Talk of the town

It’s kind of a challenge this time around since I spent most of the week in New York. I can tell you that the talk of the town in that city was mostly “You wanna buy a watch?” “You wanna buy some shoes?” “I’m a struggling rap artist, would you like to buy one of my free CDs?” “Please give me money for no apparent reason,” “Will you please take a photo of my husband and I making goofy faces at Rockefeller Center?” “Oh, my God, is that Beyonce?” “Take this flier or I will kill you” and “Psst, hey buddy, do you want to see the ball drop?” That last one is a total rip-off, by the way, so don’t fall for it.

What’re you talking aboot?

I ran into a nice lady from Sweden while I was in NYC and when I told her I was from Maine, she asked me, with utter sincerity, “Isn’t that part of Canada?” Instead of answering, I introduced her to the ball drop guy and then ran.

D. Ortiz takes selfie with the president

And it’s caused quite a stir. Not to worry. The KC Royals will be much better behaved when they make the trip next year to celebrate their World Series win.

In local news . . .

Seriously, I got nothing. Isn’t there some flap raging about signage along the Maine Turnpike? I don’t have an opinion on that, but I DID use EZPass for the first time last week. This means that every time I go through a toll area now, I’m sneering with derision at you rubes still using the “cash only” lane. Seriously, loser. Get with the program. Allow the government to put a gadget inside your car so they can track your every move. It’s keen.

Magic Man

Saw him in the Bronx, walking with his bags of bottles. Later saw him on the Staten Island Ferry and again at the top of the Rockefeller Center. Not really, but would that surprise anyone? He’s magic!

Name that pervert

Somewhere in Lewiston, a man known as either “Tax Fraud” or “Hack Saw” was reportedly peering in windows. Two reporters heard it differently over the scanner so now the argument is raging – which is a better nickname for a peeper? I’ll leave this one to you people. Just open your blinds a little bit so I can see better while you’re mulling it over.

Operation Hot Spots

Is back in business thanks to the police. Considering the winter we’ve had – and are still having – I’d recommend renaming it Operation Chilly Temperatures With Lingering Snowbanks and a Chance of Sleet. They’ll have to order new T-shirts and gift mugs.