Eddie’s Wheel & Deal. The name conjures images of a crazy-haired man in suspenders. Likely waving his arms wildly for a TV camera. Definitely screaming about his low, low, super low prices.

In case you can’t tell, Shopping Siren has long wondered about Eddie and his wheeling and his dealing.

This week, with Bag Lady’s help, I strove to separate the man from the myth.

Located on Route 4, along the Auburn-Turner line, Eddie’s Wheel & Deal includes a trio of buildings, one named Carlene’s Gift Shop and the other two simply labeled for the furniture inside. All of the shops are decorated with colorful clown cutouts — dancing clowns, laughing clowns, at least one bendy clown that really shouldn’t be able to bend that way —  so the buildings are hard to miss.

Alas, there was no sign of Eddie on our visit. Or, at least, no sign of Eddie as imagined. (There was a very nice middle-aged gentleman behind the cash register and a helpful young woman outside, but neither appeared Eddie-esque.) However, while Eddie was scarce, the deals were not. Ashley furniture, gently used appliances, home decor and knickknacks and stuffed animals and collectibles and …

Three. Buildings’. Worth.

I may have swooned.

Eddie, unfortunately, remains an enigma. His deals? So good they don’t need to be screamed. 

— Suntime flip-flops, $1.99 or 3/$5

Brightly colored sandals for children and adults. Choose from a variety of fun designs, including soccer ball, rainbow, daisy and leopard print. Heck, for that price, don’t choose. Take them all.  

— Large pirate octopus stuffed animal, $29.95

This giant green octopus greets visitors by the door to Carlene’s Gift Shop, a black patch over one eye, a pirate hat perched jauntily on its head. Why is this octopus dressed as a pirate? The world may never know.

— The Dog mugs, $7.99

Papillons, corgis, border collies, chow chows. No dobermans (sigh).

— Bing Glow bingo markers, $1.19 each or 12/$13.50

All the colors in the rainbow. Eddie’s offered shelf after shelf of bingo markers, some slightly cheaper than these. But, really, the name Bing Glow is worth an extra 20 cents.

— Find Elvis wand, $7.99/$8.99 (Two identical wands; two prices)

A wand filled with sparkles and, somewhere, a tiny cutout of Elvis. “Find Elvis!” the package implored. “Tell me what I’d do with an Elvis wand!” I implored back. The package didn’t respond.

— Battery-operated revolving bow tie, $2.99

In a taped-up yellow box. Um. Intriguing.

— Ashley Furniture “cottage retreat” bedroom set, $699

Includes dresser/mirror, headboard and five-drawer matching chest. Add the tall chest for $349. All white-painted wood with soft, petal designs. If anyone asks, tell them you got this bedroom set at a horribly expensive upscale furniture gallery. Then dismiss further questions with a wave of the Elvis wand and a haughty air.

— Crib and accoutrements, used, $199

White infant crib complete with pastel bedding and a bear mobile. For when you need a place for the baby now.

— Unpainted wood desk, $179

Solid, child-sized desk with four drawers. Paint to suit your decor or let your little one get creative with design. I hear that’s how Picasso started.

Best find: Touch Me touch lamps, no price

The lamps were scattered everywhere throughout Eddie’s three buildings. Some were mini, most were full desk-sized. All featured clear shades decorated with your choice of a colorful motif, including unicorns, tigers, bears, dolphins, race cars and Marines. (Yes, Marines. Standing tall and proud. With a sword. Without a unicorn.) Unfortunately, no price could be found on any of these lamps. I believe it’s because they’re priceless.   

Think twice: Maine wildlife couch/chair set, $1,499

I’m all for wildlife. And I’m all for cushy furniture. But a wildlife print on cushy furniture? Just … no. This couch and chair set was too busy, too loud and too much to take. Not at all like Eddie’s Wheel & Deal. 

Shopping Siren’s true identity is protected by a pair of stylish, sweater-wearing doberman pinschers (who believe their likeness should grace all mugs everywhere) and the Customer Service counter at the Sun Journal. You can reach her at [email protected]

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