making us dinner, since I get home two hours before she does.

After being single and living alone for six years, I want a relationship. Maybe in the future I’ll want her to move in with me. We spend weeknights together and go out as a couple every weekend. But I also like “my time” and “my night out.”

I am a part-time publicist for an entertainer and try to keep up with the local music and club scene. Two nights out alone during the month work for me. I share the details with Kate — including the crazy things I see “singles” do when I’m out. I have explained to her how spending these nights on my own makes me appreciate her more when I return. But I feel a distinct “chill” from her when my night arrives.

I have no problem with Kate doing a “girls’ night out” on those evenings. Am I wrong to want alone time? Am I not committed enough to this relationship? — REASONABLE GUY IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR REASONABLE: It’s not wrong to want some time independent of Kate, particularly since it relates to your business. Her cool reaction may be related to her insecurities with your relationship, as well as the “crazy things” you’re describing when you get home.

It may have been a mistake to invite Kate to stay with you without a deadline after which you expect her to find her own place. Under the circumstances, she may think your relationship has progressed further than it really has.

DEAR ABBY: I cannot think of anyone else to turn to. I attend church, but don’t know a priest well enough to confide in him.

I have been married 45 years. My wife and I have a very good sex life. My problem is, over the past year my curiosity has increased about what it would be like to be with another man. I don’t have anyone in mind. I try not to think about it, but the idea excites me.

I enjoy looking at attractive women, but often find myself wanting to give the other a try. Please help me find an answer before I try something stupid. Abby, I hope you can offer me some advice in your column. — ANONYMOUS IN DAYTONA BEACH

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Everyone has sexual fantasies, and although yours have recently been homosexual fantasies, it does not necessarily mean that you would enjoy an encounter with another man. Because you say you have a “very good sex life” with your wife, you may have some bisexual leanings.

However, 45 years ago you promised at the altar to be faithful to your wife. So I’ll offer the same advice I would have given to Adam if he had written me back then: Don’t take a bite of that apple because it could get you evicted from Eden.

DEAR ABBY: What do you say to people when you have a child in jail and they don’t know? Should you lie and say everything is fine? — EAST COAST MOM

DEAR MOM: It depends upon how well you know the people and how much personal information you’re comfortable revealing about your family. But I don’t think you should lie because that kind of news has a way of traveling.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.


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